I threw my husband out last year after 20 yrs of marriage-just wanted a separation. I took him back after 4 months-and have now found out about lots of women he "experienced" while we were separated. The jealousy is now making me crazy-but we are getting along better than ever... what's wrong with me??

I do not know what is wrong with you, but you threw him out, you guys were separated, right? Is it really infidelity? You say you are all getting along better now?

Counseling is needed for sure.

What's wrong with you?
Well you picked one means of dealing with proublems in your marriage,and that is a separation.
When did you find out about the other women?

And when did you forgive him for everything and invite him back into your life?
When did he ask for forgivness and ask to be a part of your life again.
If all of this happen then you need to forgive and FORGET
If it didn't then the whole separation was for nothing

This questions is more appropriate in the marriage section.

Marriage counselling is definitely necessary in this situation.

As for the time apart, what's done is done. You've been given a second chance with him.

If you're going to take him back after throwing him out, then you better before sure that you've fixed the problems that broke you up in the first place. Otherwise, it can blow up again.

The so called infidelity happened during the separation.

Not before. She just wanted a separation for the sake of separating by the sound of it.

What exactly was the reason for kicking him out?

If I read that correctly, you threw him out just because you wanted a separation? You took him back, why?

It sounds like you got bored with him and the marriage. Now, you aren't so bored. He probably is more attentive and you both are aware that separation is an "out" in your marriage.

Are you communicating better since the separation?

I would suggest that you treat those encounters as you should any that happened before you got together and let them go. I would also suggest std testing for both of you. Better to be safe than sorry.

What's wrong with you? Do you want a list? You threw him out... what did you expect him to do? You have absolutely no right to be upset about what he did after you initiated it.

Sorry... this is your issue, not his or a joint issue.

This should serve as a cautionary tale to anyone reading... 'throw out your significant other and the first thing s/he is going to do is nail someone else. Why? Cause s/he can.'

It doesn't sound like his heart was exactly broken during the four short months he was out of the house. Sounds like he did a lot of bed hopping, without regard that this was a separation, not a license to run rabid like a farm animal on the loose.

I presume it was a separation with the intent of working out problems, in order to make the marriage work. Instead, he took it as an opportunity to prove that he had no interest in making his marriage work.

I don't think that splitting hair over what is considered infidelity or not is the answer to figuring out his behaviour.

To me its pretty clear that a separation is time apart to figure out how to make the marriage work, and in that sense, marriage still exists, and infidelity should not be part of that process.

Unless of course, when this married couple separated, they each agreed to have as much sex as they can with anybody who happened across their path that was interested. Somehow that would determine the future of their marriage.

What did this guy need, a manual? Step One. Separation, but NOT separation to divorce, means that your marriage vows are still intact, and the intent is to make things work, not make this worse. Step two. Having random sex with multiple partners does not indicate you get Step One.

Separation without the intent to divorce is BS. Separation is separation and a break is a break. It IS a license to run rabid...

Especially when it is dictated - and from the OPs post, it didn't sound like he was asked. He was thrown out. Personally, I would have nailed her sister, just out of spite.

But then again, no one has ever accused me of being feeling or you know... human. :)

I would like to remind everyone that we only have one side of the story. I think that more information needs to be provided. Was there an argument prior to the husband being thrown out. Intent of getting back together is a huge factor. How and why did the couple get back together? Was it spontenous? Was it planned? Were issues being worked on during the 4 months? Was he sleeping with other people while trying to work out the issues?

There are too many unanswered questions.

Yes, it would be good to hear more of the circumstances, and expectations of both the husband and the wife when he left for that four months.

I didn't get the impression it was a legal separation, that's why I responded the way I did. Maybe it was.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

Yes, it would be good to hear more of the circumstances, and expectations of both the husband and the wife when he left for that four months.

I didn't get the impression it was a legal separation, that's why I responded the way i did. Maybe it was.

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Legal or not, a separation is a separation. She brought it on herself and the consequences that go along with it.