Ask Me Help Desk - I cannot feel any sexual pleasure.

This is an extremely big thing in my life for it contributes to my low self esteem.

I cannot, through anything, feel any type of sexual pleasure.
I have been masturbating for a few years, and have engaging in sexual intercourse with my boyfriend for a few months.
We have tried several different things to try to help it.
Nowhere do I feel any sexual pleasure.
I do become aroused and wet but I do not get anything from it.
My boyfriend feels as if it's his fault but it is not, it's something that has been with me since I started masturbating.

I need some answers.

Do you climax when you masturbate?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xrayman

do you climax when you masturbate?

I have never felt anything while masturbating.
Not even pleasure.

Are you on antidepressant medication? Sometimes this can kill the libido... Do you have any syptoms of low mood or depression? This can do the same thing...

Quote:

Originally Posted by sandalwood7

Are you on antidepressant medication? Sometimes this can kill the libido..... Do you have any syptoms of low mood or depression? This can do the same thing......

No to both.
I have never been depressed, just extremely sad at times but not always.

Ok... I think you need to give us more detail. Have you ever felt in love? Or attracted to someone?

What I mean is, is the feeling there? But the physical sensation not? Or is there no feeling as well... If you have sexual desire but no

Is your anatomy down below intact/normal as far as you know? Have you ever had an operation or female genital mutilation or injury to those parts?

Have you ever had a partner? Are you a virgin?

It would be helpful to know answers to these questions and also to have more detail about what you actually feel. This is a difficult one and we need more info to giv eyou better answers.

My best suggestion for the moment would be to experiment with your sexuality. By that I mean, try watching porn? :eek: Try touching yourself in different ways? Go to a sex shop and buy a vibrator... I recommend a silver bullet (ask there) Do you get turned on by anything at all? I know some of these suggestions may or may not sound shocking to you but I honestly think, given your serious problem you will need to explore ALL avenues before you give up.

One last thing. Is it really important to you to feel sexual pleasure? I don't know the answer but maybe there are some people that don't? Maybe you don't need to feel sexual pleasure to have a fulfilling life if you accept that? Maybe that is just the way you are and you lie on the other end of the bell curve. If you don't need it, then why do you want it? Is it because you want to be like everyone else? I am not sure that comparing yourself to other people is a good thing for your own happiness, but nevertheless, your problem does sound like something I would be concerned about too if it were me. I am sure there are other people like you about.

My one last suggestion is to go and see a sex therapsit or counsellor if you can afford it. They might have more proffessional experience with this problem and have better answers.

Sorry I realise that asked you some questions that were clearly answered in your question above... Really sorry... Haven't read your post for a while. Forgive?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sandalwood7

Ok..... I think you need to give us more detail. Have you ever felt in love? Or attracted to someone?

What I mean is, is the feeling there? but the physical sensation not? Or is there no feeling as well..... If you have sexual desire but no

Is your anatomy down below intact/normal as far as you know? Have you ever had an operation or female genital mutilation or injury to those parts?

Have you ever had a partner? Are you a virgin?

It would be helpful to know answers to these questions and also to have more detail about what you actually feel. This is a difficult one and we need more info to giv eyou better answers.

My best suggestion for the moment would be to experiment with your sexuality. By that I mean, try watching porn? :eek: Try touching yourself in different ways? Go to a sex shop and buy a vibrator..... I recommend a silver bullet (ask there) Do you get turned on by anything at all? I know some of these suggestions may or may not sound shocking to you but I honestly think, given your serious problem you will need to explore ALL avenues before you give up.

One last thing. Is it really important to you to feel sexual pleasure? I dont know the answer but maybe there are some people that dont?? Maybe you dont need to feel sexual pleasure to have a fulfilling life if you accept that? maybe that is just the way you are and you lie on the other end of the bell curve. if you dont need it, then why do you want it? is it because you want to be like everyone else? I am not sure that comparing yourself to other people is a good thing for your own happiness, but nevertheless, your problem does sound like something I would be concerned about too if it were me. I am sure there are other people like you about.

My one last suggestion is to go and see a sex therapsit or counsellor if you can afford it. They might have more proffessional experience with this problem and have better answers.

One, yes I have fell in love and have been attracted to someone, I am in love now.

Two, I do have many sexual desires and sensitive spots that spike my arousal but that's as far as my feeling goes.

Three, yes, I do have a normal anatomy. I have not had any major surgeries, or any surgeries as a matter of fact. And no injuries.

Four, I have had one partner who is currently my boyfriend and I am not a virgin. I have had sex with only him.

Five, I have watched porn, I have touched myself in various places to see what turns me on and such, I'm actually illegal in my area to buy a vibrator. Many things do turn me on, mostly my boyfriend's touch since it's so gentle.

Six, it's just, in my relationship with my boyfriend, I have experienced a high sex drive and it feels like I would seriously want to have something that will fulfill the urges that build up inside. To be able to feel good during sex and sexual activities, instead of feeling sad and upset with my body, and then having to deal with the feeling of being aroused. I am also extremely concerned though. My friends and I have that kind of relationship that we can talk about this to each other and I am the only one with this problem.

Seven, I shall look into the therapist.
Thank you.

I have the same problem in every regard. But I have been with two partners, both for two years. Loved them so much and they were both sooo hot! They turned me on, I wanted to have sex with them. I get wet and aroused, but then during sex, foreplay, anything. I get nothing. I can sort of understand not feeling "sex", but I don't feel oral or anything, that's what I can't understand. Its hopeless, I feel nothing can work, nothing is possible. I need help to. If you find anything helps, please tell me and I will do the same. X

Quote:

Originally Posted by mish1818

If you find anything helps, please tell me and I will do the same. X

Talk to your GYN.

Is there any physical sensation - pressure, stretching, anything? It sounds like you guys have the mental and emotional aspects of sex covered but are lacking the nerve response.

Can you feel anything from clitoral stimulation? Some women do not respond to penetration but can climax from external stimuli.

One more thing. I think females sometimes have to learn certain things (pleasure doesn't always come naturally without trying). Ie it can take some time to learn where the Gspot is. Once you find out where it is and learn what it feels like then it is easier to recognise the sensation when it happens next time (this involves epxerimentation with sexual positions, fingers etc).
Another thing that really helps to enhance sexual pleasure is pelvic floor exercises. Squeezing your pelvic floor muscles can enhance sexual pleasure when they get strong during sex (check out internet for different exercises to do) Honestly this works
Another thing is relaxation... you really need to be relaxed and let go to enjoy sex

Let us know how you get on

Sandalwood

It is very hard for many women to climax just from sex. When you masterbate by yourself, do you climax, can you find what makes you feel good, then you teach him, no reason that during foreplay you can't climax a few times before actual intercourse even starts

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catsmine

Talk to your GYN.

Is there any physical sensation - pressure, stretching, anything? It sounds like you guys have the mental and emotional aspects of sex covered but are lacking the nerve response.

Can you feel anything from clitoral stimulation? Some women do not respond to penetration but can climax from external stimuli.

Yes, I feel pressure of it going in and out. And sometimes I feel pain when it goes in too far etc. That's what I think it is, I just don't have the nerves other people have. But I don't understand why I don't have any nerves at all! I don't feel anything, from any form of touching by myself or someone else. Never have climaxed, couldn't imagine what it feels like? I have been to my GYNO, he told me to change the pill I was on to a diff type, but also go off it for 3 months. I asked him how sure he was this was going to work. He said he had no doubts that this would make everything normal. I was very doubtful, but was still happy he was so confident. So I went off the pill for 3 months and there was no change, then went on this different pill and still to this day 5 months later, there has been no change. This is slowly getting worse and worse and making me feel depressed and like I don't want to meet guys and potential boyfriends as I don't know what to tell them. No one wants to have sex with a girl who can't feel it, its stupid! This is making my life hell!

Are you still with your boyfriend?

I was just thinking... if you really have tried everything physical and still no pleasure then I think you have to focus on the mental aspect. i.e. I think that you need to try and focus on the mental aspect of having sex (th eemotional pleasure of someone being inside you). Could you not try and see if this works? For females this is an especially important thing durng sex... tyr and think how it emotionally fulfills you to be physically lose to someone you love. Who knows... maybe you can try this and within time you will be more relaxed and open to physical pleasure? Your mental state definitely needs to be right in order to be physically turned on... Onec you are turned on and your genital region is engorged (women have engorgement too just like men) then it heightens physical pleasurable sensations.

What do you think about this suggestion?

I think you should go back to your gynecologist, and lay everything down in front of him. He can't necessarily fix things if the problem isn't physical--but there are certainly several things to try.

Secondly--why the HELL are you having sex if it doesn't feel good? Slow down, girl. You don't have to have sex just so your BOYFRIEND feels good.

The pain from certain positions worries me--you need to mention that to your GYN as well--that's a possible symptom of endometriosis, and needs to be checked out.

I feel your pain. I feel no pleasure from anything either. If I find an answer, I will certainly pass it on to you!

My sister was the same way as you. She couldn't climax during masturbation or with her boyfriend. Stopped her because but it didn't work. Then she broke up with her boyfriend, got a bit older, and met a guy whose bones she wanted to jump right then and there. She can't climax just vaginally, but she definitely can climax with this guy.

The thing is female sexual organs, the part that feels good anyway, is leftovers from our time as unisex fetuses, like men's nipples. Some women's are larger and are in better areas and are more sensitive. The clitorus is actually a peak that turns into a v shaped chord inside you. Where it ends is termed as the G spot, and because of the shape of some women's they are able to orgasm vaginally, but some aren't. When you orgasm the v contracts. There's a really good TV show I saw on it called Curiosity: Why Is Sex Fun? You should be able to look it up on YouTube.