It all started when I went to the cycle meeting of our company! I met her there ! There were a lot of frequent and prolonged eye contact between us. The next day she was sitting beside me,and when I wasn't focusing on the lecture she gently knocked the desk in front of me by her pen,asking me with a wide smile to focus,she even asked me some unimportant questions just to talk with me! Those signs made me ask for her phone number ,she give it to me without hesitation... I called here after 3 days when I went back to my city since we live in different cities far away from each other... the 1st call was 40 minutes long... the calls came after were rising in duration... untill I was shocked by her telling me that she is engaged since 2 months ago! I was shocked! She told me that we could be good friends ,I said OK! We continued calling each other more frequently and prolonged than before,until she told me that things aren't good with her fiancy and there is a possibility of breaking up with him... I told her I don't want to be involved I'd rather stay out of this. We kept calling each other until one day she told me she broke up with her fiancy because he wanst understanding!! and she was OK with it,its where we start taking our relationship to the next level of romance and we became more than friends we even set our plans togather for the future,I went to her city to see her in private more than once and things were excellent for our relationship,she told me she can't say she loves me unless she really means it that's only a matter of time to know each other well,we kept calling each other almost daily for 3 months more,THEN it happens suddenly out of no where,SHE told me she was confused about our relationship and she needs time and space to clear her head mainly from her Ex fiancy so she could take a right decision about our relationship she told me there is no way in hell to return to her Ex fiancy, but she needs time to be less confused,she told me she wants to know whether her feelings for me are real or it's just a REBOUND relationship,I agreed to give her time and space to think more clearly provided by one condition that there is no contact at all unless she came up with clear decision,but I didn't put a time frame for that I left it open... now I need help, it has been 4 weeks now without contact ,what should I do now?and did I do wrong? Is she going to come back to me?should I put a dead line date for her to tell me the decision? And how should I tell her about that dead line date?is it a normal response for her? And thanks in advance

She sounds very indecisive about her relationships period. Think of it, she left her Fiancé because he wasn't 'understanding' to be with you. If I were you I wouldn't continue thinking of having a romantic relationship with her because her being 'confused' about the relationship is her being indecisive, and fickle. But that is just my take on it.

Actually she didn't left her fiancé,he did because of some of his family issue as she told me later...

What good will it do to call here up now and say
"oh yea by the way you have two more weeks to make a decision"
4 weeks is a long time my friend I would close this door and move on.Personally (and I'm not trying to be mean)I think when a woman does this she has found something in you she didn't like and is breaking up,if you read some of these post on here it happens over and over and its always the same"i need some space"if she really need some space that's a few days maybe a week not a month.
You can be proud of the way YOU handled it ,you went straight to a no-contact
Congrats! Your ahead of the game

Now its 28 days ago and still got no contact from her! I'm willing to continue the NO Contact rule and take it as far as I can go! Just one more thing I'd like to add! It's that at the beginning she mentioned to me that she will be ready for even commitment and engagement after one year cause she needs that time to completely recover from her ex fiancé,but untilthat day comes we could contact each other and see each other to know each one another well and enough to engage,I continue as she said,and then we came to the part where she asks me for time and space alone,as 1 year is very looooong time,I came up with a suggetion which says that I start the no contact for only 3 or 4 months and see how are things going ,she agreed actually she even welcomed the idea,but I only said that because I expected her to come to me after a couple of weeks ,but here we go at week 4... I hope these addition will change something to the scene as I wish her to come back to me cause we were perfectly matched,even she always kept saying that she never get bored talking to me,and she feels harmony with me... so help I don't know what to do! Should I wait or should I move on??

Since you have discussed these time frames and I'm a little confused on it just stick with what you are doing and use the time as wisely as you can,if it was me I would let it go a little longer than initiate contact and see how that conversation goes,staying away from the "are you seeing anyone ?""and consentrate on" how are YOU doing ?",and from that call I would make my decision you can tell her I can't wait a year,I'm lonely etc. and go from there

I'm confused as well, but given the circumstances, I'd give her a ring to see how she's going.

It sounds as if she's been in the driver's seat the whole time controlling what's happening in the relationship, so you may need to decide how long you're prepared to wait for her, if at all. If you ring her and she says that she wants a longer time, I'd let her know that you're not prepared to wait. A year IS a long time and, I think, totally unreasonable.

Sounds as if you've always done her bidding - try turning the tables. Decide what you want and stick to it.

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Originally Posted by zippit

since you have discussed these time frames and im a little confused on it just stick with what you are doing and use the time as wisely as you can,if it was me i would let it go a little longer than initiate contact and see how that conversation goes,staying away from the "are you seeing anyone ?""and consentrate on" how are YOU doing ?",and from that call I would make my decision you can tell her I can't wait a year,im lonely ect. and go from there

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I just want to know why exactly are you confused? If u don't mind explain that a lil' more for me, and u said a little longer time! Can u specify how much time do u mean by saying LITTLE LONGER? And thank you in advance...

Guys please tell me what do u think about my suggestion of 3 or 4 months of No Contact? I need advise on that suggestion was it right or wrong? Was it too much or little?

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Originally Posted by uffa

Guys please tell me what do u think about my suggestion of 3 or 4 months of No Contact? i need advise on that suggestion was it right or wrong? was it too much or little?

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You said "she agreed actually she even welcomed the idea." I say continue No Contact. I do not believe you will hear from her again. Get back into life and dating.

it has been 33 days now,today is "Eid Al Feter" which is the celebration for the end of RAMADAN =(the fasting month in Islam),she sent me a message 3 hours ago saying (happy eid to you), I didn't reply to her message and I'm not willing to reply! I'm still with the No Contact Rule... tell me should I reply to her message or not? And if she calls?should I answer or not?and if I ansered what should I say exactly? Helpme guys and thank u all in advance..

You should stick to the NO contact that's the best thing.Dont let her push your buttons.Dont allow the mindgames.Move on with your life and be happy with who you are.

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Originally Posted by amicon

You should stick to the NO contact thats the best thing.Dont let her push your buttons.Dont allow the mindgames.Move on with your life and be happy with who you are.

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So I shouldn't answer if she calls? Or what do you mean exactly? And please tell me what makes you think that I should move on with my life? Because I hadn't decide this yet... please be more clear and thanks for help!

For reasons we can only guess at she decided that she needed a long period out after her broken engagement.It is of course up to you whether you reply to her message but my opinion here is that had she wanted to start seeing you she would have said so by now.Meanwhile you re stuck waiting for something that may never happen.Thats why I suggested moving on.All the best to you.

Her reasons were directly said by her mouth,she needed this time to recover from her broken engagement and needs to clear her head to be more decissive! As she was confused about our relations because she jump from one to another relation so fast! What I'm saying is that she send a message means she is not willing to forget me and come over me,and I think she broke a barrier here and most likely if I don't reply to her message she will call! That's 75% will happen,like I said I won't reply to that message,I'll stick to no contact,BUT MY QUESTION IS "WHAT IF SHE CALLS ME" WHAT SHOULD I DO OR SAY THEN? That's IT! COULD ANY BODY HELP ME WITH AN ANSWER? AND THANKS IN ADVANCE

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BUT MY QUESTION IS "WHAT IF SHE CALLS ME" WHAT SHOULD I DO OR SAY THEN? That's IT! COULD ANY BODY HELP ME WITH AN ANSWER? AND THANKS IN ADVANCE

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You may not like this but its what I see. She started this with you, and used you to soften the blow of her failed relationship, and you went along with the program all the way. So now when she does need time and space, you can't handle it. By the way just to clarify, NC is for healing, not for waiting for someone. Now your boxed into your own emotional corner because you think after a month or two she should be over her ex, and ready for what you want. What if it takes a year?

My point is if your going to use NC, do it right because building a life that you enjoy, is the key ingredient for using NC properly.

So do it right, or not at all. Either stick to your guns, or keep letting her call the shots and you just go along with her program.

Just me, I would have never fallen for such an obvious come on in the first place.

Talaniman Rule #1- Never ever get involved with a committed person, ever never!!!!!!

Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

Talaniman Rule- Never wait when you get dumped. Get your own life and let them get theirs.

My advice at this point, is return her holiday greeting in an impersonal way, (as she did you) and move beyond waiting for someone who is not ready for what you want, and get a life that you enjoy, without her.


If you want to heal, use NC to get over her, not play some waiting game because as your seeing, you have done no healing, and really, thats what you need more than some confused female, your powerless to resist.

Until you get perspective from the healing process, you will always be confused and don't know what to do.

Point in case, in the only independent move you have made, YOU told her you wanted NO CONTACT, until she had made a decision. Your solution is simple. Do what you say and say what you do, so stick to your own guns and stop being lead, especially after a month already.

I don't think you are seeing this in the right way.
Here what happens:
1. She sent you hints so that you can take her number
2. You call often and she tells you after some time she is with her fiancé
3. She then breaks up with her fiancé and is not sure about what she wants

Your first mistake was to go with her initially, and continue the conversation after she told you she was with her fiancé. She gave you hints so that you get her phone number WHILE she was in a relationship. If you were together why wouldn't she be doing the same?

It's not precise at all that she wants to be with you. Most probably she is keeping you as an option to see if there is something better out there. You are feeling vulnerable because of this. This relationship has ended and you need to move on. The more you dwell on her, the more time you will lose time to find someone who you truly deserve.

All right guys here are 3 things that you don't know about this relationship,they r:
1- before this girl says to me she needs time to clear her head,I was kind of ignoring her for e.g when she calls I usually don't answer even if she calls me several times and even if she send me sms asking why I don't answer her calls ,I might call her after 2 days after that,that happened for several weekends not only once ,plus I might say to her I will call her the next day and I never do making here waiting for my call... until one day we were talking on the phone she told me she is free tomorrow and she will wait for my call I told her I will call... but I didn't... the worse is that I didn't call her at all until after 11 days I called her when she told me she needs a space..
2 - recently she was diagnosed with Hepatits B virus ,she told me about it and she cried a lot that day... we had a medical counselling.. which says that she can live with HBV ,get married and even have kids normally provided by special care and management... I told her I can live with that... but she wasn't that pleased she even told me once that she doesn't want to harm me and cause me troubles.
3 - recently her sister was divorced she was sad about her sisters fate as she is very close to that sister,and told me that her sister was doing the best she could to avoid this b-cus she had a child.

Sorry I missed these informations,but please analyse with me ladies and gentlemen,in fact you will be better than me in this as you can see an outside view... thank u.

Uffa, I had a similar experience. The main difference is that I was one who was engaged but wasn't sure that I wanted to be. Here's the story .

I had been given an ultimatum by my girl friend of 5 years, to make a serious commitment or leave. OK I said to myself, I've been with her 5 years , I like everything about her, she cooks great and looks great, I don't want anyone else to have her.. . Well, I guess I DO love her. We got engaged.
10 days before our wedding day I left the relationship.

I had come in contact with a woman due to a work situation, like you. I found that I became VERY attracted to her TOO quickly and couldn't get her off my mind. ( I had a choice to make; marriage or this new and exciting woman or women. I didn't know anything about her ).
We spent one evening together. I never saw her again

After looking back, even now, years later, this is what I know. The fact that I had entered into a commitment that I had not initiated on my own, I was carrying a lot of anxiety inside of me. The woman that I met through work (who lived 75 miles away) was really more appealing too me at this time than she would have been during my normal bachelor lifestyle. This woman was the catylist that helped me to make the break from the engagement.

Let me wrap this up for you :
I'm seeing you, as the woman that I met while I was in the forced engagement who acted as the catylist for me to leave.
I'm seeing the woman that you met, as me in a commitment that I didn't want to be in, who needed a catalist to leave HER engagement.

In short , I think she ( your girl ) may have just needed a catylist to help her to leave her upcoming marriage. You were the catylist. I also believe that you made the perfect decision to not call her. I hope you can find someone else who holds your attention really soon.
Before you need to talk to her just " one" more time.. .

Thank you rewes for sharing,I even got to look to this with more logical rather than emotional view thank to the NC off course.

I just want you guys to think with me about other possibility.

"What Else could it be to make my girl acting this way rather than her spoken reason which says she needs time to recovery from her ex relation?"
Come on guys I need a list of your suggestions...
It could be very helpful.