Supposed to get married in a month, had a HUGE fight w/fiance, he left and we haven't spoken since(almost 24 hrs). What started the argument was not that big a deal, but how he (or we) is (are) handling it is of major concern to me. He has not called me to discuss this issue. I refuse to call him because the last couple of disagreements, I have stepped up, whether it was my fault or not, and made the call to work things out. Previously, I did discuss with him that I was tired of always being the one to initiate the make up. He said that he understood and would try to do better in the future. He also adds that the times I have called to make up, he was just about to call me. This time I refuse to do it. I know we both said some things we shouldn't have, but I think it's time for him to step up. How long should I wait before I cancel or postpone this wedding? I can't marry a man who is showing me that he can never make the first move to reconcile. I don't want to be the one always doing it for the rest of our lives.

Also, what do u think of the fact that he still has 2 boxes of his ex-wife's belongings? We've been talking about that issue for about a year now. He says his ex doesn't have the money to have the boxes shipped to her (another state). I suggested he give her a deadline or offer to pay for it from the last payment of alimony he owes her. He said he would take care of it and a year later the boxes are still there in his house. I've let it go because I figured he would have to do something w/the boxes once we were married because he certainly wasn't going to be able to move them in with us (our house).

Any advice, suggestions??

As for the boxes, well, his ex needs an ultimatum, either she gets them or they go to the nearest Salvation Army outlet. With time limit on it, like two weeks.

Tick

Wow... from your story there are some serious red flags in your relationship.

First and foremost… constructive communication. My God… if you two can't talk about and work through issues how do you expect a marriage to last? As I see it you're already a divorce statistic. This isn't just you or him… it's both of you. He can't run, hide, and pout every time he doesn't get his way. Even though I agree you shouldn't always need to initiate reconciliation you need to get rid of the pride/ego attitude.

Second, his ex-wife's things. He writes a letter saying she has 30 days to make arrangements to retrieve her things or you (he) will dispose of them accordingly. This is mailed to her with Received Receipt Request via the post office. Done.

It is a more than valid reason to cancel the engagement if you feel that your fiancé is still hung over his ex.

I don't think it costs that much to ship boxes of emotional baggage considering how much lighter you'll feel after they're gone. Maybe he doesn't want to deal with his ex so he left them there for a year. If I were in your position, I would ship them, today. Or complain to a male friend about it.

I'm thinking he hasn't contacted you because he's having second thoughts about marriage. Stereotypically guys seem like they're afraid of commitment.

Depends how many arguments you two have had. If they're over little things, and they get blown out of proportion then perhaps it is time for a change.

Maximum, I say wait a week. A day isn't that bad, sometimes guys take a while to cool off. If he takes more than a week, then cancel the engagement and go back to casually dating him. And if he does take a week, ship the boxes yourself or salvation army. It really depends on your tolerance and how long you want to wait.

Maybe you both need time to cool off, get over yourselves, and work together. It is all about communications. If you can't, why even think your getting married?

Too many red flags here for me-you don't communicate about your real needs plus he s still got his exes stuff in boxes?the latter to me says he on some level hasn't let go of that relationship.

You definitely have many issues to sort out before you can consider a marriage. Until you've sorted out those issues, marriage should definitely be on hold.

As for your issues. Much of it stems from a poor communication system. So the first thing you need to work on his strengthening the way you communicate with one another. You need to approach this in a calm and respectable manner. Both of you should take turns explaining your issues. Then once the issues are laid out, you can tackle them one by one.

As you tackle them, look for improvements, compromises, common grounds, etc. If you feel that you don't have much progress, then consider a third part to assist you, such as a counsellor. If you feel that there is insufficient progress being made, then maybe it's time to call it quits. Relationships do take hard work, but it is difficult to force a relationship that is bound to fail regardless of all the effort put in.

How can you afford a wedding if you can't afford to ship a couple boxes?

There's other stuff going on here.

Get counseling BEFORE you get married, or you may as well doom the relationship to failure.