Ask Me Help Desk - I need to make her have an orgasm

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a while now. I am 19 and she is 18. We have been having sex for about four months. I can't seem to make her have an orgasm and I have been using every position that I know and every trick I know. I am not new to sex and orgasm and every other girl I have been with I have made them orgasm and I know that because of the signs that they have made. I want to please her in bed and she says the sex is great but also she has never had an orgasm and I want to be the first to give her that. Any advise on this will help me out a lot any tricks or tips positions or whatever works I just want to please her and make her happy and I don't want to be like some guys that their girls leave them for another guy because they don't make them . But I just don't understand why I can't make her when I do everything right but also she won't let me go down on her but help me

I still struggle to have an orgasm during sex.

No-one here can tell you how to make her orgasm as every woman is different.
Don't just try different positions, get her to take charge!
Put her on top and get HER to control the movement and pressure.

As for her not letting you give her oral, what are her reasons for this?
Is she just shy about it, does it make her feel dirty?

She finds it nasty like she said if I did that she wouldn't be able to kiss me at all and some other stuff but what would be the best positions to do to try and give her an orgasm but I just don't get it I kind of feel like a failure when I don't give an orgasm and I feel like I am letting her down and I hate that

Some girls physically can't have an orgasm from just sex..

Has she brought herself to orgasm through masturbation?
She can't guide you where to go if she hasn't been there herself.

You don't get her to in foreplay before you enter ? Does she not show you where and what feels good to her ?

Many woman do not orgasm just through penetration. If she can masturbate herself to orgasm, then why doesn't she masturbate while you're having sex, say with her on top or while you're lying side by side?

I might add, that good sex, and orgasms, can take some time. I know that people want things instantly these days, but enjoyment of sex is about relaxation, affection, intimacy and getting used to each other.

It's only been 4 months - why don't you relax a little and focus on enjoying each other? Sex is not about the destination - it's about the journey.

Sex can actually be incredibly enjoyable without an orgasm. The more you focus on trying to MAKE her come, the less likely she is to get anywhere near it I would suggest.

It may also help to stop comparing her with your other GF's. We are all different with different responses and needs. Comparing her with them will achieve nothing and only make you both feel more frustrated.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini54

Many woman do not orgasm just through penetration. If she can masturbate herself to orgasm, then why doesn't she masturbate while you're having sex, say with her on top or while you're lying side by side?

I might add, that good sex, and orgasms, can take some time. I know that people want things instantly these days, but enjoyment of sex is about relaxation, affection, intimacy and getting used to each other.

It's only been 4 months - why don't you relax a little and focus on enjoying each other? Sex is not about the destination - it's about the journey.

Sex can actually be incredibly enjoyable without an orgasm. The more you focus on trying to MAKE her come, the less likely she is to get anywhere near it I would suggest.

It may also help to stop comparing her with your other GF's. We are all different with different responses and needs. Comparing her with them will achieve nothing and only make you both feel more frustrated.

Other girlfriend's who faked. He thinks all of his exes were real,they were faking!

He knows they came because of how they acted.. please.. I can fake like the best of them and so can most women I know :p

I fake and its no biggie if I do.I don't need to come .I still feel good.Maybe it's a female thing but I don't NEED to have an orgasm to feel sexually satisfied.

I am happy with the love and I don't blue balls or anything,I 'm happy just feeling that love... Maybe it is just me.
I never feel unsatisfied when my love and I are done making love.. never ,even if I don't come.

Jonesy you say she's never orgasmed. You need to get together with her and help her "go all the way," pardon the pun. Take a weekend (a full 48 hours) to find out what she likes. All the lovers I've ever had really got off on it being just about them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jonesyk

she finds it nasty like she said if i did that she wouldnt be able to kiss me at all and some other stuff but what would be the best positions to do to try and give her an orgasm but i just dont get it i kinda feel like a failure when i dont give an orgasm and i feel like i am letting her down and i hate that

All the advice you have gotten above is excellent, I just wanted to add something about the oral sex..

If it makes her feel dirty then perhaps you could spend a steamy night in a hot tub or in the shower to encourage her to try oral but without making her feel dirty.

I agree about not wanting to kiss afterwards, I personally don't like it but that is fine. The actual act is not dirty at all, you just need to get her to do it once and really enjoy it so she wants more.

I usually start with oral (on myself) with my partner before sex as it gets things going "down there" before we start to have sex.

For me my orgasem is in my head... bear with me here... what I mean is,if there is something on my mind or my partner has said something that has urked me.. there is not a hope in hell its going to happen...

Make her feel like the most beautiful woman ever,she is your queen,and the very sight of her makes your knees buckle..

Catsmine is right,foreplay starts before the clothes come off... and a stop start method may work... take a break during sex,pillow talk and play are important in the bedroom..

If she feels pressure,its not going to happen either.

Take your time,set the mood,candles music,the works...

I totally agree with Gemini and Artlady and redhead. These are the points I would like to make/reiterate:

1) Not every woman can with intercourse alone. Some need to touch themselves during. If she is going to

2) She needs to masturbate, if she doesn't already. Buying her a vibrator would be a good start, but don't get one scarily big! This is a great help and every woman should have one. Casturbation and is very different for girls compared with guys. For guys it is a lot easier and they have all been doing it since age 12 or 13. For girls there is a lot less acceptance of masturbation within society. Girls don't talk about it and there is a tendency to feel dirty or weird doing it. In my experience, a loving partner can make all the difference. You need to talk to her and love her and tell her about how wonderful her body is and how sexy it is. You need to encourage her to masturbate and show her how normal it is and how natural it is. She might feel more comfortable trying it by herself first. Until she can masturbate and herself, there is no way she can during sex. Women need to learn how to . It is not like in the movies... for many women it takes time and understanding and patience and a loving relationship to enable her to do that. It takes many years in my experience for a woman to reach sexual maturity and to understand sex, to feel comfortable with her body and to learn what she likes in bed.

3) If she is going to , you need to listen to her. Men sometimes have the tendency to do their own thing during sex... to go too fast etc or too hard... and not to listen. LISTEN to her. LISTEN to what she wants. LISTEN to what position, what speed, what depth and what rhythm. My boyfrind at the moment has this tendency and he has been the least successful lover I have had if measured by numbers of orgasms. Slowly he is learning that he needs to listen to me to get me to climax. Otherwise I get frustrated, not pleasured and it is a no go. There are many ways to make love and men need to understand this sometimes, but then again so do women. Sex is about sharing, and you both need to talk and let the other person know what you like... A bit of give and take... Learning to talk during sex was the best thing I have ever learned for so many reasons... It is sexual, makes both people horny and you can learn what the other person likes. LISTEN to her! But also remember to tell her what you like.

4) is not the be all and end all. Don't make this your only priority, because otherwise anxiety will start to develop from both sides and she will never . Is a lot about what's in the mind for a woman. If she is anxious or stressed or feels she is not pleasing you she won't be able to... Don't feel bad about not making her come... It is her sexual hourney not yours. You are here to assist her, but it is also up to her to be open minded about sex, her body and sexual acts. It sounds like she might be a bit inhibited . I agree with the other writer above about being clean. If she feels clean she will be more likely to feel more comfortable about you going down on her. For some reason, society/religion/media/porn has the potential to make women feel ashamed of their genitals and that perhaps their genitals are dirty/ smelly (ie fishy). THIS IS SO UNTRUE! Tell her you love her smell, her taste and that you want to taste her. Brazilians are also a great way to feel better about oral sex. I always felt bad about my boyfriend getting hairs in his mouth but now I wlays have a brazilian because it makes me feel cleaner, no hair so no furballs in the throat and also feels amazing during oral sex. She needs to feel comfortable with you going down on her I think... be patient, encourage her and see how it goes.

5) She will definitely know when she has ! It also took me a while to for the first time, and there were many times I thought I had done so in the past, partly beacsue I wanted to please my partners. When I finally did I knew I had been wrong all along... So be patient and tell her it is OK if she hasn't yet. Tell her you love having sex with her and that you only want to give her pleasure. Try and understand that she will also be feeling a ibt anxious about not and that is why she will need lots of encouragement and reassurance. I am sure she still has a lot of pleasure from sex even if she doesn't . For women, being close to a man and feeling him inside her is very pleasurable, and is a need which must be fulfilled regardless of orgasm.

Keep trying! Good luck!