Hi
I am writing on behalf of my friend who is about to go through a bad divorce

They have been married 10 years
He cheated on her several times during those years
She lost her love for him
Wanted out, but kept trying to make it work
w
She met a man and they had an affair
The husband told her to get out, she didn't but he yelled and told her to leave
She did

-
Now flash to the present

She now lives with me
I agreed to this as she needs a friend

The husband decided that HE would take the kids and that she would never have custody
She got a mediator and agreed that she would take the kids on weekends

Now she is waiting for her court date at the end of November
Her lawyer and his lawyer will be in a room with the judge (with herself and her husband)

I know this is long, please bare with me

When she picks up the kids on fridays, the husband verbally abuses her stating she is a whore and that she should just settle this now or he will get the kids solely
When HE has the kids he is supposed to drop them off at the time instructed but never does
He is late usually 2-3 hours

Once he had them up North camping and was to be on a ferry at a certain time, so that the children would be with their mother
He stated to her that they may miss that ferry and be back to her home 5 hours later
She told him NO and that she never does that to him etc
He did it anyway

He also does this:
-her one daughter broke her arm and he never called her (the mother) to tell her
-parent/teacher interviews... she has missed 2 as he never told her about it
-he told her the other night that her children were told that it is not a separation but a divorce (she and her husband has agreed to tell them together)
-any monies made while they were together, bonuses etc, he has spent rather than splitting it and paying for bills and debts they gathered together
-he wrote a legal document through his lawyer stating that she is an unfit mother and that (ME, my name isn't mentioned) her roommate doesn't have a job (I do)


NOW my question is this:
-Since she can't call up her lawyer (her lawyer charges her) everyday, what can she do until the court date in late November?

-What can she tell him to make him stop, how can she tell him in a firm, legal and semi-threatening ay that he can't do this anymore?

-He mentioned in that document that his lawyer drew up , that I don't have a job, but I do, my actual name isn't in it, but it is implied... what legal right to I have?


As a friend I am mad
Mad that she hasn't just told him to stick-it and mad that he continues to upset her

I hope I have stated everything above in full detail

I am happy to hear that you are being there for her in a time of great need. For one, he cannot keep her from seeing her children unless there is a VERY good reason. For two, help her find a new strength. He's probably walking all over her and holding the kids above her head and she is putting up with it in fear that he will take them away forever.

This is a downward spiral, do not let her go down it.

There can really be no legal way to stop his verbal abuse to him, but there can be HER way. HER way may end up coming as a surprise and shock to him, as it seems she has been a 'pushover' for him for at least the past decade. (Not trying to belittle or berate, just going on what you posted, hun).

You can encourage her in every which way that you can. Teach her how to stick up for herself. He has no power over her, not even over the kids as she STILL does get to see them on the weekends. Document ever occurrence of verbal abuse coming from him and tell her THAT I SAID not to be scared of him. Also, don't give him any ammo that can be used against her.

-He can have any document he wants written up, he needs proof to back it up.
-Tell her to call the school herself to get info on any important events that may require parents to show up. Yes, it is allowed.
-Defamation of character isn't nice.
-Tell her to smile as much as possible, and show no vulnerability when around him.

I hope any of this helps; he's the whore. It's called adultery, try calling around to any firms that work pro-bono family law and get a consultation on how to handle his behavior, in a legal aspect.

I wish lots of luck to you and your friend, take care.

YOU are wonderful
I will print out your reply and give it to her
Thanks a lot, she needs it:)

http://www.familylawtoronto.ca/

Forgot this one! And you both are very welcome, I hope everything goes well.

There's little she can do until the court date. She should keep her attorney apprised of his continued threatening and abusive behavior. Have her keep a log documenting everything ; time, date, place and what was said under what circumstances (e.g. he brought them back 5 hours late.) Whether you have a job really has nothing to do with the price of tea in China. I think your friend was a little hasty in allowing the mediator to give temporary custody to her husband - she should have made him fight for it hook, line and sinker. Perhaps a counter-letter painting him as an unfit father is in order. Don't lie but stretch the truth as far as it will go, if you get my drift.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Agent99

Hi
I am writing on behalf of my friend who is about to go through a bad divorce

They have been married 10 years
He cheated on her several times during those years
She lost her love for him
Wanted out, but kept trying to make it work
w
She met a man and they had an affair
The husband told her to get out, she didnt but he yelled and told her to leave
She did

-
Now flash to the present

She now lives with me
I agreed to this as she needs a friend

The husband decided that HE would take the kids and that she would never have custody
She got a mediator and agreed that she would take the kids on weekends

Now she is waiting for her court date at the end of November
Her lawyer and his lawyer will be in a room with the judge (with herself and her husband)

I know this is long, please bare with me

When she picks up the kids on fridays, the husband verbally abuses her stating she is a whore and that she should just settle this now or he will get the kids soley
When HE has the kids he is supposed to drop them off at the time instructed but never does
He is late usually 2-3 hours

Once he had them up North camping and was to be on a ferry at a certain time, so that the children would be with their mother
He stated to her that they may miss that ferry and be back to her home 5 hours later
She told him NO and that she never does that to him etc
He did it anyway

He also does this:
-her one daughter broke her arm and he never called her (the mother) to tell her
-parent/teacher interviews.....she has missed 2 as he never told her about it
-he told her the other night that her children were told that it is not a separation but a divorce (she and her husband has agreed to tell them together)
-any monies made while they were together, bonuses etc, he has spent rather than splitting it and paying for bills and debts they gathered together
-he wrote a legal document through his lawyer stating that she is an unfit mother and that (ME, my name isnt mentioned) her roommate doesnt have a job (I do)


NOW my question is this:
-Since she can't call up her lawyer (her lawyer charges her) everyday, what can she do until the court date in late November?

-What can she tell him to make him stop, how can she tell him in a firm, legal and semi-threatening ay that he can't do this anymore?

-He mentioned in that document that his lawyer drew up , that I dont have a job, but I do, my actual name isnt in it, but it is implied.....what legal right to I have?


As a friend I am mad
Mad that she hasnt just told him to stick-it and mad that he continues to upset her

I hope I have stated everything above in full detail

---

Hi Agent 99!

I feel for you and your friend and if it was me (now realize I'm straight hood with a lot of refinement) I would let him know he doesn't intimidate me first.
He would get a whatever attitude just give me my kids.
She should learn to just ignore his ignorant a**.
She should just laugh when she sees him because what comes around goes around harder, he doesn't like the fact that what he was doing to her she did to him.
She needs to get her self-esteem and self confidence and move on. He has to really prove she is unfit and that from what I have been reading will be really hard.
She needs your support, strength and empowerment. Let her know that he can't hurt her anymore and that her life is her own and the only thing she wants and needs is to be with her kids and no matter what he says she is still their mother and he needs to get over himself. She needs to remember they don't stay babies forever they grow up and then just as she has to fight for every minute with them in their childhood he's going to have to fight for every minute of their adulthood. All she has to do is love them and they will always remember that and always love her.