I've been my boyfriend's friend for the past 5 years. His 2nd ex has been in an off and on flirting relationship with my boyfriend throughout his 3 past relationships, the past 5 years even when they were both in relationships. (tussling on the floor, fake crotch grabbing, hugging, clinging) and a kiss on the cheek from her alone at his house after his 3rd relationship, 4 months before we started dating. I'm slightly happier because a couple of days ago her status changed to in a relationship with another guy. We've been dating about 15 months, they dated for about 6.

At the beginning of our relationship, he said he was going to cut off all contact to his exes. 6 months later, his ex starts im-ing him online, and he im-ed back. He told me the gist of the conversations, basically how the other was doing in life. Then she started sending him private messages. He wouldn't let me read the new messages because the beginning of the thread was from when they were dating. She invited him to her room to play a game but he turned her down. 4 months after that, he bumped into her and her guy friend, and something of hers ended up in his backpack. He went to her dorm room without telling me beforehand and returned it. I got pretty upset, and he said he resented me because I was holding back his friendships with girls, and he wanted to be friends again with her.

Over the summer, he got a new cell phone and put her number in it. I got upset, and he deleted it. Now, they have a class together that can't be replaced. I told him he could do whatever he wanted to do with her within reasonable friendship limits as long as he told me about it later. The very next day, he put her number back into his cell and texted her asking about a homework assignment. I was slightly irked because he did it so quickly after I said he could do whatever; he could have just as easily sent the class an e-mail.

Recently, his dad had an emergency so he texted her seeing if she could turn in his assignment for him. I stood on the opposite side of him and the opening of the door. As soon as she walked out, she gave him a long hug (longer than 5 seconds). He looked relieved, but didn't hug back or push her away. As soon as she turned to go back in a look of absolute shock passed over her face (I smiled and waved), and she mumbled to him something about giving the hug to his dad. After the shock had passed on her face, it looked like she was angry, at me. I asked to see the texts he sent her, and he told me he deleted EVERY text that used to be on his phone from everyone so I wouldn't get angry when reading them.

Two days later, he walked out right behind her out of the classroom and she was laughing while he was looking down. He explained there was a stinky guy behind him and he was telling her to move. The teacher also assigned them to be in a group together with 2 other guys. I asked my boyfriend why he wants to be friends with her, and he said he didn't want to be friends with her right now. Their interaction is kind of unavoidable since they're in a class, in a group together though.

It feels like she's accelerating whatever she wants with my boyfriend. What is he thinking? What should I do?

WoW. I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

Your boyfriend seems to be very wishy-washy. First he says he's cutting all contact, but replies to her IM's in spite of what he told you- so 1. He lied.
next he won't let you read any of the messages that she sends him- so 2.He's hiding something. (even if it was from when they were dating. You're his girlfriend now, he shouldn't care about what his past girlfriend's did, he should be open and honest so that you have no reason to distrust him.)
after that he goes into her dorm without consenting you first and says that he wants to be friends with her again, then lies and says that he DOESN'T want to be friends with her?

It sounds like he's trying to please you and please her at the same time. Maybe he's being two-faced.

Your feelings are completely understandable. You're not hindering his friendships with other girls, this is his EX for crying out loud, and hugging your ex in front of your current girlfriend is definitely a no-no. Seriously. You need to question your relationship with this guy- tell him how you feel and let him know that you'd rather him not speak to his ex- instead he could focus that attention on YOU- his GIRLFRIEND, after all, you're his woman and you deserve to be treated with RESPECT. He's giving this girl so much attention, and is completely disregarding your feelings on the matter, it makes me sick. It's nothing against you, but the way you talk about this guy in this situation makes me think he's a jerk =P sorry if that offends you.

Since you can't handle him being friends with his ex, then what are you hanging around for? I doubt he changes.

You have painted a picture for us that show you to be this little miss follow-around,and now you are resorting to asking for permission to view texts-im's.
What's next?

You are obviously not happy with the way things are in this relationship! Have you tried putting your foot down? That is, tell him that the texts and the IM-ing has to stop or you're out, cause you feel seriously disrespected!

If he doesn't change and you can't accept the way things are, then you need to move on.