How do I handle my boyfriend's lack of desire for sex?
Okay, here's the deal... We've been together for just over 2 years now and have had our definite ups and downs. We have very differing views on how problems should be handled in most cases and whenever I try to discuss a problem, he glosses over it, blows it off, gets quiet, or says he doesn't want to talk about it. I can't get him to discuss any issue ever, which has made this particular situation all the more difficult.
A little more than a year ago, he went through this thing where we didn't have sex for almost 3 months. He wouldn't talk to me about it other than just to say, I don't know why but I'm just not interested or I'm just never in the mood. Then it just mysteriously went away one day. Well, it would seem as though that is happening again, but this time it is all intimacy. Although I'm frequently VERY sexually charged, he never has been. The most we've had sex is about 2-3 times per week, but on average it's only once per week.
It's been a month since we had sex and anytime I've tried to get him to cuddle or be close with me, he resists. If I cuddle up to him, he acts disinterested. I've also tried initiating sex but he's "not in the mood". We have been fighting about it because I've started to withdraw myself from him and the situation. I don't even try to be close to him anymore because I feel like he's rejecting me every time I try to be close to him and he acts uninterested. He feels like I'm ignoring him though.
I've asked why he doesn't ever want to kiss or cuddle and he said that it's because it always leads to sex and when he's not in the mood, I get pissed. (Which is true, I feel very put out and undesirable and like I've just been rejected) He says I need to get over feeling like he's rejecting me because he loves me and that's not what he's doing. I've tried to explain that even though that may not be what he intends, it is what it feels like. He feels like I'm constantly trying to initiate sex, which I can kind of understand... BUT when he's never in the mood and it never goes anywhere, it doesn't feel like it's a constant thing.
Neither of us know what to do. Finally the other night, I just said... we'll take sex off the table; you do your thing, I'll do my thing and if we happen to meet then that's fine. I'm not happy with the resolution, but he won't talk about it anymore. I don't know what else to do either. I don't know how to handle the lack of intimacy and I'm tired of taking care of my needs by myself. Help!!