I wouldn't normally write on one of these forums but I'm just really confused and need someone's opinion...

Well I always knew she had a temper and I went into the relationship accepting that, but the other day I stood up for myself and told her she can't get mad at me if she's in a bad mood and that's its not fair etc etc...
But instead of taking on board the constructive criticism, she's just got full of rage and hate towards me.

So I decided I'd just give her space and she would eventually realise she was being unreasonable and say sorry and all would be good. But she just hasn't talked to me at all.
I texted her today saying " can i come over after dinner tomoz, we need to chat, you don't have to reply today, hopefully see you tomoz, xox"

So she didn't reply to that, but if she doesn't should I just drive over and talk to her anyway?
We have never had a big fight, and we just got back from a wonderful w/e away together and both were affectionate and loving, but all of a sudden its turned to crap.

I just want to know, how can I get her to talk to me? I love her so much and I just don't know what to do with myself at the moment, I know I should give her space but I just want to hear her voice again and be able to give her a hug...

Well any advice would be much appreciated, thanks :)

Go over and see if you can talk to her,if your relationship is normally good,and she is not normally like this.

Perhaps she has something on her mind?

We all need our own space,even couples,you have spent a week in each others company,even though you both had a good time,maybe she just needs a breather.

Go talk to her.

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well I always knew she had a temper and I went into the relationship accepting that

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You should NOT accept that!

If someone is displaying an out of control temper and you continually accept it ,all you are doing is encouraging that kind of behavior.

It is a red flag for verbal abuse and the potential is there for physical abuse as well.

The first time you defended yourself she refuses to speak to you and you are the one trying to make amends then you are further encouraging her to mistreat you.

You will only have more of the same.

I think you need to let her come to you with an apology for her out of control actions.

Don't ever be someone's doormat or be clingy and needy.It is not an attractive trait in a male or a female.

Wow she sounds like my ex (she calls herself a princess). A bad temper is hard to deal with, and worse even if they can't handle your standing up for yourself. You made your point, now it is her turn I guess?

Just for your information, I never got my ex to talk to me again... maybe for the better.

I want to go visit her, but she did 6-5 today at work, then she works at another job for 4 hours tonight, so by the time she gets home she will be fair tired, but if she don't reply to my text should I just show up un-announced and just talk to her?

I wouldn't.A person who can't have a normal discussion about their relationship and flies into a rage is a big red flag.Again don't be a doormat.

Well again zip has a opposite take

First off I have never had any luck getting a woman to apologise,weather she was right wrong it does not matter it just takes too much out of them
Instead of ruining what could <with work> end up being a good relationship you need to apologise to her,I guarantee you that is what she is waiting for.
Then you can work on the anger in a different way instead of telling her YOU can't get mad when YOUR in a bad mood you need to change it to,
Whenever you show anger it makes ME feel like da da da
You basically told her how she can't act and that does not fly at least not with any woman I have been around

In a relationship you need to have equal effort by both parties. If you don't have that you have one invested party, while the other isn't as invested in the relationship.

I do not believe that you help your situation by making the first approach (although you already did) and having unfavorable conditions for a beneficial conversation only further the likelihood that your conversation will not go well.

One thing is for sure, you aren't going to change her and now you are accepting something that is a serious red flag in a relationship. Artsy is direct in noting that she is emotionally abusive. People will treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated and right now you are allowing this behavior, by going back to her to talk about the situation before she has faced the problems that she created with her temper, you are furthering the problem, not solving it.

The best thing you can do for yourself and the relationship is wait for her to come to you about this situation.

Unless you've omitted some information. She's the one who yelled at you. So she should be the one apologizing.

You've already made an attempt to try to reconcile when you text her. She's ingoring you for a reason. I suggest that you continue to give her space, seeing that you've already made an attempt anyway.

Like Justy said, it takes two people to make a relationship work. You already know that you're willing to work on it, now let's see if she's willing as well. Remember, you already made an attempt to contact her, so now the ball is on her court. Wait and see what's her next move.

So you ignore her waiting for an apology she ignores you waiting for an apology
I'm confused.
There's nothing wrong with biting the bullet in order to ESTABLISH communication and then work on the issues,your not gaining anything by waiting on her,but be my guest

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Originally Posted by zippit

so you ignore her waiting for an apology she ignores you waiting for an apology
im confused.
Theres nothing wrong with biting the bullet in order to ESTABLISH communication and then work on the issues,your not gaining anything by waiting on her,but be my guest

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She has a bad temper, she owes him an apology.
What should he apologize for? Standing up for himself?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by zippit

so you ignore her waiting for an apology she ignores you waiting for an apology
im confused.
Theres nothing wrong with biting the bullet in order to ESTABLISH communication and then work on the issues,your not gaining anything by waiting on her,but be my guest

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I do see your point.Don't sweat it out and ruin what may be an opportunity to turn things around BUT she does need to learn some restraint and he needs to learn to stand up for himself.

First part of the post the op talks about going away on a weekend that went great! Did she have a bad temper then? His approach on telling her about her temper could have been done A lot better,how many ladies do you know that would accept being told
"hey your in a bad mood so you can't be mad at me" he said he accepted her temper so that was something THEY had together so
What if she had a bad day and came home to blow off some steam to her boyfriend who admittedly accepts her anger and he deals a crushing blow by saying you can't be mad at me,some times we have misdirected anger and we need someone to talk to and we end up getting angry with them its not right but he had made it OK by accepting her anger..
I do not believe the op came on here to break up,and I would bet my left n*t he is not getting his apology,and I bet he is back with her right now so I gave the advise that works we shall see

Give her a week to cool off. If she still hates you after that, then she has a lousy way of communicating any way.

You have accepted enough of her lousy temper and if she doesn't want to hear it when you stand up for herself... to bad.

Talaniman Rule #6- Don't put up with bad behavior, or you'll get more of it!

Talaniman Rule #4- If your going to stand up for yourself, then stand all the way, don't half a$$ yourself for anybody.

Talaniman Rule-Never, ever reward bad treatment, or disrespect. Better to do nothing, and disappear, than apologize to someone for putting a boot up your butt!!

You give a bad tempered person PLENTY OF TIME TO COOL OFF, or you end up kissing their butt, and it will be worse the next time they get pizzed.

Take it, or leave it.

I don't think you should be rewarding rage and hate by apologising.

I don't know how you approached her, but surely telling someone you don't like to be treated badly should not warrant this sort of response. This is not reasonable behavior.

Taking out your bad moods on people you care about is just not on, in my book. She knows this and is punishing you for standing up to her.

I'm not suggesting you break up with her, but I am suggesting you stick to your guns on this one. If you back down she will continue to behave like this, or worse, because you will have given her 'permission' by making it all your fault.

Let her contact you. The ball is in her court.