I've known this girl for about 1 or 2 years (I can't remember which semester we were introduced) but we were only introduced once. I have since spoken to her over msn, Facebook, (you know all the methods that don't count) and we have said hi to each other in the halls. I wasn't interested in her previously because she's a TOTAL knockout, and I felt like she was WAY out of my league. Also: she'd make bad girlfriend material because she has SOOOO many options. How she could settle for one guy is mind-boggling. She will always feel she can do better. It's like a platoon being told to take a hill or a ridge that they're going to have to defend for years to come!
I still don't think I have a chance with her. I'm average looking at best, do not drive and am definitely not the most socially comfortable guy (but I'm not awkward either, just with random hot girls!).

I know that thinking this way is counter-productive to my game IN GENERAL (not just with her). She's extremely popular -- so technically if I could get a couple dates with her, I could get a couple of dates with pretty much ANY girl (but there's always exceptions).
So now I think I can score this chick and I want to be suited up for battle!

I have her phone number and can call/text her if I want. I texted her earlier this week to meet up on one of her breaks, but she didn't respond. Keep in mind we're not that close. I later saw her in a public place with a bunch of people. We made eye contact. I smiled and moved on.

OK Here's MY QUESTION (thanks for sticking around this far):
I get anxiety whenever I see her so I don't feel like I can approach her. How can I go from being some bum/creep she barely knows to a guy she would actually want to go out with once or twice?

So, let me get this straight. You want advice on how to use her to boost your own social standing with the ladies?

1- Stop being a bum or a creep.

Just listening to you really made me want to shut off my laptop and run away. Your basically trying to use this girl so you could score with other girls, pretty or not , that is NOT good.

I would suggest you stop being a bum and get a job if you don't have one. Sorry but women do like men who have a job, we don't want to be forking out OUR money when you asked us on a date.

If you have a job I suggest you change your look. Do you wear all black? Baggy pants? South Pole shirts. Tweek your style so people notice. Change you hair. Start taking care of your skin! Shave! Grow a gootee or something different. Get contacts if you have glasses.

Start making friends. Go to school events. Go to parties. If your old enough, invite some guys from your class to have a couple of beers with you after school. Go the gym. Join some school sport or something. Volunteer.

Put yourself out there.

If you don't want to be a creepy bum your going to have to change.

Sarah

And learn to have some respect for women. For all you know even though this girl is beautiful maybe she's really insecure and looking for a nice guy to be in a committed relationship with. And all you want to do is use her.

In the future I will be more literal and minimize my use of "everyday language".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by justcurious55

so, let me get this straight. you want advice on how to use her to boost your own social standing with the ladies?

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no. I don't care about social standing. I'm saying that for my own confidence, it would be good.
I'm far from a "player" type and that behaviour is not for me.

Bum/Creep = socially awkward guy

Quote:

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Originally Posted by justcurious55

and learn to have some respect for women. for all you know even though this girl is beautiful maybe she's really insecure and looking for a nice guy to be in a committed relationship with. and all you want to do is use her.

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OK that's not it at all. I totally did not word my question correctly.
I'm making the presumption that she can do better than me, and she won't want to stick around past 2 dates. That's all that was about. Sure, I'd love to get to know her and we'll figure it out then -- but using is REALLY not my game AT ALL.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

1- Stop being a bum or a creep.

Just listening to you really made me want to shut off my laptop and run away. Your basically trying to use this girl so you could score with other girls, pretty or not , that is NOT good.

I would suggest you stop being a bum and get a job if you don't have one. Sorry but women do like men who have a job, we don't want to be forking out OUR money when you asked us on a date.

If you have a job I suggest you change your look. Do you wear all black? Baggy pants? South Pole shirts. Tweek your style so people notice. Change you hair. Start taking care of your skin! Shave! Grow a gootee or something different. Get contacts if you have glasses.

Start making friends. Go to school events. Go to parties. If your old enough, invite some guys from your class to have a couple of beers with you after school. Go the the gym. Join some school sport or something. Volunteer.

Put yourself out there.

If you don't want to be a creepy bum your going to have to change.

Sarah

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I have a very good job at the moment. I am always clean shaven. My look is pretty neutral. I could change that. To be honest, it's my attitude. I just have anxiety when I see attrative girls. I want to combat that.
My apologies for language in my OP that could be considered as "offensive". I really REALLY didn't mean to offend. I find the only way to make this experience better is to crack jokes about it. If this girl would actually want to have a conversation with me, I think my brain would actually explode.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

1- Stop being a bum or a creep.

Just listening to you really made me want to shut off my laptop and run away. Your basically trying to use this girl so you could score with other girls, pretty or not , that is NOT good.

I would suggest you stop being a bum and get a job if you don't have one. Sorry but women do like men who have a job, we don't want to be forking out OUR money when you asked us on a date.

If you have a job I suggest you change your look. Do you wear all black? Baggy pants? South Pole shirts. Tweek your style so people notice. Change you hair. Start taking care of your skin! Shave! Grow a gootee or something different. Get contacts if you have glasses.

Start making friends. Go to school events. Go to parties. If your old enough, invite some guys from your class to have a couple of beers with you after school. Go the the gym. Join some school sport or something. Volunteer.

Put yourself out there.

If you don't want to be a creepy bum your going to have to change.

Sarah

---

HEY! Nothing wrong with wearing all black, black is a very manly stylish color.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by WayBackHome

I've known this girl for about 1 or 2 years (I can't remember which semester we were introduced) but we were only introduced once. I have since spoken to her over msn, facebook, (you know all the methods that don't count) and we have said hi to each other in the halls. I wasn't interested in her previously because she's a TOTAL knockout, and I felt like she was WAY out of my league. Also: she'd make bad girlfriend material because she has SOOOO many options. How she could settle for one guy is mind-boggling. She will always feel she can do better. It's like a platoon being told to take a hill or a ridge that they're gonna have to defend for years to come!
I still don't think I have a chance with her. I'm average looking at best, do not drive and am definitely not the most socially comfortable guy (but I'm not awkward either, just with random hot girls!).

I know that thinking this way is counter-productive to my game IN GENERAL (not just with her). She's extremely popular -- so technically if I could get a couple dates with her, I could get a couple of dates with pretty much ANY girl (but there's always exceptions).
So now I think I can score this chick and I want to be suited up for battle!

I have her phone number and can call/text her if I want. I texted her earlier this week to meet up on one of her breaks, but she didn't respond. Keep in mind we're not that close. I later saw her in a public place with a bunch of ppl. We made eye contact. I smiled and moved on.

OK HERES MY QUESTION (thanks for sticking around this far):
I get anxiety whenever I see her so I don't feel like I can approach her. How can I go from being some bum/creep she barely knows to a guy she would actually want to go out with once or twice?

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From my vast experience and beautiful wife. I will let you in on a secret;

Respect

:eek: that's right.. if you respect her you are in! (NO! Not like that, that's not respecting behavior!).

Also, don't smell, be strong and confident and try to look decent. ;)

I will assume ( or surely hope) you are a teenager thinking this way. No it does not work that way.

Hey,check out the stickies on talking to girls and having confidence.. I can never find that link.. hopefully someone will come and find it for you.

Here's the link: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ls-378881.html

OK. Now I'm feeling better about this. Don't worry so much. Confidence is everything (well, that and respect). Pay attention to the stickies. And let us know how it works out for you :)

Thanks a lot everyone. I really appreciate your feedback. I will read the sticky now.
Also: I've noticed that if I see her, in the past I was prone to just walking and getting away (avoidance). Now I want to fix that nasty habit -- so I'm going to STOP in my tracks. And then turn towards where she's sitting... and then just walk. I feel like such a child.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by WayBackHome

thanks a lot everyone. I really appreciate your feedback. I will read the sticky now.
Also: I've noticed that if I see her, in the past I was prone to just walking and getting away (avoidance). Now I want to fix that nasty habit -- so I'm going to STOP in my tracks. and then turn towards where she's sitting...and then just walk. I feel like such a child.

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Just say hi.

To be confident you have to act confident.

You may be shaking on the inside and about to poop yourself but no one will know but you.

Be positive and you'll get positive results!


Sarah

And make eye contact. When my boyfriend and me were first introduced, he was too shy to even make eye contact with me when he talked to me. Lol

Mudweiser,
That post just made my day. It's easier said than done though! "nobody will know but you" I think you're onto something there!

JustCurious,
So far the only thing I'm SURE of here is
That when I DO manage to walk up to her, I will make eye contact, and speak clearly and articulately (I am generally told I am soft-spoken). I didn't work on this for girls per se, but it's definitely a helpful skill I picked up along the way. I realized awhile back that if I work on being as likeable as possible -- then I can be more helpful to more people than if I were a total . Unfortunately I was seen as a "nice guy" type, and eventually I rebeled because I kept getting rejected by girls I happened to develop feelings for. So that's a tad of history for you to understand a little more where I'm coming from. Right now I'm kind of in the middle between being a total pushover and a total .

*a total mean-spirited person.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I will assume ( or surely hope) you are a teenager thinking this way. No it does not work that way.

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Is this aimed at me? Or the Original Poster?

CC, it was directed at me for sure.
I think my thread title is a tad misleading so I'm going to start a new one with literal language! Thanks for your help guys -- amhd ftw.