My husband has become friends with a girl from work, who is about 12 years younger than him. She is in her twenties. As far as I know, they don't talk all that often, but when she does text him I find it to be completely inappropriate. She shares WAY too much personal information with him! I had told him that I was uncomfortable with the situation, and life went on as normal. Then the other day, a mutual friend of ours was over and my husband told him, yeah, I had to delete her contact info because my wife had a problem with it. It caused an argument and now things have been stressed. He seems angry that he deleted her, I never asked him to though. Our friend does not know this girl he works with so it seems odd that he would bring it up. He has started not telling me when he is working with her until after the fact and only by accident it seems. Its stressing me out!
I don't believe that he would cheat on me, but there is something about this girl that I don't trust. Not sure if its because I haven't met her or if its because I feel that they chat too often about personal things. I am not a jealous person by nature. Am I just being Paranoid?

I think the way you are thinking is quite normal.

But don't stress. He hadn't did anything wrong yet. So trust him. If you will fight with him or there will be any misunderstanding, he will get an excuse to slip over. He is already annoyed by deleting her contact no.

As well as he is not telling you when he work with her.

So don't give him a chance.

Be normal, happy and make him to relieve his stress.

It is human tendency to search for other source for finding happiness. So don't give him chance to look somewhere else.

Totally agree... give him the benefit of the doubt. Have you tried sending him some texts of your own to spice things up? Might get him thinking about you...

I would also question if my husband was exchanging texts with a girl that he worked with if I hadn't met her. It could be completely harmless though. He deleted her contact info after you talked to him about it making you uncomfortable. I wouldn't worry too much now. You might even ask him if the 3 of you could get together for dinner or something and see how he responds.

It's not about the girl, it's about you and your husband. How much do you trust your husband? If you trust him, then you don't have to worry about the other girl, because you know that your husband will act accordingly and appropriately.
The problem I see is that you don't completely trust your husband. He already deleted her even without you requesting it. He's avoided bringing her up so that it doesn't upset you. On the surface, it looks like he really respects your feelings. However, the question is, do you think he's hiding things from you? Do you feel like you can't trust him?

Meeting her is a possibility, but it could also upset you more and it would also show that you are very suspicious of your husband. That can open a whole new can of worms.

Bottom line, do you trust him?

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Originally Posted by papergirl

My husband has become friends with a girl from work, who is about 12 years younger than him. She is in her twenties. As far as I know, they don't talk all that often, but when she does text him I find it to be completely inappropriate. She shares WAY too much personal information with him! I had told him that I was uncomfortable with the situation, and life went on as normal. Then the other day, a mutual friend of ours was over and my husband told him, yeah, I had to delete her contact info because my wife had a problem with it. It caused an argument and now things have been stressed. He seems angry that he deleted her, I never asked him to though. Our friend does not know this girl he works with so it seems odd that he would bring it up. He has started not telling me when he is working with her until after the fact and only by accident it seems. Its stressing me out!!
I don't believe that he would cheat on me, but there is something about this girl that I don't trust. Not sure if its because I haven't met her or if its because I feel that they chat too often about personal things. I am not a jealous person by nature. Am I just being Paranoid?

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Something I have noticed over the past 30 years is that as women are more common in work place so are opposite sex friendships. Close friendship isn't limited to male/male or female/female anymore. Age doesn't play as much of a factor as it once did either.

Some people (male or female) are more comfortable with sharing personal details. In this age of Facebook and Myspace, it is becoming even more common. That doesn't mean you have to be comfortable with what your husband might be sharing and it sounds like you got your point across.

The conversation with the friend: were you there for the entire conversation and paying attention or did you walk in on it or over-hear parts of it?

IF he is angry could it be because you are making it clear that you don't trust him? Or at least that seems to be the message that you are sending him.

Why should he tell you when he is working with her or worked with her? It sounds like he is trying to respect boundaries that you set down and keep peace in his marriage.

I don't think she is one you don't trust. At least, not the only one. If it were just her, you wouldn't be stressing yourself out so much.

Communicate with your husband. Talk with your husband. Sit down and have a calm discussion. Don't just tell him how you feel and what you think. Listen to what he thinks and feels. Work together to come to a compromise on what the boundaries should be.

I am curious how you managed, or why you decided to go through his cell phone and check his texts. That is a dishonest thing to do. Did you have reason to do this, or you just suspicious by nature.

I agree that it is innapropriate for this female, who is an adult, to text a married man. Or even to cross that professional boundary at work and become so friendly that they know the intimacies of eachothers lives.

Without knowing your husbands involvement, and how or if or what he replied to her via text, who knows how far he went, or how much he shared.

This is a dangerous precedent that they have established a relationship at all.

I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty in putting your foot down. Obvously you have, and he has stopped the texting.

So, I have to ask you, what's the problem now, and why are you so stressed out. You can't stop him from working with her, and he should expect that you will trust him, and let this issue go.

I would have to say that the reason it stresses me out is because I thought this over and we had moved on. The out of the blue it came up again and yes I did hear the entire coinversation with the friend.we got into an argument over it! If he claims she is not that great of a friend or that he doesn't talk to her much then why is this even an issue.
Maybe I don't completely trust him. I don't know, but I do think at the end of the day he loves me and wouldn't hurt me on purpose. Many years ago there was an incident where he was drunk (by no means am I excusing his actions) and he carried on some activity in a chat room and pictures were sent between him and some random person. I know some don't think that cyber anything is real but I do. It hurt and I felt that he never thought it was a big deal.
But as crazy as this sounds we do have a good relationship. We do spice things up regularly, very much so. I just feel like this has caused a rift and can't stand it!
Guess I just need to let this go, but I still think a 20 something single girl has no business texting a married guy stuff non work related and way too personal. (And the reason I saw the messages to begin with is we have the same phone and I picked it up by mistake!)

You can worry about the other girl's actions. The only thing that should concern you as how your husband responds to this girl.

I hope it's just a few incidents, but you seem to have a knack for sneaking around and hearing your husband's conversation and reading his text messages. That sounds like a hung insecurity issue. He doesn't have much space in ths relationship and you're coming off as needy.

It's time for you to look within yourself to see how comfortable you are in this relationship. How much do you really trust your husband? If you feel like are some issues to iron out, then bring them up with your husband. But you have to stop worrying about how other people treat your husband. You can't be there 24/7 questioning who he talks to and how he talks to them.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Something I have noticed over the past 30 years is that as women are more common in work place so are opposite sex friendships. Close friendship isn't limited to male/male or female/female anymore. Age doesn't play as much of a factor as it once did either.

Some people (male or female) are more comfortable with sharing personal details. In this age of Facebook and Myspace, it is becoming even more common. That doesn't mean you have to be comfortable with what your husband might be sharing and it sounds like you got your point across.

The conversation with the friend: were you there for the entire conversation and paying attention or did you walk in on it or over-hear parts of it?

IF he is angry could it be because you are making it clear that you don't trust him? Or at least that seems to be the message that you are sending him.

Why should he tell you when he is working with her or worked with her? It sounds like he is trying to respect boundaries that you set down and keep peace in his marriage.

I don't think she is one you don't trust. At least, not the only one. If it were just her, you wouldn't be stressing yourself out so much.

Communicate with your husband. Talk with your husband. Sit down and have a calm discussion. Don't just tell him how you feel and what you think. Listen to what he thinks and feels. Work together to come to a compromise on what the boundaries should be.

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A sensible and fair exchange about what each is feeling is a great idea Cat...

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Originally Posted by papergirl

I would have to say that the reason it stresses me out is because I thought this over and we had moved on.

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That's why you both need to sit down and set the boundaries together. That way you both know where the lines are.

Be honest about your fears. Be honest about not being completely over the past incident with the cybering. Listen to what he has to say. Listen to his fears and concerns.

Spice in the bedroom is no substitute for conversation on the couch. A strong relationship needs both.

I think that there are a number of things going on here.

Clearly your husband was annoyed because you saw the texts and called him on it. Now he probably feels you don't trust him about something that was probably reasonably innocent.
This has created a sort of ricochet effect where you've picked up on his annoyance and now question your trust for him.

I agree with the other posters - talk to him. Try to be calm and don't accuse him of anything - instead tell him how you feel and admit to him that you're feeling confused and vulnerable.

The girl at work is not really the issue here - you are.

Had to spread the rep IWish, but I agree with you. This isn't about the co-worker.

To the OP, I do know how you feel when unwelcome attention is going to the hubby. But, you either trust him, or you don't trust him. There is no between.

If I were you, I would not bring this up again to your husband unless, something obvious starts to happen like he's three hours home from work late, or starts to work out, buy new clothes, or you notice flowers on the Visa bill, and they weren't delivered to you.

I also don't get the impression that your husband was out looking for some on the side, or you would have had more to worry about before now.

I believe that a man has a right and a duty in such a situation. His right is having friends of male or female sex. His duty is to let her know that he is committed to you, and to make it unequivocal that their relationship is not going to go anywhere beyond what it is. He should also respect the fact that it makes you feel uncomfortable when she calls him regularly.

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they don't talk all that often, but when she does text him I find it to be completely inappropriate. She shares WAY too much personal information with him!

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As you said, they don't talk that often, so I don't see the problem. It is not like they talk more than once a day and for longer periods, I could see how it would bother you.

OP, I need to ask you a question - what information is she sharing in the text message? How did you get to see the message? What are you concerned about? Are you concerned about the fact that she will try to seduce your husband as hard as she can or... that he will fall for her if they spend a lot of time together?

P.S. I really can't stand the fact that there seems no privacy while two people are dating nowadays! I have read so many cases that one can read the other's email or check the other's cell phone! This needs to STOP!