Ok I'm 18 and me and my girlfriend have been going out for 2 years she is heavily christian so there is no sex. She is always asking me to to ask her to marry her(if that made sense) she keeps reminding me that she would say yes and I laugh it off and tell her I love her. Sometimes she can do things that she wouldn't let me do and thinks its OK so then I really don't lik her just that every time I'm with her I wholly and solely can only see her. We are looking like we are going to different unis next year so even though I'm a bit strap for cash at moment do I buy the ring?

I have to say,the fact that your asking is she the one,and not sure about buying ring,don't do it.

There's loads of time to get married,keep working on your relationship.

I have known christians that have gotten married just to have sex,I'm not saying that this is the case here.

There's an old saying marry in haste,repent at leisure.

It's a big decision,life changing, take your time over this,mull it over,if you both love each other,what's the harm in waiting a while longer.

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Originally Posted by Influence

so then i really dont lik her just that every time im with her i wholey and soley can only see her.

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You both deserve to be with people who you can like all the time. In my opinion, if you only like her when you are with her, then there isn't enough emotion to even date.

I know you tell her you love her, but do you love her when you aren't with her or only when you are or is that just a word you use to temper your disinterest in marriage talk?

I would forget about the ring or playing "anything but intercourse" games and be honest with her and yourself that this relationship does not seem to have a future.

It's not an age issue. It's a "doubting" issue.

You have to realize that marriage is a HUGE step. So it is strongly recommended that you have a strong relationship before you take that next step. Focus on strengthening the relationship and allow things to flow naturally.

I only caution that if you have lingering doubts, then hold off the engagement until you've sorted out all the issues.

Because you are obviously uncertain, and the fact that you two are attending different universities next year, I would hold off.

I do think age has some part in this, and she sounds a bit immature to me, with her constantly asking you to ask her to marry you. I was a girl of 18 once. You dream of someday getting married. You want to be married, very badly. But pressuring someone else into marriage is not healthy, and not very mature.

You may discover over the next year that you do want to be with her forever. But, you may also discover that you are too young to want that commitment yet.

Best of luck in whatever decision you make, Influence.

"If you love someone, let them go."

Try going to different universities and see how things work out. That's a good test of a relationship - see if it can work through normal trials that other adults face.

I've been with my husband since I was 19 - we were engaged after 6.5 years together. We never pressured each other to get married. I firmly believe a good relationship should be easy and natural.

I vote for no ring, you need to get to know each other a little better.
The next time she brings up the marriage thing, ask her why?:)

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Originally Posted by Influence

Sometimes she can do things that she wouldnt let me do n thinks its ok so then i really dont lik her

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What exactly are you trying to say here:confused:

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Originally Posted by unaffected

I was a girl of 18 once. You dream of someday getting married. You want to be married, very badly. But pressuring someone else into marriage is not healthy, and not very mature.

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Thanks for that info I know I don't really want to say it but I think this is a little true.

Ill admit it I am not christian so really want sex(yeah I'm a guy) so as redhead said there are christians that marry to have sex. Im thinking that a lot of the reason I would get married is for that not saying that it should be excluded(even in my inexperience I think you need a good sex life to get married) its just more then the required amount.

And to Cat I really do love her its not just around her every time I think of her she matches perfectly the type of girl I want to spend my life with.

Learning as I go the uni thing is worth a massive shot but if I'm lonely and haven't seen her in awhile then go out and replenish my alcohol supplies I just think that without motivation e.g a ring I can't trust myself(anyone who judges me for that ask any guy and he'll know what I'm talking about)

Dahlia what do you mean exactly about learning more of someone after 2 years I know all the basics just what higher things are you referring too. And your other post I mean that like she can go shopping with one other guy(as friends calm down he is still alive) then she goes off at me when the situation was reversed.

Thanks for all this help guys much appreciated. You guys prob think I'm young and niave. I guess that's why I'm on here asking this question right?

P.s Im reasonably mature I know wats going on don't sugar coat things for me give the truth

If you know she is the "ONE" there would be no doubt and you would not even consider going to different colleges if they were very far apart esp.

So date, get though college and if you are still together, then she will be the one.

Also since you mentioned sex, and "she is a chrsitian" can I ask, it sounds like not having sex is starting to become a issue??

100 years ago it was common for people to get married at your age. But not today. Bacxk then they worked, ate, slept, wnet to church, went to the market, and worked,.

Today there are so many things out there working against you. Night clubs, malls, college is more common, places where young people congregate.

I think you should get some education, experience, and basic knowledge of life before you even THINK about getting married.

Personally I don't see how she can be such a strict Christian, and you not being a Christian at all , how she thinks it's going to work. Have you considered going to church with her? It's really not that bad.

Are you spiritual at all? Do you believe in GOD?

Whatever your beliefs are, getting married just to have sex is absolutely crazy.

I agree with the working on your relationship suggestion too.

Life is short. Go live it to the fullest. Be safe, happy, and wise.

May GOD bless you both.

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Originally Posted by Influence

Thanks for all this help guys much appreciated. You guys prob think I'm young and niave. I guess that's why I'm on here asking this question right?

P.s Im reasonably mature i know wats going on don't sugar coat things for me give the truth

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No spoonfuls of sugar:

But she doesn't sound like she is.

If you got the ring today and gave it to her tonight would you get sex tomorrow?

That isn't proper Christian behavior (common, but not proper). She is using her Religious Beliefs to get what she wants: engagement with future marriage, holding on to you, and internal permission to play sex games. You're using the ring as a bribe to get sex. That is not a good foundation for a long-term relationship. Do her Beliefs allow for contraception (pulling out doesn't work)? What happens if she gets pregnant? Do you marry her even if you aren't sure she is "the one".

What happens if you do have sex and her Christian values send her on a guilt trip? What about if her parents find out that she didn't live up to their Ideals and kick her out or demand that she has nothing to do with you?

I think you are caught up in the short-term and what you can get and not about the long-term repercussions.

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i think of her she matches perfectly the type of girl i want to spend my life with.

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But you said you don't like her all the time. That in itself says there are problems in the relationship. Love is important but it needs a firm foundation of friendship which is built on liking the person.

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Originally Posted by Influence

Thanks for that info i know i dont really want to say it but i think this is a lil true.

Ill admit it i am not christian so really want sex(yeah im a guy) so as redhead said there are christians that marry to have sex. Im thinking that a lot of the reason i would get married is for that not saying that it should be excluded(even in my inexperience i think u need a good sex life to get married) its just more then the required amount.

And to Cat i really do love her its not just around her every time i think of her she matches perfectly the type of girl i want to spend my life with.

Learning as I go the uni thing is worth a massive shot but if im lonely and havent seen her in awhile then go out and replenish my alcohol supplies I just think that without motivation e.g a ring i can't trust myself(anyone who judges me for that ask any guy and he'll know wat im talking about)

dahlia wat do u mean exactly about learning more of someone after 2 years i know all the basics just wat higher things are you refering too. and ur other post i mean that like she can go shopping with one other guy(as friends calm down he is still alive) then she goes off at me wen the situation was reversed.

Thanks for all this help guys much appreciated. You guys prob think im young and niave. I guess thats why im on here asking this question right?

P.s Im reasonably mature i know wats goin on dont sugar coat things for me give the truth

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I haven't passed judgement on you for being 18. But you're 18, and that means that you've got some more living to do before you are ready to keep a marriage successful.

Anyone of age can GET married, the hard part is STAYING married. I have seen a lot of my friends get married at a young age, only to spilt in a few years.

Wait, and be SURE.

Divorce is so common these days because people jump in before they're ready, or find out too late that they're not compatible with their mate.

When I was your age, I thought I was mature too. But the older you get, the more you realize that wisdom comes from experience.

In my many years of being a crew chief, then a teamleader, I have tried to be respectful in my mentoring of young men. I am a straight shooter, as I didn't want to be "spoon fed" myself.

Sometimes you have to put a little sugar in the medicine as to not hurt feelings, though.

You want my opinion? Wait. Get an education. Being strapped for cash will put a tremendous strain of your marriage.

Get a good job first. Time will tell if she's truly the one.

I think it's admirable that you've asked for help.

Good luck to you.

Yeah that was the plan to see if it could work over long distance then obviously if it did then yeah.

N yer it definiatly is but I'm a good boy and haven't influenced(lol) her I respect her ideas just yeah id like more and everyone please I know this makes me seem like a jerk but really what non religious guy wouldn't

Ok sorry the post above is in response to Fr Chuck I didn't get to read page 2 ill post another tomorrow for page 2 just I got to go
Ps thanks it is helping

All I'm going to say is YOUR LUCKY

It appears to me that the general consensus is that I should wait for a bit till after UNI or there about and set myself up first and by then ill know if she is the one but if I think along those lines and something happens and it doesn't work out then I've wasted 3-4 yrs or I guess is that just the risk

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Originally Posted by carloslhs

all im going to say is YOUR LUCKY

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And Carlos yeah I know

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Originally Posted by Influence

It appears to me that the general consensus is that I should wait for a bit till after UNI or there about and set myself up first and by then ill know if she is the one but if i think along those lines and something happens and it doesnt work out then ive wasted 3-4 yrs or i guess is that just the risk


and Carlos yeah i know

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There's no waste in living your life. There are good times and bad times, you learn from both. She's fun to be around right? Well, enjoy the time you have together, and if it's meant to be, then all is good.

Part of it isn't so much the waiting as the motivation. I think you are being coerced into making choices that you really should take time to think over. I have no problem with getting engaged now and having a long engagement. However, I don't see that happening here.

When one person is so set on getting a "ring" (aka: engaged), it usually means that their reasons are questionable. Does she love you because you are the man she wants to be with for the rest her life or is she using the concept of an engagement as permission to have sex? Is she using the "promise" of intercourse as way to get the ring and engagement?

I am not saying that they are mutually exclusive. Only that, once she gets the ring what is she going to want next? A more permanent ring on her finger and signatures on a piece of paper or she will have an emotional break-down because she went against her Beliefs and had sex outside of marriage?