My ex girlfriend and I were really serious but then I decided to ask for a break because she was always talking about never being alone and wanting to be confident on her own. I guess I was just a little afraid that if we took it to the next level and she still felt that it could be disastrous. She didn't take it good at all. I told her I wasn't stuck on the break and was willing to just stay together but she said no. So within a week she met someone. She told me he was nothing to worry about but still kept hanging out with him. I tried to get her back because obviously that wasn't what I wanted. She said that she wasn't ready and still had anger towards me. She told me that I was the one for her and that after the break she wanted to get back together and take it to the next level... But now was the time for her to do this alone thing. Anyway about 1 1/2 months in after we had still been talking on and off. I would think things were getting good and then she would consistently say we shouldn't talk that it was just making it harder but then contacting me. So finally I stayed strong for a week. She called me like 10 times drunk and just wanted to check on me. I talked to her the next day and it was the same. So I stayed strong for another week and then saw her out with her friends. We said hello. Then the next day she text me asking if she ruined things. I of course thought she came to her senses and text her back that she hadn't. She said she felt stupid for not being ready for us so I called to find out that she was still seeing this guy. She came over to my house and told me she wished we could go back to where we were and that this guy wasn't anything special but that she still wasn't ready. When I asked her why she was still seeing this guy she said he really liked her and treated her really well but felt weak for staying with him because she loved me. She said she was confused and needed to get her together. Anyway I decided to stop talking too her and a week later I called her and left a message saying I wasn't going to take it anymore that I was moving on. The next day my phone was bombarded with calls and messages about her finding out something about me and needing to talk to me. You see I had decided to move away but didn't tell her so Im not sure if she found out. I don't know how she would... Anyway I stayed strong and didn't answer. She said she never wanted to talk to me again and that she wouldve been supportive of me... So the next day she texts me again saying she had a question and if I didn't respond she would leave me alone so I didn't and then she called me later. Then two days after that she text me again asking a favor... I love this girl but I'm not going to continue to hurt myself by talking to her especially when she is seeing someone else. I want a future but I can't just be the fallback guy...

You re right don't be her fallback guy.whatever problems she has they're hers now.no contact means you get a space for you so you can start to move on with your own life.Im sorry for your pain but it will get better in time and you will heal.

1) She already moved on, which is why she is with someone else. Obviously her feelings for you have changed, otherwise she wouldn't risk losing you by going for another guy.

2) You became the backup plan in case things don't pan out with this new dude. Just because she says she still loves you doesn't mean you should be sitting around waiting for her to break up with this new guy just to come back to you.

3) Actions speak louder than words. She might tell you that she still loves you, but her actions are contrary to it. If she really still loved you, she would be trying to work things out with you and not letting you go.

4) Stop being her safety net and move on with your life.

I completely agree with I Wish. She is keeping in touch with you in case things go wrong with the other guy.

Here are some things you need to ask yourself:
If she loves you then why isn't she with you? It makes no sense.
If she wants to do this alone thing then why does she have another man? She isn't exactly alone.

Keep up the no contact with her that's your smartest move yet. I can only see her coming back to you when all her other plans fail her.

You have looked out for yourself very well as her plan was only to keep you close in case things didn't workout with this new guy. Females who play this game, are very needy of having someone, anyone. And yes, had you stayed you would have been her back up plan/fall guy.

Well done, and you should celebrate having the sense to follow your brain and not your heart. It still sucks though, I know, but it won't hurt forever, nor will she pester you for long as long as you ignore the BS she wants to talk about.

I don't think she has anything pressing to talk over with you. I get the feeling its her way of getting back in your life since she saw how well you kicked her out of it. Stay strong.

The name of this topic is contradicting. If she still loves you she would not be with someone else, plain and simple. NC time, don't be somebody's plan B.

I feel like I am getting stronger and it is really hard but I still have the urge pop up sometimes to talk to her. Its really hard! This no contact thing I have kept up for almost a week but if she keeps trying to talk to me its going to be hard not to answer. Can people like her change or is it a lost cause?

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Originally Posted by july107

I feel like I am getting stronger and it is really hard but I still have the urge pop up sometimes to talk to her. Its really hard! This no contact thing I have kept up for almost a week but if she keeps trying to talk to me its goin to be hard not to answer. Can people like her change or is it a lost cause?

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They may grow up. May change, but it's not worth your time waiting on that to happen. I would label it a lost cause. Find someone who will appreciate you and respect you for all that you are.

It's going to be hard, but once all of the facts set in, you'll see things about her you've needed to see.

She has already changed, and that's why your not together, and she has someone new.

Do you mean will she change back, and take you back? She may, if the new guy is not what she wants. Or if you let her keep you waiting in the wings.

The issue is, once you take her back, the chances she stays with you go down dramatically just because she will know you will wait for her no matter what.

That's like telling her, that she can explore whenever she wants, and comeback whenever she wants. The reason you leaving her alone is so you cannot be strung along by false hope, that she will be back, because the fact is she dumped you, and has another, so she is not confused at all, she just thinks the grass is greener over in his yard, and you will keep the gate open for her if its not as green as she thinks.

She is not weak either as she was strong enough to dump you and still try to keep you close enough to comeback, even though she has another love interest right now.

The good news is, as you heal, and gain a clear perspective, you will see things that your emotions have blinded you to before about her. Stay strong.

Give yourself a chance to heal, even if she doesn't. If she truly cared about you and not just herself, you would have talked about it before the break up. She would have given you a lot more than lip service wouldn't you think.

You are right. I love her so much and its really hard but I know that I have allowed her to do as she pleases and leaving the door open is just making it worse. No contact is the path I will take...

Great job, keep it up! You've been doing far great that some of us who know nothing about dealing with breakups for the 1st time.. Nice!

So a quick update. I talked to her about 12 days ago and she said she missed me and was ending things with the guy. She said she was realizing how things weren't bad between us. I then broke the news that I was moving to another city. She tried to act like it didn't bother her and told me that I guess we had our chances. Then she said she was trying to keep a positive attitude and that when we don't talk she really misses me but then when we talk its easy for her to get angry with me. I expressed that I still hoped things could work out in the future and she agreed. We told each other we loved each other and that was it. Then 3 days after that she wanted to talk to me about moving. I told her thanks for concern but I was doing it for me. She didn't respond until about 3 days after that in an email telling me she was sorry and loved me more than anyone in this world. She also said she was sorry for placing blame on me when we talked on the phone. She also appoligized for hurting me by being with that guy. She claims to not know why she did it but knows it was the wrong thing to have done. She wished me luck in my move and told me she love me. I didn't respond to that email. Then about 4 days later she asked if I had left yet. I didn't respond. Then the next day she called leaving me a message telling me how it was hard thinking she might not see me again and needed some kind of closure. She ended the Voicemail by telling me she loved me. I didn't respond again. Then later she text me saying she really needed closure and asked to answer her calls. I didn't. I leave tomorrow and its hard because I do love her very much but I just can't keep letting her hurt me and talk to me when she wants all the time. I have never not answer her or given her what she wants so it is hard with this no contact thing.. I guess the only reason I continue with it is because if I give in she will think that her behavior is okay and its not. I don't know Im confused...

You re doing the right thing.
Stay strong and don't buy into her confusion.
Good luck with your move.

You're on the right track july107, that's what always happens after breakups. After trying to start something with another random guy. But that's not worth "i love u" at all. The reason she's saying that is she still has feelings for u but NOT going back to u. That's why all she says is I love you, not I want you. And even is it's the other way round, its not advisable cause she's still the same old person. I have my ex talking to me like she's my girlfriend after 6 months of breakup. Its all crap u see... Just stay strong. YOU ARE ONE STRONG MAN THERE!

I agree with everyone! Don't sit and wait... Don't believe every word she says cause its her way of holding on... Just break away from it... I know it's hard. Im going through almost the same thing but mine is different because I work with her and the uy she is going out with now also works with me... So it's really hard for me but I did everything I could just to stop talking to her... I thought about all the bad things she's done, all her lies she told me, like they said, in time you'll see the whole perspective and ask yourself if you really want her back. Of course, you're going to miss her, your going to cry over her(just not in her face), you're going to constantly talk about her with your friends (and sooner or later, our friends will tell you to shut up), your going to look at old pics, kind of stock her awhile and the list goes on... It's true love that you feel but in the end, it's the same results, an empty, broken, scared, angry heart. I wish I could say it will all be fine but it's not true, You will think of her, everyday of your life and no matter what you do, It still doesn't changed the fact she's gone. My advice to you, Keep your head up, try to stay positive and busy... surround yourself with a lot of activities... and keep walking! Remember your feet is your only carriage and you have to push on through! Stay strong and I hope you your heart can be happy again.

I have the same problem I am in school and I was with her for 5 months. I thought we were sereous and so did she she was already talking about moving intogether when we leave . What do you think ?

ChrisJay you should post your own thread so people can give you advice. Thanks.

I am in the same situation and I no how you feel, it kills you not to do it but I have notice if you push them away it will only make her want you more, but that doesn't mean you should take her back, you need to do what is best for you NOT! Her

Going through a very similar situation myself. My ex fiancé always keeps me as her safety net breaks me down and when things fall through tries coming back. It's best just cutting ties for good because things like that do come around. Every ex I always had always ended up cold and alone and always wish that they could go back and change things seeing how good I truly was. The way I see it now a relationship ends for a reason and you need to keep moving forward yeah it sucks but you'll be better and stronger in the end and half the time the guys these chicks leave you for aren't even worth the time of day.