I have been 'friends' with a guy for over a year now. He asked me out about 10 months ago, but the idea of getting close to someone was something I really found daunting at the time and I said no. I had changed my mind a couple of days later, but he told me that he thought that my original answer was best, and that we should stay friends. And we did for a few months, but then I realised that I wanted more, and everyone thought that we were a couple. We spent most evenings together, and worked together so spent the days together as well. I asked him out again and he came up with some silly reasons we couldn't. Shortly afterward we started fooling around, and that was okay, but then I got ideas that we should be together again and he still didn't want to so we decided to stop that. But he still hugged me and gave me little kisses on the cheek and neck, telling me that I meant the world to him and he loved me. I had to leave where we worked but not before a new member of the friendship group told me that she liked him and that they had been emailing lots. I asked him if he was interested in her, he said 'only in the sense of having easy, meaningless sex'. He has told me that whilst he thinks that I am perfect for him, there is something missing, that he wants to go out there and have lots of 'experiences' and thinks he would resent settling down with me. But the idea of him with this girl kills me inside, I cannot sleep or eat. Add to that the fact that every time he goes out with the 'group' I hate it. I hate the fact that he might like them more then the old group, and might fall for this girl, even though I know deep deep down that he won't, the slight chance that he might really hurts and consumes me.

What do I do? How do I handle this?

Please help, any advice would be greatly appreciated!

There are two things at works here. First of all, this guy isn't as serious about you as you think. If he can fall for another girl so easily and telling you explicitely that he wants to go out an experience with other girls, it means he's not ready to commit to anyone.

Secondly, you completely confused him with your insecurities. If you knew what you wanted when he tells you how you feel, instead of changing your mind a few days later, then he wouldn't have to guess what your feelings are. Your allowed to be confused about what you want, but it makes him really insecure being around you. Cause in his mind, he has no idea when you're going to change your mind again.

Sounds like he's ready to move on with other girls, otherwise he wouldn't risk getting close to another girl and even telling you about it too. I suggest you forget him, avoid contact if necessary to get over him. Here are the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

It's going to be extra tough if he's your co-worker (if I read correctly). However, if you keep talking to him while he talks to other girls, it will just prolong your pain and suffering.

Moreover, in the future, make sure you know what you want before you get so close to someone. Otherwise you're just leading them on and the worst part is, YOU end up being the one who gets hurt.

Experiments here is code word for fooling around. You didn't want him so he wanted you. Now he doesn't want you, you don't want him. That's pretty much how crushes form.

A couple of days later to change his mind about wanting to date you shows zero dedication. Doesn't sound like a keeper.

Be clear with him that you want a solid relationship now, and if he doesn't want that, you can't talk to him anymore. At all. It sounds like you've really fallen for him, and he doesn't really care. Find a guy that will treat you right and only want you.

Please eat, and drink chamomile tea to help you get to sleep. No guy is worth tummy growling or sleep deprivation.

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Originally Posted by sweetashoney

'only in the sense of having easy, meaningless sex'.

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This to me is your answer. He is telling you he basically just wants to sleep with you. I know he made this comment about another girl, but you also had sex with him with out a relationship. He tells you there is something missing so he can't settle with you. Personally I think he is using your feelings for that "easy sex" he is getting with the others. If I were you I would cut that off and use it as your way to get over him. If he isn't getting it he may not want to waste his time with you. He just sounds like a player and that type of guy.

We never slept together. He didn't think that I could handle that type of 'casual' relationship, and we have stopped doing it for the past few months.

At the moment I am just pushing him into her arms, I keep 'freaking out' and going to him for help. He told me that my 'freaking out' is making him desperately unhappy, and that he no longer wants to pick up my calls because I make him feel bad at how upset I am.

I still want to be able to be friends with him though... how do I do that?