Ask Me Help Desk - Is he the one?

I am normally a confident 18 year old, I'm not an overly jelous person but I do have an imaginative mind. I have been with my boyfriend for about 3-4 months. We get on soooo well, and a bit thing happened with us that made us realise that were in love with each other. But now I am always thinking the worst about situations with his girly friends, and are suddenly getting overly jealous. And I'm woundering is this normal am I feeling like this just because I care about him so so much or is it me trying to show myself I shouldn't be woth him. I don't want to keep going on to him and talking about this because I don't want to drive him away which I think I'm right for doing, I mean we do talk about it but I try not to bring it up too much, but its eating me apart. Any input would be great. Thanks xxx

What exactly is the problem here?
You are worried and jealous about his girly friends?

Let me tell a story about me.
Im 27, married to the man of my dreams that I met when I was roughly your age, I was 19, he was 21.
He is english I'm not. We had a long ditsance relationship for 1 year, but then I moved to UK to be with him.
When I moved there I meet alllll his girly friends, some he had sexual relationships with before he met me. He told me everything before I moved there so I hear it from him not these girls.
AND MY GOD was I jealous and insecure... some even tried to make me more jealous... but hey, you know what I learnt.. WHY be jealous because I realised they were the jealous ones because he chose ME and not them ;)

When I met my wife I had more than a few females that where good friends and when they got to know my wife they became friends and kicked me to the curb, that was more than 30 years ago and we are all friends to this day. Take that jealous monster and stuff him some where before he cost you a happy relationship.

Do you trust him? If you don't trust him, there's a chance that it won't work between the two of you. But if the BOTH of you really want it to work, then work, love and trust has to come from the both of you. Besides, that kind of worrying happens a lot, it means you have a conscious and care about him.

He's choosing to have a relationship with you, and not with them! :) Are they possibly any insecurities he may have about any of your friends? Just curious, sometimes its easier to help or give some advice if I see both sides. And hey, only start to worry if he does anything inappropriate with his 'friends'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by raggwell

i am normally a confident 18 year old, im not an overly jelous person but i do have an imaginative mind. i have been with my boyfriend for about 3-4 months. we get on soooo well, and a bit thing happened with us that made us realise that were in love with eachother. but now i am always thinking the worst about situations with his girly friends, and are suddenly getting overly jealous. and im woundering is this normal am i feeling like this just because i care about him so so much or is it me trying to show myself i shouldnt be woth him. i dont want to keep going on to him and talking about this because i dont want to drive him away which i think im right for doing, i mean we do talk about it but i try not to bring it up too much, but its eating me apart. any input would be great. thanks xxx

If you have a 'gutt' feeling that he is being too flirty with girls
THEN HE IS!

You shouldn't have to worry about him and other women and if you do, then he isn't the one for you

Well I did the same thing. As it happened I never realised in time and is one of the things we argued about the most. I miss him so much. I think it is totally natural thing to do. You always want to protect and keep the people that mean the most close and get rid of any threats. So yeah I think it is normal. Have you tried talking to him about it. It may help. Try explaining what you feel and why you act in that way. It might help him understand better and be more considerate towards your feelings.

Do you have any concrete, specific evidence to suggest that he's being unfaithful? If not, then let it go. If you do, then dump him like a hot potato. Otherwise you will drive him away. Paranoia and relationships do not mix.

I am a little confused about what you want help with.

If it is jealousy, good thing because that can and does eat people alive. It is often not based in reality too so it won't be dealt with rationally either.

What specifically do you want help with?