So I'm 22 and have always been interested in guys until 6months ago. I met a girl in work who is a year younger than me and is an open lesbian. At first we were just friends and then I got told that she fancied me. As time went by I started to develop feelings for her but didn't tell anyone. We would openly flirt but everyone just thought it was banter, as did she. I struggled with my feelings for a while, I didn't fancy any other girls and still don't, it was just her. One night out I told her that I liked her, she was pretty shocked as she knew I was straight. What I didn't realsie is that in the time I was falling for her she had got a girlfriend. I was gutted. We started to openly tell each other how we felt and one day we kissed. I did feel guilty but I could help how I felt. Its been a few months now and things have gone further. She is still with her girlfriend but tells me how much she likes me. I really want to be with her but she thinks I am a risk and her girlfriend is a safe option. I can understand why she feels like that as I've said I wouldn't tell my parents as I don't think they would aprove and that as I'm usually interested in guys that id find a man and leave her. Still finding it hard to admit sometimes, and she doesn't know but I'm so in love with her. Recently she has distanced herself from me as she doesn't want to fall to deep but its recking me. I can understand why she is doing it though, she doesn't want to finish with her girlfriend who is a open lesbian for a straight girl which could turn out to be a risk, she doesn't want to regret her descion. But isn't it a waste throwing these feelings away? Shouldn't we just take that risk and have an amazing time together?

If you wish to have sexual relations wth her, then you are not just "straight"

If you have no sexual desires, then yes you are just want to be good friends and have issues confused

The real "rsik" here is not having feelings for another woman, the "risk" is being in any sort of relationship with a cheater. Yes, if you two have kissed and other such things while she is in a relationship then that makes her a cheater.

You may not be able to help feelings but you can control your actions.

Set aside your feelings for now and really think on it. How secure would you be putting yourself out there for a relationship that already makes you question yourself to be with someone who can and will cheat.

I am not opposing you being in a same sex relationship to make things clear. I feel that if that is what you desire then that's wonderful but you can easily find another woman that will be faithful to you.

In the end relationships that start with an affair usually don't end very well.

Why should she take a chance on your emerging sexuality, not being lust, which will fade in time, and where would she be, having to work with you everyday?

I think she is being smart, and protecting herself, and you would be wise to cope with your feelings a lot better, as its not about the sexuality, but about she is already in a relationship, and doesn't want to take the risks that you do.

Back off the romance idea with someone who doesn't feel as strongly as you do. Intense feelings don't mean the risk is worth it, so respect her position.

Again, she doesn't want to cheat on her partner, and workplace relationships, when they don't work out, are hell to pay later, and make work a hard place to be, as your finding out now.

Great answer, Talaniman.

Obviously the girl has feelings for you, Matter, but feels uncomfortable cheating on her partner, whom she has already invested emotionally and otherwise in.

And it's true - the workplace is not a place for you to be discovered to be having an affair and then with the same sex, unless you're prepared to come out as bi, which is what I think you may be. What would the results of that be, especially if you do not want that information to be out?