Ask Me Help Desk - Is Love Really Real?

I've had a string of bad relationships. Not one after the other but I've had some really bad experiences and my heart has grown cold towards love. My dad was abusive towards my mum and I watched what I thought was the perfect marriage crumble before my eyes. My dad has had a failed marriage since, to a woman I loathed, and watched the woman he actually loved die. My mum likewise has been in relationships with men who have only hurt her.

I'm 25 now but dated women who took me for granted and my heart slowly hardened. Then I met a girl online a few weeks ago. We chatted a bit and I really enjoyed talking to her. Discovered that her brother is friends with my sister's fiancé and we've hung out a bit and I think she's stunning as well as having a wonderful personality. She's everything I want in a woman and I'm enjoying getting to know her and every moment I spend with her is special. We kissed for the first time two weeks ago, after a month of knowing each other, and it felt like my first kiss all over again. It felt magical, like I was a teenager again.

My question is, do you think I'm falling in love or am I moving too quickly? I'm a bit sceptical about love. I've never really known it to be real and I'm afraid that I'll get into this girl and then things will go pear shaped very quickly. I've just never known a girl to be as caring as she is or to actually care about how I feel like she does. I sort of told her my worries, and she told me to take as much time as I want. I just wonder if I should bother with the whole thing as I'm worried I'm setting myself up for a fall later.

Take the time you need to get to know each other and see where it takes you.If it works out that's great-if it doesn't it wasn't meant to be.You don't have to choose to have unhappy relationships-we all learn from experiences.

Go with it! Be happy.

When love is knocking open the door.

Emotionally your moving to fast. What stands out though is your high expectations for a stranger you just met.

Quote:

She's everything I want in a woman and I'm enjoying getting to know her and every moment I spend with her is special.

Its always milk and honey in the beginning. Everything is new, fresh, and exhilarating. It's a lot of fun.

Once those new feelings are worn out though, (and they will be once the honeymoon is over) what's left?

Don't get so carried away by those feelings you have, but enjoy getting to know each other, and see how you feel after 6 months to a year.

Keep your life balanced with other things besides her, that you enjoy.

Too much, to fast, crash, and burn. So what's the hurry?

Did your other relationships follow the same pattern... moving to fast??

Maybe I'm too young to be answering (I'm only 19) and I DON'T have any REAL dating experience, but I do have a 1 and only. My fiancé and I met when I was 15, we had our first kiss (and my first kiss) when I was 18 years old, and we're now engaged. I realize that not everyone has gone through the "relationship thing" without any heartbreak- but the reason why I have never had my heartbroken by a guy, is because I went into "dating" or "courting" my fiancé with the intent to marry him. I'd already been his friend, I knew him in group, alone,with my family, with his family, and various situations while we were just friends, and our closeness in that aspect, led to a relationship. If anyone- and I mean ANYONE, went into a relationship with the serious intent on marrying that person- there would be so much less hearbreak in the world when it comes to relationships. Dating wouldn't be a game anymore- it would be looking for the person you're going to give your life away to- that's ultimatly what love is, commitment. Basically if I could give you advice, even though I certainly haven't earned the right to speak into your life- especially about you and your girlfriend, but I would go by this:
-If you're not ready to get married, then don't start looking for a spouse until you are.
-If you're not sure she's the one, keep it at a friendship level until you decide to continue a relationship with her, or move on.
-If you feel like she IS the one, make sure she feels the same about you.
Make sure that she is also, in this for life. If she isn't- then clearly she will leave, and there will be heartbreak. Don't give your heart away to every girl you think you've fallen in love with, until you and her are on the same page- or, eventually, you will have no heart to give to your future wife. I'm not saying that relationships have no risk, they do- that's why it's best to be cautious, sure of yoursef, and confident of your decisions.

Because you had a string of bad experiences, the first girl who comes along that you seem to have more in common with might be blown a little bit out of proportion.

Keep things in perspective. Just enjoy the time that you spend together and keep getting to know each other. If the feelings are there, things will happen naturally. You don't need to force anything.

Generally, I don't move too quickly. I'm cautious normally. Haven't had a relationship shorter than 6 months but haven't been this happy even at the beginning of any relationship. It doesn't feel like a honeymoon period. But then again, it could just be a different type of honeymoon.

When do you officially know you are in love?

You will know, but more importantly what will you do about it? Put her on a pedestal, and expect smooth sailing? Or taking your time, and see if you work well together, over time, and especially when things are not so peaches, and cream.

You are in your honeymoon phase, because everything is going great.

I think you should get to know each other before you decide that you "love" her. Yes, I believe love is real, but it is not the fairy tale kind of love that you see in the movies. Love can be sticky sometimes, and it takes a lot of work. The real questions will come once the newness of the relationship has died down a bit. When you feel like you still want her, no matter what arguments you may have, and you can communicate respectfully etc, then yes, you might love her. But the relationship is WAY too new to know real feelings.