I've been with him for a year and yesterday he said he realized I remind him of his ex. The last one who was his longest relationship ever. He thought he would never ever admit it to me. I acted like I didn't care because the truth is I don't. I know he has a type of women he likes so it's OK that we have simliarities. But he said it's not about that and went on about the details she used to do and I do too and so on and on.

Now I feel quite down. Does it mean every time he sees me he sees her too? I feel weird making love to him too. Everything feels different since then.

I especially worry does he still has feelings for her. We all compare current ones with exes at some point but I feel this is too much. They're still in contact since they broke up because he had to move to another country and just decided they don't want long distance relationship. I worry what if she comes to visit him and they get back together. He reasures me it won't happen but still I feel like I lost my identity to her and starting to resent him.

Be aware ,keep your eyes open and trust your female instincts.

Perhaps he's just had an 'aha' moment and realized that there are similarities between his two GF's.

From what you say, I'm not sure that I would worry that much - and I certainty wouldn't let it get me down. He's with you isn't he? And, he was just talking about the things that you have in common, not getting back with her I assume?

I wouldn't let the specter of the Ex affect your relationship - what's the point of worrying about what MIGHT be?

By all means keep your eyes and ears open, but hey, it's your choice about whether you take this personally and let it lead to resentment.

They broke up because they didn't want a long distance relationship,but still keep in contact!

I would be nervous here...

How do you remind him of her?
The way you look,or dress,or the things you say?

There's nothing really you can do if he still has feelings for her, and a meeting between the two of may ignite a spark.

All you can do really is trust what you have,talk about it,and be honest about your feelings.

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they're still in contact since they broke up because he had to move to another country and just decided they don't want long distance relationship. I

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This may just be you over reacting to him, but this is a red flag to pay attention to. I think you feel the same way.

I would be curious as to how soon you two got together, after he moved from his ex?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I would be curious as to how soon you two got together, after he moved from his ex??

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That's what I wanted to add too. They were together for 2 years, and about 6 months after he moved from her, we got together. It's been over a year they haven't seen each other.
I did question him if they loved each other why didn't they find a way to stay together, but he never wants to talk about it, gets moody and says it's how they've decided.

Am I overeacting if she texts him how're things going and ending it with kisses? It sounds kind of friendly though. But I don't understand doesn't she have anyone to talk to but him?

I'm guessing she wants to talk to him..

If you are not privy to the reasons they decided not to have a long distance relationship,its anyone's guess.

The fact that he is unwilling to discuss it would raise a red flag to me.

Perhaps,there was never any real closure here for these two,and both still harbour feelings and what if's... your just the poor sod in the middle,not knowing, and not getting enough information to calm your fears.

Best advice (and this goes for any relationship) is if you are concerned, talk with him. Very little hurts a relationship like speculation. You (plural) should be able to discuss your concerns, if you want a good relationship.

Speculation and an over-active imagination can cause concerns or make them larger than they are.

Imagination should be for fun things.

You say that as soon as he left her,he and you got together.I would be worried ,too.I would hope that, I was not a rebound girlfriend. If,he is talking about this outloud ,to you,I would wonder how much this woman is really on his mind. You deserve a man that loves you for yourself and you own qualities.I would not want to be an imitation of a girlfriend past. I wish you peace and happiness. I hope that you two can get past this and move on but, I would keep my ears open and be prepared for anything.

He might only be with you because you are so similar to his ex and it makes him feel that he hasn't lost anything when him and his ex broke up. Maybe he's not over her yet, when he got together with you.

I would have to know more about why they broke up. He might not be over her, OR maybe she was perfect except for a few things that you have that she didn't.

My boyfriend said I reminded him of his ex, but that was because of something I said. I thought it was because I looked similar, but it wasn't.

I wish I know more but he just doesn't want to talk about it. I always ask calmly but his answers are too short and I'm left with nothing. I don't want to go back all the time all over again and ask about her.
everything I know is that he in general can't tolerate long distance. So they had a wonderful time until he had to move. No argument, it was a mutual decision. He also said if we had to be separated it would mean an end of our relationship. But he would like us to stay in contact just like he's with her.

I remind him of her by the way I walk, by gestures, facial expressions and he even does things to me he did to her. He says it's just a positive comparison.

it's killing me. I don't know if I should breakup with him because he treats me great, but I just don't feel special because of this. Am I being selfish?

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Originally Posted by userviewname

i wish i know more but he just doesn't wanna talk about it. i always ask calmly but his answers are too short and i'm left with nothing. i don't wanna go back all the time all over again and ask about her.
everything i know is that he in general can't tolerate long distance. so they had a wonderful time until he had to move. no argument, it was a mutual decision. he also said if we had to be seperated it would mean an end of our relationship. but he would like us to stay in contact just like he's with her.

i remind him of her by the way i walk, by gestures, facial expressions and he even does things to me he did to her. he says it's just a positive comparison.

it's killing me. i don't know if i should breakup with him because he treats me great, but i just don't feel special because of this. am i being selfish?

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Would it bother you if he made a comparison with his mother or his sister?

Unless you suspect that there is something more to his relationship with his Ex, I think that you need to take it at face value. Why wouldn't he be attracted to someone that reminded him of someone he liked?

If it's a positive comparison, how is that not special? You're with him, he likes you, he treats you great and you've been together a year.

If it's not as simple as this and he's somehow using you as a substitute for his Ex then by all means break it off. But, perhaps you need to examine your own insecurities before you do that.

I think what bothers me the most is I would never act the way he does out of respect towards the person I'm currently with. I would certantly never dare to make a comparison on loud. I'd love to make a person I'm with feel unique. So I can't be thankuful for his honesty.

I think this is demaging to our present. Digging up the past through the whole year we've been together made me emotionaly drained and triggered trust issues. So I could be insecure but I don't know anyone who could feel completely comfortable by this.

I want to be with him, I just cannot find a way to make myself feel OK with everything. I don't feel jealous, I somehow feel very sad and probably disapointed.

Do you think that this comparison he is making between the two of you is a deal breaker in your relationship?

I understand when you say you don't feel special to him...

Its nice to hear 'ive never met anyone like you' from a boyfriend/girlfriend.

And if he had to move away again,that would be the end anyway.

I have reached an impasse here,ony you now can decide if your are happy with the statas quo.

Is she in his heart and you in his arms enough?

It seems his way of doing things is different from yours, and its not covering all the bases for you. That's normal as people are different.

Maybe stepping back, and being more independent, and better balanced, will allow you to enjoy things right now, and not get carried away by the things you don't understand yet.

I think that's your key, not get to far ahead of the facts, or their meaning. Given your time together, your still learning about each other, and your ways.

It might not be a big deal, but you should definitely be wary of what he said. I agree with the others, it's definitely a red flag.

I would also like to add that communication is key in a successful relationship. So I suggest that you mention to him what you told us, about how uncomfortable you feel about what he said and go from there.

I think this is a question of compromise. Everyone is different. Everyone has different tastes and distates.

In your situation, you do not appreciate the fact that he compares you to his ex. I'm sure there are things about you that he doesn't appreciate. Therefore, instead of trying to analyze the specific details, maybe it's better to work out a mutual agreement.

To me, it's seems so unnecessary to mention that you remind of him your ex. He's better off leaving that detail out of the conversation and focusing on strengthening his relationship with you.

As for you, it's just in his personality to compare. In order to have a successful relationship, you need to be able to accept each other's personality.

So a fair comprise is that he doesn't bring it up again, but that you accept that part of his personality and move forward with your relationship.

However, you can't accept that part of his personality, then we have a different problem.