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-   -   Hostile father! (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=396492)

  • Sep 14, 2009, 06:27 PM
    userlala
    Hostile father!
    Hi I'M lala from CA.Now I have a temporary order until mediation with me and my daughter's father.He must pay me 300$ and he gets 5% Visitation with her.But he has been very hostile with over this court stuff that has been going on.So I told him that it would not be good for our child and he should wait till after court.Is it wrong for me to do that?And he lives 3 and half hour away and he thinks he wants to get our child.She is only a year old and would be a year and 3 month to young to take her that far!Can I bring up how hostile he is with me when we get in mediation?? I don't not want that around my kid?
  • Sep 14, 2009, 07:36 PM
    cdad
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by userlala View Post
    Hi I'M lala from CA.Now I have a temporary order until mediation with me and my daughter's father.He must pay me 300$ and and he gets 5% Visitation with her.But he has been very hostile with over this court stuff that has been going on.So I told him that it would not be good for our child and he should wait till after court.Is it wrong for me to do that?And he lives 3 and half hour away and he thinks he wants to get our child.She is only a year old and would be a year and 3 month to young to take her that far!Can I bring up how hostile he is with me when we get in mediation???I don't not want that around my kid?
    What does the courrt order say for visitation ? Depending on what it says if you don't let him have the child for his time then you could be facing jail time. I think most people might get hostile if their child was taken away and they were only given 5 %. Takes time to get used to it.
  • Sep 14, 2009, 07:54 PM
    userlala
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by califdadof3 View Post
    What does the courrt order say for visitation ? Depending on what it says if you dont let him have the child for his time then you could be facing jail time. I think most people might get hostile if thier child was taken away and they were only given 5 %. Takes time to get used to it.
    But it says 5 % but I don't think it's safe to have him around my child at this time till mediation he bad at this time.
  • Sep 14, 2009, 07:56 PM
    J_9
    Lala, look at it this way...

    You would get hostile too if you were only given 5%, right? Is it possible that he wants to be a father but is not being given the chance?
  • Sep 14, 2009, 08:05 PM
    userlala
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    lala, look at it this way....

    You would get hostile too if you were only given 5%, right? Is it possible that he wants to be a father but is not being given the chance?
    So letting see his kid when he is hostile like this?
  • Sep 14, 2009, 08:19 PM
    rockie100

    You must follow the temp. order. If you don't he may be able to get custody taken away from you. Mediation is just a costly discusion of compromise. In time he will cool off. He is still their father, with the same rights as you. Take a parenting course, you can learn a lot about dealing with your ex. And you child in time of devorce.
  • Sep 15, 2009, 10:35 AM
    this8384

    Can you give us examples of his hostility?

    Like others have said, if you fail to comply with the court order, that's going to affect you very negatively. Just saying that he's hostile doesn't give you the right to withhold his child, nor is it a defense against contempt of court, which is what you will be charged with if you try to handle this the way you think it should be handled.

    If I can ask, who moved so far away from the other parent? You stated that he lives three and a half hours from you; did he move there or did you move away from him?
  • Sep 15, 2009, 01:36 PM
    J_9
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by userlala View Post
    So letting see his kid when he is hostile like this??
    Hostile like what? You didn't give us any examples.

    Is he hostile toward the child or just you?
  • Sep 15, 2009, 02:40 PM
    userlala
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by this8384 View Post
    Can you give us examples of his hostility?

    Like others have said, if you fail to comply with the court order, that's going to affect you very negatively. Just saying that he's hostile doesn't give you the right to withhold his child, nor is it a defense against contempt of court, which is what you will be charged with if you try to handle this the way you think it should be handled.

    If I can ask, who moved so far away from the other parent? You stated that he lives three and a half hours from you; did he move there or did you move away from him?
    Like when he sends the child's money it's never on time,so I told him I think it should be garnished from his pay checks and he gets all mad and saying how I should have asked for it in court and just saying disrespectful things.I think it would be best to wait till he stops being disrespectful with me.
  • Sep 15, 2009, 02:44 PM
    userlala
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by this8384 View Post
    Can you give us examples of his hostility?

    Like others have said, if you fail to comply with the court order, that's going to affect you very negatively. Just saying that he's hostile doesn't give you the right to withhold his child, nor is it a defense against contempt of court, which is what you will be charged with if you try to handle this the way you think it should be handled.

    If I can ask, who moved so far away from the other parent? You stated that he lives three and a half hours from you; did he move there or did you move away from him?
    No he moved that far away from me.He said he could not pay rent where he was staying and he said it was cheaper to move almost 4 hour away.She is only a year and 3 months and he think he wants to put her on a train to take her back.I won't let he drive her back to get her,and a train should not have a baby on there.
  • Sep 15, 2009, 02:48 PM
    userlala
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    Hostile like what? You didn't give us any examples.

    Is he hostile toward the child or just you?
    He is very hostile with me.He is angry at me and I don't know why.And I don't want my child to see anything like this.
  • Sep 15, 2009, 02:49 PM
    this8384
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by userlala View Post
    Like when he sends the child's money it's never on time,so I told him I think it should be garnished from his pay checks and he gets all mad and saying how I should have asked for it in court and just saying disrespectful things.I think it would be best to wait till he stops being disrespectful with me.
    Sorry, "disrespect" doesn't fly in a court of law. If it did, my husband's ex would be in jail more time than I have fingers and toes for all the things she's said to and about both him and I.

    If you want money delivered to you by a certain date, then go to court and ask for it. Of course, that doesn't always mean it'll be on time then, either. I have a friend whose ex-husband of 9 years likes to fall behind about a month, wait until she files for contempt, and then mail all the money he owes in.
  • Sep 15, 2009, 03:05 PM
    userlala
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by this8384 View Post
    Sorry, "disrespect" doesn't fly in a court of law. If it did, my husband's ex would be in jail more time than I have fingers and toes for all the things she's said to and about both him and I.

    If you want money delivered to you by a certain date, then go to court and ask for it. of course, that doesn't always mean it'll be on time then, either. I have a friend whose ex-husband of 9 years likes to fall behind about a month, wait until she files for contempt, and then mail all the money he owes in.
    Well can I stop him from trying to get my child 3 and half hour away from home at such a young age?
  • Sep 15, 2009, 03:11 PM
    this8384
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by userlala View Post
    Well can I stop him from trying to get my child 3 and half hour away from home at such a young age?
    Not if the court says he's allowed to see her. The court usually rules in the best interest of a child. A train ride will be out of the question, but they're not going to cut him out of her life completely, either.
  • Sep 15, 2009, 03:14 PM
    userlala
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by this8384 View Post
    Not if the court says he's allowed to see her. The court usually rules in the best interest of a child. A train ride will be out of the question, but they're not going to cut him out of her life completely, either.
    That and the car I think would be bad
  • Sep 15, 2009, 03:19 PM
    this8384
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by userlala View Post
    That and the car I think would be bad
    A 3-4 hour car ride is not bad. We've driven from Wisconsin to Texas when our daughter was the same age as your daughter is now.

    Forgive me, I'm not trying to be rude - but it almost sounds as if you just don't want him to see your daughter anymore and are trying to use anything you can as an excuse. That may not be the case, but you keep bringing up things that really aren't relevant.
  • Sep 15, 2009, 03:24 PM
    userlala
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by this8384 View Post
    A 3-4 hour car ride is not bad. We've driven from Wisconsin to Texas when our daughter was the exact same age as your daughter is now.

    Forgive me, I'm not trying to be rude - but it almost sounds as if you just don't want him to see your daughter anymore and are trying to use anything you can as an excuse. That may not be the case, but you keep bringing up things that really aren't relevant.
    No I just want him to see his child in the county where she lives.
  • Sep 15, 2009, 04:01 PM
    J_9
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by userlala View Post
    No I just want him to see his child in the county where she lives.
    Unfortunately, you don't get to dictate that. The court does. If the father is not hostile to the child there is little you can do. Most ex's are hostile. In your own way you are hostile as well.

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