Ask Me Help Desk - About a girl I'm seeing

I've read a bit before posting, and I know the past is the past. But this old friend I recontacted, I have become very sexually active with (safe of course, and we both have tested before). We're both 21 and a couple days ago she wanted to ask me a question... "So how many girls have you been with?". I can count considering Im only 21 so I honestly replied with "6 including you." And me saying its only fair she answers too... she replies with, "more then you can count on your fingers..."

It doesn't bother me to the point that I'm paranoid but it raises the question in my head, is that normal? Or does that come off a bit slutty? More then 10 guys and she's 21?

Give more your opinion please I'm all ears... err eyes.

I refuse to pass judgment on her.

If YOU think it's slutty, then don't date her/sleep with her.

Who CARES? I freaking HATE that question. It's no one's business, and you've both been checked for STDs, so what does it matter?

PS--my husband of 8 years, who I have been with for 13 years got that SAME answer when I was 21. He STILL doesn't know an exact number--because it doesn't matter.

Okay lets add a little spice to my post. The other night we were starting to foreplay kiss/touch etc. she stopped me about 20 seconds in and said, "im sorry i just wanna have sex" struck me as odd since I'm not use to just "having sex" I asked her about it later and all she could say was "sorry sometimes i just like to be f@$#%d"

Troy, if you have a problem with her background then find someone else.

If you can't handle a quickie every now and then find someone else.

I think you need to grow up and learn that sex can be lots of things. Slow and romantic or hard and fast. Playful or soulful. It doesn't have to be one position and tempo. Even symphonies have movements and variations.

Instead of spending time on here trying to play "why I should break up with my girlfriend" games, why don't you try getting to know her for who she is and not try to make her what you want her to be. Guaranteed that there are probably things about you she could want to change.

Whoa now... Now need to blow up on me.. I came here for advice not to be frowned upon.

I don't have a problem with her at all. Please be a little more light hearted and insightful to my question rather then just asuming since a girl doesn't want to have sex the way I do that she's a slut or I need to grow up...

And she's not my girlfriend Cat1864, I said a girl I've been seeing. And yes I'm 21 and am still somewhat NEW to the whole sex scene and just wanted to know if it looks like I'm pawn in her game of sex chess. I mean honestly... being 21 and have had slept with 10+ guys then ditching the foreplay off the bat and getting right to the sex? Ive never had that happen before... Am I being used? Im starting to develop feelings for this woman but when it comes to the bedroom there's no romance involved... is that normal? Do some girls like only to "just be _____"?

Like I said, Im a confused young adult looking for advice...

Im not asking you to judge anyone but please put yourself in my shoes and try to make some sense of it.

Cat your analogy of sex and symphonies is moving, but is this a girl I should be pursuing or stay away from?

If you have an issue with it, then you should probably re-consider your relationship with her. It seems to me like you're already havingissues with it. I don't think they're just going to go away, usually things like this keep at you unless you know how to let it go. I'm not saying you should break up with her necessarily, but you should really consider all of the possible implications for your relationship, should this continue to eat at you.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

You need to talk to her about BOTH of your expectations in the bedroom.

That being said--if you're not in a relationship, but just seeing each other--why bother with romance in the bedroom?

My advice is work on figuring out whether you want to have a relationship with her OUTSIDE of the bedroom, and keep your pants on until you figure that out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by troy70

Whoa now... Now need to blow up on me.. I came here for advice not to be frowned upon... like I said, Im a confused young adult looking for advice...

Wording is everything. It makes communication so much easier.

You asked for opinions-not advice.

Quote:

Give more your opinion please I'm all ears... err eyes

Opinions are usually asked for when the poster wants someone to agree with their point of view. In this case an example would be: the girl I am seeing had sex with ten guys. I think that is an improper way to conduct oneself. What is your opinion?

Advice is geared more toward specific needs. Such as: Should I be worried about getting into a relationship with a woman who has had multiple partners and has different ideas about sex than I do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by troy70

but is this a girl I should be pursuing or stay away from?

That is something that you have to decide for yourself. You say that she isn't a girlfriend. So what is she? What does she think she is?

Even in casual relationships communication is important. As I said earlier, talk with her, get to know her, and so forth. Find out what she wants out of the relationship (and yes there is one.) She may just be looking for a good time. The thing is that she doesn't sound like she is stringing you along. The way you have it worded, you are the one who is changing the rules of the relationship.

IF she agrees to a more formal boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, can you accept that she has a more experienced past than you do? Are you open and willing to learn more about making love and sex from her? If not, do yourself and her a favor and back out now before someone definitely gets hurt.

If she is genuinely 'someone you are just seeing' then why the concern about her past or the fact that occasionally she just wants to have a quickie?

Why the meta analysis on yourself, her past, her motives? If you are really concerned - talk to her about it - but, she's someone you're 'just seeing isn't she'?

I would suggest that you would benefit from being clearer about your own motives and your feelings towards her.

In the meantime, can't you just enjoy it? Read some on the posts on this Forum. Many guys would kill for a woman that is experienced, knows what she wants and asks for a quickie!

PS. Please don't use the word 'slutty' for a woman that is sexually experienced - it says more about you than it does about her.

If she is just a girl you are 'seeing' What does it matter! You aren't dating her! If you can't accept her past, you won't be able to accept her, and therefore you should probably start 'seeing' somebody else, possibly someone who can still count how many partners they have had on their fingers because it seems like you are insecure about how many guys your girl has been seeing, and uncomfortable with new sex ideas (as in quickies). I know I'm being tough on you, but its what I honestly think

I would suggest avoiding the "count" talk in the future your going to find young man that one day you don't ask a woman that question,have you not heard "dont ask a question that your not ready to hear the answer to" instead get to know a girl and base your feeling for her on what you have shared,how honest and open she is and move from there.

Your sleeping with her so she might find no reason to follow what I would see as "relationship" guide lines... If you want something more then communicate that to her but as of now there is no relationship, nothing but sex so there shouldn't be too much to look into.