I am posting this for my friend, she is in a difficult situation!

There is a guy at work with her, she is married too. This guy flirts with her all the time, winks and compliments, helps a lot. He is married. He complaints about marriage and says a guy at work who dates all the time and still single is having the ideal life. He said he needs to find his Mrs Right. Also he tells the girl that she should divorce her husband.

My friend has some special feeling for this guy, because he made her feel special, as her husband always thinks he is the only one who would marry her, and she is lucky to have him, and makes her think she is useless, she couldn't do anything without him. As soon as this guy started making her feel that she is special, she started fall for him,but feels so guilty about it, now she is very depressed , would anybody help? I really don't know what she should do, don't want to tell her she should leave the husband and don't really know what the other guy wants!

Before opening one door she should close the other.

If she doesn't want to be with her husband then get divorced.
If she wants to work it out then get some couple's counseling.

Cheating may seem like the easy way but there'll be hurt feelings, regrets, and it'll end up costing her.

Also, this guy just sounds like he's done the whole cheating thing before--- it sounds like a game to me.

There cannot be a relationship during this time-- unless each spouse suddenly decides that an open marriage would be okay.


In the end it is up to her whether she wants to leave her husband.

It is also NORMAL for her to feel the way she feels. If her husband makes her feel like crap and another guy comes along [sleazy or not] and tells her all these kind things of course she is going to FEEL something! She is being neglected and mistreated by her own husband.

However, making those feelings into a relationship would be WRONG of her. Just because some guy smiles and says things to you does not mean you have the right to go and be merry lovers. This is what that guy wants.

She should leave her husband OR go to couple's counseling.

Sarah

First of all, she should ignore the guy as much as possible, because he's obviously hitting on her, so unless she wants to divorce her husband, she shouldn't associate herself with him. It's not helping her marriage and it's giving the guy more hope and he will be more persistent.

Secondly, if she can fall for this guy so easily because she hasn't been getting enough attention from her husband, then she should be spending time working things out with her husband. She shouldn't be going off finding comfort from someone else. Especially not a guy who's into her. Tell her to focus on strengthening her marriage.

First, she needs to decide if she wants to stay in her marriage. It sounds like the guy may have at least opened her eyes up to the fact that she is more than what her husband (who is showing his own insecurities) is showing her. Marriage counseling may be a first step in making that decision.

Second, the office Romeo will probably move on once she starts showing that she has some self-esteem. That type usually is looking for the woman who "needs" his brand of charm. For most it is a game whether they realize it or not.

Third, her feelings for Romeo are based on a false view of the situation. She is looking at the cover of the book and thinking about all of the possibilities that could be inside. Just because there is a happy couple on the front and a great blurb on the back doesn't mean that War and Peace isn't inside.

Fourth, She shouldn't feel bad about having fantasies about a different way of life. As long as she doesn't act on them, she can use them for figuring out what she wants in a relationship.

The problem for the girl is that she got married too early and didn't really know what she really wants. I would not say the husband is a bad guy. He just does not appreciate her like the other guy does. He does not pay attention to his appearance, not romantic at all, forgets all the aniveraries, being with him is boring.

The other guy on the other hand is charming, succeful, well, his life is more interesting. She never asks about his wife and personal life or comments on any of it. She is already guilty enough feeling this way about this guy, doen't want to find out this guy is in an unhappy marriage and they might have some possibilites.

She told me today that she feels so empty in weekends and can't waite go back to work even just to see that guy or hear his voice. I think she might already in a dangerous edge, if the guy shows more interest, don't know what would happen next!

It doesn't matter if the marriage was arrange. If she got married at 40 or at 14.

Bottom line is that they are BOTH married and need to focus on that part of their lives first.

She needs to stop flirting back with that guy, because not only is she vulnerable but she'll probably end up falling into his trap. I bet that guy is experienced when it comes to cheating on his wife.

Sarah

The man who is flirting with your friend in their work place has no respect for already existing relationships. Should your friend be foolish enough to drop her husband for this man, trust me... he will find another woman to flirt with. This is just a game to him- he needs a conquest, and once your friend gives in, he'll drop her for another.

Get separated from your husband before you play with this other guy. If you want a divorce, say so. Right now you are lying to your husband, yourself, your coworkers, and even a bunch of strangers on the internet. Tell SOMEbody the truth.

All the comments so far have been so clear that this guy is a player, well, I guess he is then, marrige counselling would help first.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Catsmine

Get separated from your husband before you play with this other guy. If you want a divorce, say so. Right now you are lying to your husband, yourself, your coworkers, and even a bunch of strangers on the internet. Tell SOMEbody the truth.

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Weird comments, I am not lying

The guy is a shark, preying after easy prey... women who even hint of being unhappy with their husband or boyfriend. He's bad news. I've known the type and am even friends with the type, and the others are right... as soon as he gets what he wants or she stops giving him attention, he will move on to someone else. Not worth breaking up a home, happy or not.

Your friend would be better off trying to fix what is happening at home. She should start by having a heart to heart conversation with her husband... even so much as to tell him about the shark at work and how he makes her feel. Believe me, this will wake a guy up! If this doesn't help she should ask him if he's interested in counselling. But counselling will only work if both people are willing... good luck to your friend!