Ask Me Help Desk - Is my boyfriend gay?

Is my BF gay?

Hi, I hope I can get some advise. My boyfriend is 26 and new to the net. He started more than a month ago. He would spend all day on the net. So I went to find out what he does online all day. I found out he registered on different networks, including gay.com.
And on networks like tagged, and hi5. On tagged and hi5 I always find him adding and looking at pis of gay guys... and a couple of days ago I went to follow a msn conversation, and found out that he is chatting with some guy (from an other country). He is flirting with him, and has been on the webcam, and has shown of his privates to this guy. I confronted him, and he says it's just innocent fun. Is he experimenting, or is he gay?? PLEASE HELP?

This is pure speculation.

No one on her can tell you "Yeah he's gay".

For one you should be able to talk to your boyfriend-- he is your uh.. boyfriend.

Tell him what you just told us, ALSO tell him you support him, and you just want the truth because it wouldn't be fair to you nor him if he continued this relationship.

Sarah

I asked, but he keeps insisting it's just for fun. But how can I be sure.

The only way you can be sure is to get a keylogger and find out every little thing he does on the computer.

Your only going to find out the truth from him.

What does that even mean "just for fun". Did he explain that to you? Do his friends know? Does his parents? Ask him. If he gets offensive or starts fighting with you or changes the subject when your trying to talk about it's a sure sign he is trying to hide something.

Playing detective in a relationship is never fun.

In my opinion I would tell him "Look Ken, I don't feel comfortable that your on those sites, whether it were gay or straight, you are in a relationship with me. I know you said that you just do it for fun but I need more of an explanation. If you are gay or even bi, I am here to support you, I'm your girlfriend after all. I want straight answers and if I don't get any then I'm afraid that this relationship is over-- there is no use in being in a relationship where there is deceit and sneaky behavior."

Sarah

Thank you!

As a straight guy speaking... his actions flirting with gay guys and playing with his tool on webcam is most definitely suspicious. Because most likely the other guy is doing the same. That's not the behaviour of a straight guy. He's either bi or gay... can't tell you which however, only he knows that.

He could be curious,or exploring a fantasy?

Or straight acting gay,the possibilities are endless...

Sit him down again,mudweiser gave you some great tips and how the conversation should go...

Only you know if this is something your willing work on or walk out.

There are only two ways to know for sure if someone is gay/bi.

1. You catch them in bed with a member of the same sex. In flagrante delicto, as it were.

2. They tell you that they are gay/bi.

ANYTHING else is speculation.

Bottom line is this: if you don't like what he's doing, and it makes you uncomfortable, tell him so and ask him to stop, because to you it feels like cheating. (On a side note---how would he feel if YOU were sending pics of your privates to someone else that he didn't know?) If he will not stop, then the problem has nothing to do with whether he's gay or straight--it has to do with lack of communication and lack of respect, and you should probably move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mudweiser

The only way you can be sure is to get a keylogger and find out every little thing he does on the computer.

I work in IT and I would *never* recommend this... ever. It's unethical at the very least.

I am no expert, although I was raised by my uncle ,which happens to be gay. I have met A lot of gay people. My opinion is yes, I think he is gay.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

I work in IT and I would *never* recommend this...ever. It's unethical at the very least.

Oops?

Can I ask why though?

Sarah

Let me ask you this first. Which keylogger do you recommend? And how do you access the info after it's installed?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephsl84

Hi, I hope i can get some advise. My boyfriend is 26 and new to the net. He started more than a month ago. He would spend all day on the net. so i went to find out what he does online all day. I found out he registered on diferent networks, including gay.com.
and on networks like tagged, and hi5. on tagged and hi5 i always find him adding and looking at pis of gay guys... and a couple of days ago i went to follow a msn conversation, and found out that he is chatting with some guy (from an other country). He is flirting with him, and has been on the webcam, and has shown of his privates to this guy. I confronted him, and he says it's just innocent fun. Is he experimenting, or is he gay??????? PLEASE HELP?!

I don't know any straight guys who send naked pics to other guys and flirt with them "for fun". It sounds to me as though he's gay or bi. I'm wondering what else he's done with guys just for "fun". Please use protection if you stay with this guy. It doesn't sound like you're going to get the truth out of him.

Straight guys will do this with women, for the excitement factor and ego stroking... not with guys...

If you spy on him... expect this to destroy any trust he has in you. Remember that action doesn't come without consequences.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Let me ask you this first. Which keylogger do you recommend? And how do you access the info after it's installed?

Oh gee NK didn't mean to step on your toes.

I don't remember of any specific ones, I know there are some online you can get as a trail and buy and ones that you can buy at stores to "spy on your spouse".

I know that to access it you can press something like CRT SHIFT F12 at the same time and type in your password, then you'll be able to see what he has typed in, where he went on the net, etc.

Well if it "harms" your computer then don't do it... but why is it that a keylogger is not recommended?

My point was either she plays detective in the relationship or she leaves.

Sarah

The "spying on your spouse" part is probably the worst part of it all. Installing a keylooger is basically hacking into a person's personal property and stealing their personal information; not to mention tnat most keyloggers are rife with malware.

You shouldn't have to spy on him you should tell him it's unacceptable to you. He might not be gay. The stories I've heard from my husbands high school buddies would surprise you. Sometimes It's all in good fun.