Ask Me Help Desk - We are on a break.

We are on a break.

My girlfriend of 5 years today told me last Sunday that she wanted a break. Its been 8 days. Today is supposed to be our anniversary. I want to talk to her. I feel like if I do talk to her though she will get mad at me. Anyway I will tell you about what's going on. So she started college a month ago. The whole summer we were great. We grew more in love with each other. Then suddenly the end of July came along and she had to go on vacation with her family. She came back and a day later she was going to college.

I always told her that she never kissed me enough, that she never showed me enough affection. I knew that she loved me but she was never that type of girl to show it all the time. I told her how I was the one that initiated the kiss and I was the only one that was putting out the effort, so I think that she got a hold of this and just felt like she was not treating me as good as I was her. Which is true but I really never cared that much. As long as I got to kiss her and be with her that's all that mattered.

So anyway she starts up school and her school is 3 hours away and we don't text that much, I start texting her and everyonce and awhile she would text back. She was busy with school and starting to meet new friends and be with him. Which I was OK with. I have never pushed her to not hangout with her friends. I am not a boyfriend. I always cared for her feelings.

So she comes home three weeks later and I try to make the best date ever. I wanted to go on a picnic at a park. We went miniture golfing, took a walk by a lake. Then we went to the beach at sunset and walked. That's when she told me we needed to take a break.

I started crying she started crying. She said she doesn't know what she wants. She says its not the same for her anymore. She said its not me its her. I said WE can't date anybody else. We are Not communicating. What do I do? I love her more than anything. I don't want to lose her. Not after 5 years of being so in love.

We never fought. We started going out in the 8th grade. We graduated high school together. We been through so much. I was with her for five years and we never had sex. I respected the fact that she wanted to wait till marriage. That's how much I love her. Other guys would have walked away. But not me. She is very pretty too. She could get any guy she wants. She was Prom Queen. She is my love. I need answers to what I am supposed to do.

I didn't mean with him. I meanth with them. When talking about meeting and being with friends

You have surrounded your life with her far too much. You have made it all about her, you need to get your own life first. Having a girlfriend in your life is good, but you should be able to stand on your own too feet first. It doesn't seem like you can, you were always seeking approval from her, which tells me that you are insecure. Insecurity is a cancer to any relationship, it will not only tear at you, it will tear at her and the relationship you have built. You read into things that aren't there, you have trouble believing that she only wants you.

You also said that she could have any guy she wants. You look at it the wrong way, she wanted to be with you, which meant you are just as attractive and worthwhile as she is.

As to what to do,
1. Get yourself back out there.
2. Get hobbies and go out with friends
3. Go strict NC, don't call text or write her.
4. Read the NC rules on this forum as well as other posts. They are filled with advice for these types of solutions

Take a deep breath and you will get through this

I mean I really didn't surround myself around her, I was always with my friends. We only saw each other once a week.

Yea but look at how you were looking to her for comfort and reassurance. You don't need that man, trust me. Read my first posts here and see what I mean

We both worked a lot. And she went on a lot of vacations over the summer. But during the vacation we got closer to each other because I would be sweet to her and text her how beautiful she was and all that. We were very much in love. I just don't know what happened.

Life happened, for whatever reason people change. Sometimes you change together, sometimes you change apart. It's a sad reality but sometimes love just goes away

She just made me happy. I can get girls. I went on a date with this beautiful girl who is almost the same person as she is and I could think about while on the date was my ex/

Bottom line is she has made her mind up and has been thinking about this for a while , that's just the way it works I'm afraid.

The best thing you can do right now is leave her alone because the more you try to contact her at the moment will only push her away further and vindicate to herself why she broke up with you.

I know what you guys are saying. I just want her back. She still loves me. She told me that. She said she just needs time to get her head straight.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wantingher

I know what you guys are saying. I just want her back. She still loves me. She told me that. She said she just needs time to get her head straight.

Then give her that time and let her be. While you go out with friends and get yourself together.

[QUOTE=Wantingher;1980487]

Quote:

I know what you guys are saying. I just want her back.

We all want someone back when they dump us , unfortunately your at a stage now where your emotions won't let you think rationally and that's normal. That's why it's important not to contact her at the moment because you'll just do more damage by saying things that she really doesn't want to hear.

Quote:

She still loves me. She told me that.

They all say that when they are dumping you , it's their way of easing the guilt. You don't dump someone you Love , you work out any issue's together if there are problems.

Quote:

She said she just needs time to get her head straight.

So make sure you give her what she needs , but don't hold your breath waiting for her. If it happens so be it.

Red Flag #1

Quote:

I always told her that she never kissed me enough, that she never showed me enough affection. I knew that she loved me but she was never that type of girl to show it all the time.

If you really did accept her the way she was then you wouldn't have had a problem with her lack of emotional expression. You probably came off sounding needy and this would have put a lot of pressure on her to keep you satisfied.

Red Flag #2

Quote:

As long as i got to kiss her and be with her that's all that mattered.

So communication, mutual respect, trust and honesty, and all the other important factors in a relationship didn't mean anything to you? This shows extreme immaturity and insecurity. You have a lot to learn about yourself, man.

Red Flag #3

Quote:

So anyway she starts up school and her school is 3 hours away and we don't text that much, i start texting her and everyonce and awhile she would text back.

Basically, you smothered her while she was trying to adapt to her new lifestyle. I understand that long-distance relationships are tough, but you need to respect each others' space. If you don't, it can lead to anger and resentment very quickly.

Red Flag #4

Quote:

She said she doesn't know what she wants. She says its not the same for her anymore. She said its not me its her. I said WE can't date anybody else. We are Not communicating.

Seems to me she was communicating pretty well, actually. You just didn't want to listen. The worst thing you can do when someone truly wants to leave is try and hold them back. If you're broken up, you have no right to tell her she can't date other people.

Overall, I think you need to really look at this situation and identify your own mistakes here. This is the defining moment in your life - how you deal with losing your first love will affect you for the rest of your life. You're going to do some crazy, irrational things. You'll look back and shake your head; we all went through it, man. All you can do is pick up what's left of your broken heart, learn from your mistakes (yes, YOUR mistakes) and move on.

~ Tee

She may very well 'love' you. As a friend for the rest of her life.

That is different from being 'in love' which is more romantic, cuddly couples-type love.

A big question for you, do you love her or the idea of being in love with her?

You have been together for most of you formative years and I wonder if you are just accustomed to being a couple with her.

I think you need to take some time and try looking around you at other possibilities. Give yourself some emotional maturing time. That sounds like what she is trying to do.