Ask Me Help Desk - My first break up (or is it)?

Hi

I have never been in a real relationship before this one, so therefore have never experienced what I am going through atm.

I met this girl over 3 years ago and we became very close friends. We knew absoloutly everything about each other... however as from 6months ago we became a lot closer. I knew that she had had a previous relationship of 6 years and she hated the fact how dependent she had become on him, so she promised herself it would never happen again.she is very headstrong and independent now. She referred to us as the whole 'friends with benefits' crap.

We got closer and closer... she told me she was starting to get strong feelings towards me, however its important that the friendship remains the most important thing, which it always did. She also basically set a date (6months) down the line to when things would have to cool off... due to work commitments getting tougher (which I know are true because I'm in the same line of work) and basically that were both too young to be committed to each other for the rest of our lives. But this set date felt like a lifetime away at this point.

We got closer and closer... even though she still had the set date, she started telling me maybe in a year or two, when the course/work gets easier once again, she could see herself back with me... and we would probably have the odd fling during the cool down period anyway... We have the same group of friends... she didn't want them knowing what was going on, however 2months into it she decided to tell them, which I thought was a positive thing...

Closer and closer... 1 month till the deadline. We go on holiday travelling for 6 weeks. Went very well. Few tiny arguments which I think is acceptable. Towards the end of the holiday I actually might of made the mistake of telling her that I think I'm in love with her. She took it well, didn't say it back but said... 'you don't need me to tell you how I think about you'...

So there my love life story... were at the 6month deadline as we speak. And things have gone as expected... I thought I would take it OK and that because were close friends things wouldn't change. However, every time were out she's flirting and dancing with other men, not shy in hiding it either. She's told me to go and pull other woman but I really don't have any interest in doing so. I've told her how I feel and ended up getting upset... she told me she loves me and will do until she tells me otherwise.things just feel weid between us, even when were acting as friends in our circle... I just don't know how to handle this situation or know exactly how it is I should be acting.

I've never written one of these before, and just thought I would do so to get it off my chest...

Now that you have reached the 6 month point,she has kept her word.

She is out,enjoying her life and as far as she is concerned your fling is over,I know that's hard to shallow.

I suggest you do not contact her,you do not become her booty call,you do not become her shoulder to cry on.

She has her much wanted freedom and has you on a hook if she gets lonely..

Nothing only 'i want you' 'i want a relationship with you; 'i love you' ae the only words you should be perpared to listen too from her.

She has made her choice,and seems quite happy with it.

You can't make someone want you.

do not except the crumbs from her table, if she calls you,your busy now getting on with your own life.

She's using you and has basically told you so. You're nothing but a fling to her even though she likes/loves you. She knows she can have you whenever she wants so she sees you as an accessory, not a man.

My advice would be to just drop out of her life. Don't give her an explanation because this will make you look weak. Whenever she calls or wants to hang out just make up an excuse not to or don't reply to her. Get on with your life and don't EVER get hung up on one woman. You need to be stronger than her. You're a man, so prove it.

More relationship experience is a must. I'm sure everyone else will back me up on this.

I can see both of viewpoints, however with us both having the same circle of friends... how do I keep my fairshare without being too involved with her. I can see how I've been used and that it shouldn't be the tail waggling the dog but would it be a bad idea to still keep friendship as an option...

As it stands, she has ALL of the power in your relationship (or whatever you guys call it). You can shift the balance by not complying to her wishes and needs. Think about yourself. Without your pride you're nothing. Respect yourself and don't take her crumbs. She's going to use you until another man comes around.

If there is one thing I know about women, it's that when they say they aren't looking for a relationship it's bull (8 times out of 10). Unless she's a doctor or a lawyer or something like that, she's probably not that busy with work. She's just waiting for someone better to come along. Until then, you'll do.

This is a huge life lesson. Beware of getting into any relationship where the other person sets a deadline for it to end. She learned a hard lesson from the previous relationship and unfortunately for both you she has gone too far in the other direction.

I agree that you should not stay a play toy for this girl. It won't be easy, but you can move on with your life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by itried

As it stands, she has ALL of the power in your relationship (or whatever you guys call it). You can shift the balance by not complying to her wishes and needs. Think about yourself. Without your pride you're nothing. Respect yourself and don't take her crumbs. She's going to use you until another man comes around.

If there is one thing I know about women, it's that when they say they aren't looking for a relationship it's bull (8 times out of 10). Unless she's a doctor or a lawyer or something like that, she's probably not that busy with work. She's just waiting for someone better to come along. Until then, you'll do.

You took the words out of my mouth.

To the op.

Avoid her when you can,ignore her calls and do not engage in conversation with her... your a single man,your young,footloose and fancy free!

And you can do better then this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

This is a huge life lesson. Beware of getting into any relationship where the other person sets a deadline for it to end. She learned a hard lesson from the previous relationship and unfortunately for both you she has gone too far in the other direction.

I agree that you should not stay a play toy for this girl. It won't be easy, but you can move on with your life.

Had to spread the rep cat.

You are paying the price for her last breakup,until she deals with that,the next guy in her life will pay his share too...

You don't owe this debt.