This started last year around Feb. My ex-boyfriend's daughter was 2 at the time when suddenly his ex-wife started to say he was physically abusing their daughter. She got him on supervised visits, and they had a couple of court dates. During supervised visits they noticed that he was great with his daughter so the place that did the visits actually wrote a letter to the judge. Also she had taken the child to Drs repeatedly and none of them said any of her bruises were consistent with abuse but she claimed one of them told her they were and it came out later that the Dr had not said that. They gave him his visitation back and the judge said in court he was more worried about the child with the mother and how she behaved then with the father. My friend then moved to get full custody. (He was charged by the state and later acquitted of negligent abuse.)

After he filed the papers for custody that's when she started to make accusations of sexual abuse which is how I got involved. She wrote me an email on My Space saying she thought he had sexually abused my son. She wrote me that whenever my son stayed at their house that my son would sleep in the bed with him and she would have to sleep on the couch and that he showed a weird interest in him. Now I was freaking out. We had ended things on good terms originally and he had continued to see my kids on weekends for years even though he's not their bio dad and he was especially close to my son. But our friendship had soured because of his marriage and we had stopped talking to each other. I called her and she gave me details of him sleeping in bed with my son with the door closed while she slept on the couch. As soon as my son came home I asked him where he used to sleep when he stayed over there and he said he slept on the couch, that he never slept in the bed not even one time and that she never slept on the couch. So now I'm suspicious of her story. She emails me a few more times and I notice she's being very inconsistent in what she's telling me so I decided to call him and get his side of things and he tells me of the hell she's been putting him through accusing him of all this stuff. Also that she's been denying him visitation constantly even though there's a court order for him to see their daughter every other weekend plus a weekday. I end up confronting her on all her different stories then she tries to say he told me those things when it was her and that I'm just letting him influence me and I must still have feelings for him. Then she's calling the police on him every time she lets him have a visit with their daughter claiming each time that she said he touched her or somehow sexually abused her. She took her to Drs and had them check her and photograph her and they told her there's no evidence of any abuse the police asked them both to take a polygraph and he passed his and she refused to take one because she said the police were just after her and siding with him.

Now they start going to a custody evaluator, but she's always out sick or can't see them even though they have a scheduled appointments for both to go in and see her and I think they only had one or two actual visits to her with him and his daughter. After several months she says her evaluation is done and up to this point she's telling him that by his ex refusing visits and everything else she's been doing has helped him and pretty much sealed the case for him but she wants them to both take lie detectors. He didn't know the results of his ex's test until they went to a final hearing to find out the recommendations and because his ex passed her polygraph she awarded her full custody and took away his rights. He didn't fail his but they ruled it inconclusive because they didn't like how he was breathing during the test. (He had already passed a police polygraph though). She never called anyone not the cops that investigated any of it nor anyone involved and it just seems that her entire recommendation was based on the polygraph test. She told him if he does supervised visits and therapy and all this stuff then he could possibly get visitations back but he was so broke financially and emotionally that he has just about given up on the system.

He has documented everything from the time his daughter was born because from the day she was born he had issues with his ex wife and her family not letting him see his daughter. To quote his ex's mom "he's not the father he's just the ex-husband", he has his ex-wife on tape going crazy saying things and then turning around another day and saying the opposite. He even has their daughter on tape telling him her grandma says it's really important that she has to tell people he hits her and she'll get her candy if she does. He has almost given up and feels like he lost is there anything he can do to still turn this around, any appeals a new evaluator or anything? I think the evaluator did a horrible job and didn't actually look into anything just relied on the polygraphs. Hopefully someone out there can give some advice on what he can do. There is so much more to this case then what I wrote but I feel like this is already too long so any questions just ask. Thank you to whomever takes the time to read this and respond any help is appreciated.

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Originally Posted by Angie103

This started last year around Feb. My ex-boyfriend's daughter was 2 at the time when suddenly his ex-wife started to say he was physically abusing their daughter. She got him on supervised visits, and they had a couple of court dates. During supervised visits they noticed that he was great with his daughter so the place that did the visits actually wrote a letter to the judge. Also she had taken the child to Drs repeatedly and none of them said any of her bruises were consistent with abuse but she claimed one of them told her they were and it came out later that the Dr had not said that. They gave him his visitation back and the judge said in court he was more worried about the child with the mother and how she behaved then with the father. My friend then moved to get full custody. (He was charged by the state and later acquitted of negligent abuse.)

After he filed the papers for custody that's when she started to make accusations of sexual abuse which is how I got involved. She wrote me an email on My Space saying she thought he had sexually abused my son. She wrote me that whenever my son stayed at their house that my son would sleep in the bed with him and she would have to sleep on the couch and that he showed a weird interest in him. Now I was freaking out. We had ended things on good terms originally and he had continued to see my kids on weekends for years even though he's not their bio dad and he was especially close to my son. But our friendship had soured because of his marriage and we had stopped talking to each other. I called her and she gave me details of him sleeping in bed with my son with the door closed while she slept on the couch. As soon as my son came home I asked him where he used to sleep when he stayed over there and he said he slept on the couch, that he never slept in the bed not even one time and that she never slept on the couch. So now I'm suspicious of her story. She emails me a few more times and I notice she's being very inconsistent in what she's telling me so I decided to call him and get his side of things and he tells me of the hell she's been putting him through accusing him of all this stuff. Also that she's been denying him visitation constantly even though there's a court order for him to see their daughter every other weekend plus a weekday. I end up confronting her on all her different stories then she tries to say he told me those things when it was her and that I'm just letting him influence me and I must still have feelings for him. Then she's calling the police on him every time she lets him have a visit with their daughter claiming each time that she said he touched her or somehow sexually abused her. She took her to Drs and had them check her and photograph her and they told her there's no evidence of any abuse the police asked them both to take a polygraph and he passed his and she refused to take one because she said the police were just after her and siding with him.

Now they start going to a custody evaluator, but she's always out sick or can't see them even though they have a scheduled appointments for both to go in and see her and I think they only had one or two actual visits to her with him and his daughter. After several months she says her evaluation is done and up to this point she's telling him that by his ex refusing visits and everything else she's been doing has helped him and pretty much sealed the case for him but she wants them to both take lie detectors. He didn't know the results of his ex's test until they went to a final hearing to find out the recommendations and because his ex passed her polygraph she awarded her full custody and took away his rights. He didn't fail his but they ruled it inconclusive because they didn't like how he was breathing during the test. (He had already passed a police polygraph though). She never called anyone not the cops that investigated any of it nor anyone involved and it just seems that her entire recommendation was based on the polygraph test. She told him if he does supervised visits and therapy and all this stuff then he could possibly get visitations back but he was so broke financially and emotionally that he has just about given up on the system.

He has documented everything from the time his daughter was born because from the day she was born he had issues with his ex wife and her family not letting him see his daughter. To quote his ex's mom "he's not the father he's just the ex-husband", he has his ex-wife on tape going crazy saying things and then turning around another day and saying the opposite. He even has their daughter on tape telling him her grandma says it's really important that she has to tell people he hits her and she'll get her candy if she does. He has almost given up and feels like he lost is there anything he can do to still turn this around, any appeals a new evaluator or anything? I think the evaluator did a horrible job and didn't actually look into anything just relied on the polygraphs. Hopefully someone out there can give some advice on what he can do. There is so much more to this case then what I wrote but I feel like this is already too long so any questions just ask. Thank you to whomever takes the time to read this and respond any help is appreciated.

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Something isn't adding up. They will not strip a parent of their rights when there is no evidence of abuse or neglect. There has to be something that is working against him, not just his exwife's word. If that was all it took, my husband wouldn't get to see his children ever because of all the lies that his exwife spreads about both him and I.

Either you're not giving us an accurate story, or he isn't giving it to you.

The fact that he has his daughter on a tape saying that her grandmother told her to lie means nothing. You have to look at it how a judge is going to look at it: if a child can be influenced by her mother and grandmother to lie about her father, she can be just as easily influenced by her father to lie about her mother and grandmother.

I feel absolutely terrible for this little girl. She sounds like she is surrounded by tons of adults who care more about themselves than they do about her.

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Originally Posted by this8384

Something isn't adding up. They will not strip a parent of their rights when there is no evidence of abuse or neglect. There has to be something that is working against him, not just his exwife's word. If that was all it took, my husband wouldn't get to see his children ever because of all the lies that his exwife spreads about both him and I.

Either you're not giving us an accurate story, or he isn't giving it to you.

The fact that he has his daughter on a tape saying that her grandmother told her to lie means nothing. You have to look at it how a judge is going to look at it: if a child can be influenced by her mother and grandmother to lie about her father, she can be just as easily influenced by her father to lie about her mother and grandmother.

I feel absolutely terrible for this little girl. She sounds like she is surrounded by tons of adults who care more about themselves than they do about her.

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I have to partly disagree here. If a charge is brought to court and acted upon then the other parent loses rights through restraining orders etc until all charges are heard and cleared. Too many parents have done this to their children and in some states there are laws on the books to prevent it. Meaning the one making the accusation has to either prove up or lose custody. The other parent really does need to be evaluated more closely. They can't just rely on a polygraph if only one party took it. I hope that he has a lawyer walking him though this mine field. As far as what he can do he needs to document document document. If the evaluator ( not sure if private or court supplied ) does a poor job then there is always the right to challenge the findings. Hopefully not too late. Also the recommendations should appear in his hands before the court date. Parental evaluation shouldn't be taken lightly and with these circumstances going on its even more important to get to the bottom of things.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

I have to partly disagree here. If a charge is brought to court and acted upon then the other parent loses rights through restraining orders etc until all charges are heard and cleared. Too many parents have done this to thier children and in some states there are laws on the books to prevent it. Meaning the one making the accusation has to either prove up or lose custody. The other parent really does need to be evaluated more closely. They can't just rely on a polygraph if only one party took it. I hope that he has a lawyer walking him though this mine field. As far as what he can do he needs to document document document. If the evaluator ( not sure if private or court supplied ) does a poor job then there is always the right to challenge the findings. Hopefully not too late. Also the recomendations should appear in his hands before the court date. Parental evaluation shouldnt be taken lightly and with these circumstances going on its even more important to get to the bottom of things.

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That's more or less what I meant. What I read was: the mother made allegations of sexual abuse which were proven to be false, yet he was still stripped of his rights based on polygraph results.

It doesn't seem right to me.

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Originally Posted by this8384

That's more or less what I meant. What I read was: the mother made allegations of sexual abuse which were proven to be false, yet he was still stripped of his rights based on polygraph results.

It doesn't seem right to me.

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I guess I read it different. I thought he was the only one to take a polygraph. And the accuser didn't. Also if they took his rights away it takes another trial to get them back in most cases and the waiting list for those is extremely long.

Either way it doesn't seem right that one parent can do that to another and have no reprocussions.

Amended: You might find this interesting reading.

IPT Journal - "The Effects of a False Allegation of Child Sexual Abuse on an Intact Middle Class Family"

Article False Claims of Child Abuse, Imhoff & Associates Criminal Defense

I agree; it doesn't seem right that one parent can make allegations and not have to answer for them. My assumptions were based on this statement:

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Originally Posted by Angie103

She took her to Drs and had them check her and photograph her and they told her there's no evidence of any abuse the police asked them both to take a polygraph and he passed his and she refused to take one because she said the police were just after her and siding with him.

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There was no physical evidence of sexual abuse and the accused was willing to submit to a polygraph, whereas the accuser refused to take the polygraph. That's why I don't think we're getting the full story.