Why was I the chosen one to not become a mother?
I was 10 years old when one of my ovaries was cut off due to a huge cyst operation. The surgeon didn't think much of it and neither did we. When I was 23, I developed a huge cyst on my remaining ovary and underwent another operation where the Gynaecologist tried to save as much ovarian tissue as possible. Everything was great and I got married to my man but 6 months later I found out that I was suffering from Premature ovarian failure at age 26 which is like early menopause so no chance of me ever conceiving naturally.
My options was only a Donor egg IVF cycle but over the last few months two of my IVF attempts failed and I feel completely lost. Now I know that the trouble isn't with my ovaries but also with something else in my body. My husband's sperms are perfect.
My issue is more emotional than physical because I am driving myself insane. I hate myself for being so helpless (not being able to know what to do).. and angry at God's decision to make only me completely infertile. I can't get it out of my head and each new pregnancy makes me feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. I felt like killing myself but my husband supported me, telling me that he wanted me more than any baby. Now he wants me to stop thinking about it and live a normal life for myself but I can't do it. I know I love him to death but this insecurity is killing me internally! I failed is what I feel over and over again and I don't have the strength of smiling as new people post their baby pics..
Why me God.. why did you decide to punish me for something that wasn't even in my control?