I started dating my boyfriend when we were 17 years old. We've known each other since we were 10 but never really friends. We started the relationship as friends when we were 17 then quickly progressed into boyfriend/girlfriend. We were eachother's first love and when we started we were inseparable. We planned our future together, drew our dream house, talked about marriage and children. As the relationship went on, our true colors started coming out. Whenever we'd argue about something my boyfriend would close up and not want to talk about it, whenever I'd ask him to he'd say "I have nothing to say" and when I would asked what he meant by that he would say "It wont' change anything" He's always been a really shy person but there's a difference between shy and unable to communicate. When we would discuss something happy he'd be fine but the minute it was something negative he'd close up.
I feel that because he couldn't tell me how he felt I was constantly nagging him hoping he'd change. I could feel him slipping away, but instead of him discussing this with me, of course he didn't. I would get very annoyed when we argued because he would just sit there, not talk and to me it looked like he just didn't care. I would cry when we were fighting and he'd just walk away.
He'd apologize later and promise that he's going to try to communicate better and I believed him. He also has been caught lying to me before, not about big things but they were still lies and when we'd try to talk about why he lied he would tell me he doesn't know.
Anyway, after a 4.5 year relationship, he finally told me two days ago that he loves me but is not in love with me. I feel like maybe that's why he never TRIED to communicate with me because he never saw a future and just gave up? I am trying so hard not to blame myself right now, maybe I pushed him too much, maybe I expected too much, maybe I should have gave him more space (because he never communicated, I felt like I always had to call him and be with him or else I'd lose him)
He says he needs space, what do I do? He's my first love and we were PERFECT besides these issues.
I also wanted to add that I had issues with jealousy and sometimes were controlling. However, I was willing to try to work through his communication issues because I loved him enough. I feel that if he truly loved me that he would try to help me overcome my issues?