Is there still a chance to get her back
Moved from https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-left-me-still-loves-me-but-doesnt-want-me-back-342438.html.
Wow Henderson I just signed up here to hit you a reply I fully understand how you are feeling I have just split up with my girlfriend of 3 years and 2 months so imagine how much more pain and frustration I am in.
I totally understand the mood swings you mention I also was suffering the same problem sometimes she seemed like the sweetest and most romantic loved up girl and the next thing you know she's a monster it's so frustrating.
I also think maybe she had some sort of mood disorder but noticed it seemed like she would only turn on me so I blamed myself many times for turning her into the hulk but you Henderson done so much for your girl so I don't see why she would do such a thing unless it really is a disorder.
I was always so upset by her mood swings and would blame myself because she only had them with me but honestly after reading your post I am confused if her mood swings are some sort of disorder or my fault?
Its been about 3 painful weeks now since we broke up and I know exactly what you mean about seeing other couples it gets me so upset and tearful I try my best to avoid them at all costs turning away etc but then I start to remember all the good times and find it hard to keep it all in.
Just the other day after work I saw this happy couple sitting on the grass enjoying themselves watching the sun go down and I had to ritually take a longer way home just to try and avoid them because I used to do that with my girlfriend many times we even had this dog walker say he can't believe how much we are in love that we should get a room lol.
Unfortunately something very strange happened recently which as made me get really confused and its not just that after reading your post I am even more confused I am worried my girlfriend was using me to be emotionally stable what I mean is I fear she's been using me until she finds the right guy.
I started using no communication after a very emotional break up to hopefully get her to miss me I guess we would all love to have our ex sobbing on the phone begging for you back and I still hope and dream that will happen but hopefully I can twist things around so that I am in control of the relationship again she seemed to love me more when I had things in control.
During the break up fight she said all the most horrible things you can imagine she said she hated me she said I was a waste of space she said she loved seeing me crying over her she said the sight of me made her sick etc.
Sure I wasn't perfect but neither was she our first year and a half was great put the other year and half was with a lot of arguments we split up 2 times before also but got back together. They say your 3rd is your last….(sometimes I still hope this is not true I want to prove it wrong)
Like I said it's been about 3 weeks and about every 3 or 2 days I have a break down were I just cry over her for about half hour.
I thought I was managing to forget about her because I tried to get her to come and see me but she seemed so disgusted by the idea of looking at me that I said to myself I GIVE UP… which is not something I normally admit too.
I am not the sort for giving up easily but I was just hurting myself more every time she shot me down I hated waking up everyday with horrible pains in my stomach because I haven't eaten anything for hours I hated the fact I was always sad I was tired of crying my eyes out all the time and feeling empty and alone.
Even though I am trying hard I seem to also have the same problem you do every time I flirt or get a girls number or go out I start to feel kind of sick inside I start thinking about how much more fun it would be if it was with her instead.
Then things turn even uglier I start thinking how much more fun she must be having picking up guys having all sorts of idiots buying her lots of things to get her attention and doing everything she says to please her it just annoys the hell out of me how some guys can be so stupid and of course the most painful though of them all… is thinking about your girlfriend giving herself sexually to another man who loves her nowhere near as much as you do completely discussing it just makes you feel so horrible inside I hate mentioning it.
I feel horrible with myself going out with someone and faking my laughs my smiles my interest in her but I can't help but miss her and yes I feel terrible doing this to these poor women but I can't help but still love my ex I try and I try to let these girls in but its me that slowly pushes them away some people obviously think I am mad I got a cute girl interested in me and yet I turn her down or don't give it my full energy to make a great day out of it.
Anyway so like I said my ex shot me down 2 times when I asked her to come down and sort some loose ends up the 2th blow really killed me because she gave me the impression she was disgusted by the idea of seeing my face so I know how you feel about being treated as something disgusting so I spent like an hour sobbing and the entire day miserable until the next day at work I had 2 girls flirt with me which made me feel really good about myself.
At that point I said I give up on my ex its pointless… I can't get her back even if I want her so badly… so I started the no contact heavily she text me 2 times and I didn't text back she then called me one time and I didn't answer and after that something weird happened.
So here is the weird thing that's made me get all confused
Every month on the 18th she counts in as another month we been together well on the 18 she send me a text saying it was the 18 and nothing else I was stuck 4 ages on what I should reply to her in the end all I said was yea I noticed it was the 18.
Next thing you know she's asking me what I am doing up so late I told her I was out she then phoned me which was very surprising because the other 2 times we talked on the phone I called her.
I picked up the phone and we asked each other how we were and she asked what I been up to and she told me what shed been doing and will be doing later that week we then said our good nights to each other and she hang up.
Here is the confusing part…
A few minutes later she's calling me again so I picked up and she said a joke about that we never did let each other sleep and we both laughed then she says this…She said she still thinks about me every now and again then she said she still loves me she then said ( and I was expecting this) she said but I don't want to be with you….
I asked her why she is telling me this?
Her reply was (I don't knw)
She then asked me if I understood her?
I said kind of
I then asked again why was she telling me this? (as she was in this state I wanted to know if she regretted dumping me so I was trying to hold on to this call)
She then said she needed me to know those things and that she wanted to get it off her chest.
She then asked me again if I understood her.
I replied with kind of again.
She then said she would have told me earlier but my phone was always off
I said OK and we both said good night and she hang up on me
Its been 4 days and I haven't heard anything more from her?
I am thinking of txting her on Monday to find out why she called me a few weeks ego it must have been important for her to have bothered to call me but because she never mentioned anything I am wondering if maybe she missed me and ill ask her about that.
I find it odd because all her friends don't want her to contact me but yet I think she was calling me during her lunch break which could be risky for her.
So my question is does anybody have a clue to why on earth she said that to me?
Does she still love me? Is there still a chance to get her back? Did she actually mean she still cared for me but used the words love by accident? Is she really just confused and secretly wants to get back together? Or after reading this post is she using me emotionally is she just keeping me around in case things don't work out with her new guy?
I thought It was over for me with her but now she tells me something like this I am totally confused of course I would like my ex back a lot of men fall in love with a girl for her beauty I fell in love with her personality I have never had a girl in my life that cared so deeply for me she would always make sure I was OK I am now worried I will never find such a girl with such a loving and very caring personality she would always celebrate every little thing about us.
My dream and I think most of us is to have our ex begging on the phone to come back while some of us will say no and we might be making a huge mistake others will say yes and again it might be a mistake but hopefully if she did beg on the phone I would turn things around so that I am in control which
1 she likes it that way
And 2 If I am in control ill be less hurt if things don't work out again for the 4th time.
I wasn't going to bother doing this but after what she said I guess I need to try its going to be my birthday soon and I am thinking of inviting her out for a few drinks to celebrate I am hopping this time she will say yes I know I am setting myself up to be crushed again but I really love this girl and I hope this makes it look non needy.
