Last year my 7yr old grandson disclosed to his mother that his grandmother (father's mother) was "touching" him and his younger brother 4yrs. My daughter instantly blocked all contact with this woman and reported the abuse to the authorities. She eventually told the boys Dad (her husband) and he still talks to his mother but has stood by my daughter and his sons. He knows not to push any contact with his family with my daughter.

In this time the authorities have done nothing to investigate the molesting. This women has custody of her 10yr old grand-daughter who also did 'touching' and sexual acts like oral sex on the boys when she stayed with my daughter a couple of times. As well as this this woman has contact with 5 other grandchildren. I reported all this an nothing has been done by the authorities. Their only concern is the children have been removed from having contact with the grandmother.
The only thing that has been done is my grandson, the 7yr old has been seeing a psychologist once a month since January this year which we feel is not enough.
My daughter has had an horrendous range of behavioural problems from the boys. The eldest can get into a trance like state of anger and he is so destructive when this happens. He gets his brothers to follow him and they will pull furniture around. Pull all the linen off the beds. Urinate on the floor or anything else. Get on the roof of the house or the family car and jump on it. They have urinated and defaecated inappropriately outside and in the house. The 4yr old will not use the toilet to this day to defaecate, he goes outside. They have been inappropriate with each other laughing and opening their bottom cheeks to each other and wanting to put their penis or fingers in each other.

During this time all this horrendous behaviour has lessened and it is not as often as it was in the beginning but we are concerned if these behaviours are not handled properly the boys will have a destructive future and all because they have been inocent victims to this monster. As time has gone on more of the abuse has been disclosed to us and it is sickening.
My husband and I have had the boys stay with us at times to give their parents a rest and I am so happy they love to stay with "Nanny and Poppy". We see them frequently. When they stay with us we have never had the 'bad' behaviours.

We are all wanting to do the best for the boys any suggestions would be most welcome
Thank you

I agree that both boys, not just the 7 year old, should have more frequent visits with the Psychologist. When the one is due for his next visit, see if you can call ahead, and ask to speak with him when the session has concluded.

I am bothered by the fact that none of the behaviour you've mentioned happens in your home, but only when they are with their mother and father. What triggers this behaviour at home. Has their father had a history of abuse at the hand of his mother? Is it possible that the father sees his mother with the boys and your daughter is not aware of this?

Does your son in law have siblings, and if so, have they experienced abuse as well?

As to the five other grandchildren and your impression that they too are in danger, I completely agree with you. It might be time to contact the police or social services and insist on an investigation. The other parents are aware of this situation I presume? Why are they not doing anything.

You could also speak with the school counsellors and express your concerns. They are obligated to report any abuse, and it may get something moving on an investigation.

That this woman hasn't been charged leaves me wondering why. Either somebody isn't doing their job, or there just wasn't enough evidence. I can't imagine after what you have said that the authorities didn't jump all over this.

Try to keep a diary as the kids talk. This will also help you, to keep detailed notes.

I am relieved that you are involved with the lives of these children and they have loving grandparents to look out after them.

Please post again with as much detail as possible. There are many good people here that can advise. Maybe what you get here will help you in this journey.

Thank you Jake2008 I am so grateful for your reply.
Yes my daughter and I are both sure the boys dad has been abused and molested by his mother, he will not talk about it.
Their dad has two sisters one older and one younger. They are adament their mother is innocent and one stated she will lie in court to protect her mother.
I was interested in you comparing the behaviours between our two houses. Unfortunately the boys experienced being molested at their house when their grandmother looked after them once just before this was found out. Regrettably this was a full day and she insisted she sleep with them the night before, where we now know she touched them and had them touch her. The boys have now 'trashed' this bedroom and they have stopped using this room. I often wonder if their dad sometimes reminds the boys of the grandmother with expressions or gestures inherent in him?
My daughter and I are fairly sure their dad has not had the boys have any contact with his mother. My daughter has been vigilent with their safety and I think even though their father cannot seem to stand up to his mother he is demonstrating he wants to protect them. Their dad knows my daughter will not hesitate to report this if it was ever disclosed.

Yes the other parents are aware and they are choosing to support this woman who I am sure is pyscopathic. My daughter has had phone blocks put on their home phone because of the fear the mother or sister in-laws will phone and the children may answer. My daughter has had them get someone else to phone and request to speak to her. When she refused, she received a barrage of phone calls and confronting messages which we reported to the police. They have not called since. My daughter is giving a clear message she will not hesitate to call in authority.

We have been so crushed by the lack of response from child protection. You have inspired me to annoy them further and keep ringing them. One person jumped on my daughter and said she had asked her son 'leading questions' and 'this will not stand up in court'. I was flabbergasted. We don't care about their court, you never see justice there. My concern is picking up the pieces of my grandsons lives, they have a right to be children.

The school has been informed of this situation and they followed through with a report. The family doctor sent a report and it has all been in limbo. This was done December last year.

My daughter has kept a diary and I have little bits of information. We will continue this practice.
Thank you once again, I'm crying to contact someone who will listen. It is not a subject you can tell anyone. They may change how they react to the children

Where you get the strength and grace and courage to carry on, is beyond me. You are well spoken and reasonable; I get the feeling that you have just not rattled the right cage yet. Social Services/courts/charges/ etc. are so complicated in how they interract with each other. Add teachers and doctors to the mix, and it is a tremendous amount of information to sift through. You want them to do their jobs properly, but at the same time, it has to be done quickly and efficiently.

If their father could speak up, it would be enormously helpful. Would he be willing to write out his experiences with his mother? I am thinking corroborative evidence here, but I'm not a lawyer. With the abuse being generational now, if he adds his support, it will have some clout.

If I had my wish, you, your grandsons, your daughter, son in law, and your husband, would all attend therapy. The risk is very great that with so much history still untold, and so much not effectively dealt with (particularly the sisters and their children), this is going to turn into a runaway freight train.

If you can establish a safe environment for your grandchildren, where they can express themselves and be evaluated and assessed, it may be time to do so, even if it has already been done before. It is a good point you raise about their reaction to their father, and God only knows what goes through their little heads about his mother.

Obviously your daughter gets her smarts from you. She is wise to keep it all upfront and not to hesitate to call any authorities. Block numbers, get restraining orders, whatever she has to do I'm sure she will do to protect her children. I would have done exactly that myself.

For now, keep at social services. Dates, times, names, the works. Follow-up weekly, and if you still can't get anywhere with them, make an appointment to see the Director. Everybody has to answer to somebody somewhere along the line. Get regular checkups for the kids with the psychologist if you can, and ask what type of therapy is available to your grandchildren.

I'm going to think more on this.

What a Godsend you are in their lives.