I need to always have a man and be loved else I won't feel happy. I go/stay in relationships that is dangerous for my health and well-being and I am aware of it but I stay in the situations. Desiring to be loved and cared for. I was abused for years and just came out of that relationship and got into one with a married man and I think if we should separate I will go back to the previous relationship. I can't see myself being alone. What is wrong with me? I want to be by myself and when I am I can't control myself from feeling left out and alone. Help me please... I don't know what to do... I am indecisive... :confused: :(

Co-dependency ruins all kinds of relationships and lives. It is not to be trifled with as it can do great damage and is often a factor, along side other addictions and mental illness, in suicides. Do exactly what someone else who has been where you are (co-dependent in her relationships) and has recovered did and recover yourself. You will find, just as I suggested on that other thread, information about that very topic either in books, and/or in support groups. Or seek the help of a professional. Recovery is possible. Indecisive is part of how you perpetute all this and give yourself an excuse to do nothing. Now that you know what it is and that you can do something about it, its time to get busy looking into it. What is waiting for you on the other side is freedom from the vicious cycle of your desperation picking poor choices for relationships.

Believe me I am trying, I want to get help that is why I registered with this site. Is there any other sites available such as this that I can register with while I'm on work?

Marissa,

You need to understand that you are the only one that can control your actions. Find something different to fill your time rather than looking for a relationship. Spend time with friends, co-workers or volunteer. Helping others will help you boost yourself esteem and then you can find an internal peace with yourself. You must work on yourself before you can stop the vicious cycle. There is nothing terribly wrong with you, many people are in the same boat. You just simply must take control.
--Lisha

Marisa, if the problem is serious enough, which it does seem so, then sites won't help you. Only face-to-face counseling will provide you with the greatest benefit.

I have answered all your posts the same way, PLEASE get professional help!!

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Originally Posted by marisa_franklin

Believe me I am trying, I want to get help that is why i registered with this site. Is there any other sites available such as this that I can register with while I'm on work?

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There are probably a thousand such sites. Online help can point you in the right direction, and it already has, but you need more in-depth work with a professional therapist. No amount of hashing it over online will get you to where you need to be. The fact that you've started this new thread and are getting exactly the same answers you got on the last one should tell you something. If this online "help" keeps distracting you from going to a professional, it isn't really helping at all. You need more than we can give. Don't use this as an excuse to avoid doing what you really need to do.

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Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

There are probably a thousand such sites. Online help can point you in the right direction, and it already has, but you need more in-depth work with a professional therapist. No amount of hashing it over online will get you to where you need to be. The fact that you've started this new thread and are getting exactly the same answers you got on the last one should tell you something. If this online "help" keeps distracting you from going to a professional, it isn't really helping at all. You need more than we can give. Don't use this as an excuse to avoid doing what you really need to do.

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This is as true now as it was dozens of posts ago on all of Marisa's threads. Action is the magic word. :rolleyes:

Maybe if we just repeat "get professional help" on all of her posts she will get the message.

Bingo! I think that's a brilliant idea. Instead of anaylyzing and Repeating good advice we could keep it simple=

"get professional help"

I have received my help from the Lord and I believe he truly knew from my heart what I can't explain on paper/text and he answered my prayer and given me a God-fearing man and family that I can get the affection and security that I have lost as a child and I thank God for he will never let you down and I encourage others out there to seek God and he shall answer your prayers. He is a great and wonderful saviour and provider. I am free and happy thanks for all your posts. God bless!

I feel for you. It is my experience that all ones behaviour must be relearned. Strength and self worth can be gained from wise friendships. I have found nurturing sensible, educated, and thoughtful people to be my friends has been highly rewarding and personally extending. Choose your friends for their qualities and life skills and watch them, emulate them and learn from them. Without the complication of the sexual aspect of a relationship there is room to explore and grow out of the damaged child into a confident adult. When your confidence and self esteem has grown and you have re-learned social behaviour, you may find it easier to be more discerning in your choice of partner. We are all alone no matter how many friends or relatives we have, however, the confidence of knowing there are people out there, available any time for us can enable us to enjoy our time alone with biscuits and the TV in bed...

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Originally Posted by marisa_franklin

I need to always have a man and be loved else I wont feel happy. I go/stay in relationships that is dangerous for my health and well-being and I am aware of it but I stay in the situations. Desiring to be loved and cared for. I was abused for years and just came out of that relationship and got into one with a married man and I think if we should separate I will go back to the previous relationship. I can't see myself being alone. What is wrong with me? I want to be by myself and when I am I can't control myself from feeling left out and alone. Help me please... I don't know what to do... I am indecisive....:confused: :(

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omg I feel like Im hearing myself talk!! I think that this comes from self love issues. Maybe yourself esteen has been shot during this process?? I don't kow what youo situation is personally, but just know that your not the only one. I have been told by friend and co workers that I need to learn to be happy on my own. Learn to do things by yourself and this way you will learn to appreciate your own company and realize one day that you don't someone else in your life to make you happy. Especially one that doesnttreat you right and deserve you. I know its so easy for me to say but ask me to do this, and. Uh-uh!! Lol. But I think we both know iin our heads what is best for us. Its just hard ot gather up the courage and do it. It does hurt to be alone... but as the saying goes... "mejor solo que mal acompanada" which is spanish for better off alone than with bad company. Hope you find your way. (hugs) good luck =)

I feel the same way.I'm 43 and pretty intelligent,usually but when it comes to 'LOVE' all sense goes out the window!I can't believe myself.I'm in therapy for serious life long issues I have had to deal with,working on making life changes.I'm comfortable,have friends and yet find myself sitting here obsessing over a guy 14 years younger with no car, no money,about to lose his job an obsessing & drug user overweight... the list goes on. But he does not act "CRAZY" for me-he lays it on thick when he is with me but lies and makes up excuses to "party" with his other "using" friends.I must be so desperate... it is embarrassing.I guess that is why I had to share it here with strangers.I hope we find the strength to love ourselves & not waste ourselves on losers so undeserving of us.I feel your pain though.