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I'm 25 and my b/f is 30.. I want to get married to him.. but I'm confused now in what to do.. He has not gave me much attention lately And I feel just not been there for me... And we argued a lot.. Since I told him he has changed he's nicer and give a lot more attention and gives me what I need... But how do I know this is for real?
Relationships require constant care and attention. What you have listed is fairly vague and sounds like the relationship issues are being addressed. You need a healthy foundation of communication to work through the daily stresses of a long term relationship.
Arguing is not a healthy way to communicate 'alot'. Learn new ways to express yourself without anger and frustration and learn to listen to each other. If your emotions are too high then learn to walk away, evaluate and readdress situations when you are more calm.
Relationships take hard work and a strong communication system. Seems like you have trouble in both aspects. You need to work on strengthening your communication with one another, go to counselling of you have to.
On the other hand, sometimes couples hang on to the relationship because they are hoping that the other person will change. But in fact, you're just dragging out the inevitable break up.
If he's not providing you what you want (possible marriage) and need (someone who treats you nicely), then maybe it's time to call it quits.
How was the relationship before he started seeming less in-attentive?
If this is a new development, then it probably is a result of being more used to the relationship (feeling less need to court), stress (family, work, life... ), etc. How he shows attention may also be changing as the relationship matures.
It sounds like you are communicating and trying to remember that the relationship needs love and care to keep it strong. Just keep in mind that "Honeymoon" feelings do change to more stable emotions and actions.
Only time will tell... see if it continues or if he stops suddenly after a few weeks or months. Sometimes, a person needs to realize what he/she is about to lose before they consciously make a change for the better. Good luck to you!Quote:
Originally Posted by helpus2009
I guess its just that I'm confused now.. I feel all this time I was loving him and with him he didn't show it.. its very hard to leave. I don't think it's hard because I'm just use to us.. I really love him and want it to work I'm not sure it will but I want it all with him... hmmfff
Does this mean that he has always been in-attentive?Quote:
Originally Posted by helpus2009
You start with expressing what you want
Then see how he feels, and discuss ways to get it, if that's what you both want.Quote:
but I want it all with him... hmmfff
The best indication of future behavior is past behavior.Quote:
But how do I know this is for real?
Or he just may need to be periodically reminded that he is slipping in the attention department.
Something you need to discuss with him is what are both of your expectations for the relationship and are they realistic?
What are the deal breakers for both of you?
As has been said communication takes work and learning how to do so effectively to create long lasting change is learned.
Fair fighting is learned as well. Learn how to disagree without being petty and argumentative.
Love is the easy part ,it just is but learning how to make a solid relationship is work.
Below is a link that will give your guidelines for fair fighting.Print it out and read it with your BF.Put it on your fridge so you can see it and review it daily.
Work at it!
Dr. Phil.com - Advice - How to Fight Fair
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