I split up with my boyfriend on Saturday after 4 years, everything was fine we argue like any other couple but nothing to serious. Since we have been together we have spent everyday with each other. He started a new job a couple on months ago and on Friday he decided to go our with a couple of people from work. I was fine with this and he told me to ring him about 12 oclock if I wanted to make sure he got home OK. When I tried to call him he didn't answer, eventually he called me around 4am, he was fine with me and just said he lost track of time but he was going our with his mates again that night.

I was OK with it as Im not one to stop him having his own life, but he phoned me around the same time the next day and said he had met someone elso on Friday and didn't want me anymore. I wnet over to his to see if I could sort something out and he said he was still madly in love with me but didn't want a relationship.

I am so confused, I really don't know what to do I can't eat or sleep. I can't do anything without thinking about him. We are due to go on holiday on New Years Day and with my family and I don't think I can handle going with out him.

Can someone help, how do you get over something like this I can't stop myself from phoning him because I'm missing him so much already.

The other girl he met she was one of his mates friends. He has been out with her for the last two days doing things like ice skating and cinemas. I have tried to do other things but I just keep filling up and its embarrassing when I'm at work. He said he didn't do anything with this other girl but he wouldn't swear on it. He has phoned me twice today and asked me to round his tonight because he still loves me. Is he just messing me around.

Im sorry to hear this.

What do u mean he met someone else? Did he explain himself to you?
You deserve to know.

I'm sorry to hear this, but it's done. He said he met someone else, and he did. I know it's hard, I've been there about 10 months ago, and if I can give you advise, please follow the advise you get from the people on this site, and in no time you will feel happy again. The sad fact is - if he truly loved you, he would not have stayed out so late. I've been there, I've been cheated on many times. He doesn't respect your feelings, and you don't want to be with someone like that.

Hang on!

I know! What does your gut feeling say? Hmmmm, you know the answer to that don't you. And I know it hurts, but BELIEVE me, it does get better. You don't want this loser in your life. Mine waisted 7 years of my life. I'm 30 now, and I wish I could turn back time. If they cheat once, they will do it again, believe me. " he wouldnt swear to it" Isn't this confirmation. You what I think, he's going to play this girl, and he's going to play you. But you must promise yourself, that you WILL NOT allow it.

He has cheated before but I took him back because I love him. I don't think I want him back now but it really hard thinking about doing things without him. I can't stop myself from wanted to speak to him but when I do its just hurts even more when I have to leave him again.

I am only 21, all of my friends are male as we shared the same group. They are not really helping as they think its one big joke and tell me to go with someone else.

Im sorry.
Once a cheater always a cheater and now u can vow for this yourself.

Why think of wanting him back. Look at it this way... would u want him back but have an edgy relationship driving yourself mad, wondering if he is cheating on you again or if he will do so in the near future?
I would concentrate on yourself and get this a**hole out of your mind.
He doesn't deserve your trust and love.

You still so young. And he has cheated on you, come on - you don't want this? You don't want to be with him for 10 years and then suddenly he dumps you. So by the way this is what happen to me. I left him eventually, because he cheated again, and guess what - 10 months after we broke up he got married... Now it's taking me much longer getting over the loser.

I lost ALL my friends, because we also shared the same group. But know after 10 months I realise they were not my true friends. I'm not going to lie, It's HARD! But at the end of the day, you going to meet someone that will treat you with respect..

First - work on yourself
ENJOY - your life, you so young...

Not a very good end after 4 years. But I understand the shock you must be in, since it sounds like this hit from the blue with no warning. I hope you don't make it worse by taking him back after he ambushed you. Take some time for yourself to sort out your own feelings as 4 years is a long time to invest in some one. Now would be a good time to invest in yourself for a while.

About a year ago I was having my doubts about staying with him, but I felt like he needed me, he doesn't usually do many things alone and he acts so useless most of the time. I felt really sorry for him and didn't want him to be on his own.
Im thinking now that was all a lie just to get me to stay with him until he found someone better.

Thany you for the Advice, I will try to follow it!

At this stage.. you have to start thinking in a selfish manner.. put yourself first.
Good Luck

Um sorry but him telling you he still loves you and calling you. Please do not fall for that crap. He's taking advantage of your feelings for him so he can have a little fling on the side when he can't get any from his new girlfriend. In other words he plans to use you and if you don't watch out you'll end up hurt by him again. Stay away from him and allow yourself healing time. Before and if you move on to another relationship.please let yourself get over him first so that way you don't end up punshing the new boyfriend for what the old one did and you need to love yourself a little bit more too.

I'm trying to ignore my feelings and push them to one side but they keep coming back. The weird thing is I keep thinking I'm not bothered if he is ahving a bit on the side as long as we are together.

Am I losing the plot or what??

No you're not. It's a normal process, such as grief.

Just keep yourself and your mind busy.