Hi, I've been with this guy for 10 yrs and have 2 lovely kids, about 8 months ago I found text/pics from gay men,asking how he was and when they are meeting. I was devastated it felt like my life with this guy was a lie,when confronted with the evidence he said it was only abit of fun and meant nothing.for the kids sake I forgave him and tried to forget it.
Recently I used his phone and to my horror there was texts/pics from more gay men,
The thing that upset me the most was that he was replying and sending pics of himself back. Saying that he was at home bored with his girlfriend and rather be with him,while having sex with me he was thinking of him, pics included himself pleasuring himself.
I love this guy and wound never betray him in this way,why the hell would he do this to me
And risk loseing me and the kids, He doesn't know YET that I found these texts.

I can't just walk away after 10 yrs and with 2 kids as well
Don't know what to do
Thoughts anyone, PLEASE

I'm very sorry for your situation-how tough for you.it appears your partner is unsure of his sexuality and what he is doing is cheating on you-at least in my book.you can't ignore this so you must talk to him about it.also you must make the wellbeing of your children your priority even if it means leaving their father.

I'm surprised that he didn't get angry that you went through his phone. Furthermore, those pics aren't blocked, so it's easy access for you. After he gets caught the first time, he brushes it off and he keeps going. Am I missing something important?

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Originally Posted by rochelle1

I love this guy and wound never betray him in this way,why the hell would he do this to me and risk loseing me and the kids, He doesnt know YET that i found these texts.

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That's exactly what's going on. He obviously doesn't mind taking the risk of losing you. If he's unsure of his feelings for you, you better find out. You better sit him down and really dig it out of him. Because this is going to keep bothering you, so you better sort it out with him.

If you can't figure it out just the two of you, then I suggest some counselling to have a neutral party helping you out.

How would you feel if it was women he was corresponding with? Then you should respond the same way. He is cheating all the same. I agree with the post about him not being sure of his sexual orientation. But it's not fair to you , or your children, for him to be carrying on like this.

What's the next step?

Has he already crossed the line physically?

I'm sure you are in a lot of pain right now. Bless you.

Your situation is a bad one, I'm sorry that you are going through this... but, there is light at the end of the tunnel!
First of all, God loves you and is there to help you through this.
Now, it sounds like your husband needs some help. Not you. You may have to be the change agent in your relationship. Force the change and make decissions based upon your and your kids best intrests.
Im in law enforcement and I can tell you that there are LOTS of men that we catch with other men in parks or wherever that have families at home.
Consider that he may have had at least one sexual encounter already? He may carry a disease home to you and your kids.
Protect yourself NOW.

Firstly, protect your body and use protection at all times. You are a mommy and you can't afford to catch a STI under any circumstances.

You need to talk to him about it and with that (if you are willing to get past it) present solutions like counseling and whatever else you find acceptable. Ask him how he feels about everything and if he can provide you with reasons for his actions. If it clearly appears that he wants to save the marriage and he will do anything to work with you on a solution, then it is your choice and you will need counseling for your issues too. Trust needs to be earned. If he doesn't mean it then he will commit these acts again then you know that it isn't going to change but your going to be hurt again and again.

I am sorry you have to go through this, not only is it just the texts, it's the pictures, the intent and other men. Maybe if it was another woman but it is entirely another issue if it is a man - well to me it is... a shock of a lifetime with someone to find out you really don't know this person you swore your life to. If he did it in the past and now is doing it again... it looks like he won't change.

Wow, I am so sorry. Keep praying at night you will get through this.

But keep in mind "children would rather have there parents not together anymore than live in a broken home" Dr.Phil <3

I realize you say that you can't walk away after 10 years but you have to. This marriage is a shame, and he obviously doesn't value you, his children, or himself to do this with apparently multiple people.