Ask Me Help Desk - My ex girl had dumped me,how to get her back

I and my lady love had loved aboout nearly 15 years .Now she had dumped me.its been nearly one year and she is not even want to see my face,take my call ,she is totally ignoring me.we had a great fight in which I and she had used some words which hurted each other.Even though I apologized for what I had done she is not ready to take me back and says that there is nothing to speak between us and her and don't disturb her anymore.And if I disturb her again,she will complain me to police and file case against me saying that I am harassing her.Even she had ill treated me my heart wants her back.I am not able to think the life without her but she is so adament and she is not listening to my words.I tried all the ways to get he back but all prove to be in vain.she is constantly ignoring me.I promised to change mysely but she is not ready accept.She had also shared the same thing with her parents and all of them are against me.now I am in a critical position.I am not able to leave her and I am ready to do anything to get her.please help me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by anbuj

now i am in a critical position

No, you were in a critical position and the wrong things were said. Now you're just done, finished. Moreover, you've been done for some time and are just increasingly becoming more of a nuisance. The only chance, which if it exists is almost non-existent, of getting her back is to leave her totally and completely alone until she contacts you, if ever.

Some things cannot be fixed after the fact. Apologies are to apologize; not change the other person's mind. She can forgive you, and still not take you back.

She already knows that you want her back. But her message to you is pretty clear. She doesn't want you back. You can't force her. Leave her alone. Otherwise she will call the police.

15 years is a long time and I am not sure what you did for her to be that angry, but right now you are in shamble and you need to take care of yourself. You need some time alone and you need to apply NC. Don't talk to her, if she wants you back, she'll call you back, during that time let her be and try to move on.

anbuj,

Keeping contacting her and asking for another chance is not the right way for you. Every contact you make is pushing her further away... she's already at a point to call the police. I am not sure how much further away you actually CAN push a person. You need to leave her alone and change... not for her but yourself... and if you are really lucky, she might call you back one day, but to me it sounds like this book is closed and safely locked away for her.

Sorry man.

Now it is time for you to let go slowly. It is a long process with plenty of pain, longing and hurt, but in the end your hard work will be rewarded.

It is a long journey, really long, hard, painful and full of longing and sadness, but if you concentrate on yourself, apply NC, stay strong, focused and start settling with the fact, then you will come all right very slowly...

Have you read the stickies?! Very helpful!!

It is time for you to heal, mate... not easy to accept, I know it myself, but eventually there is nothing else you can do except of letting go and move on...

At the moment you are thinking with your heart and not your head.

Ive recently had my 12 year relationship end so I know how hard it is to let go of your hopes and dreams that you had with this person.

But you must realise that unless you stop contacting this person you are doing more harm than good.

I did the email, text and phone call stuff all to have it ignored. You can't make her want to be with you. She has to want to be with you. Obviously she doesn't.

You need to take time out for yourself. The best thing I ever did was to get away for a couple of weeks by myself. I spent the time crying when I wanted to, feeling sorry for myself and basically letting the "emotional dust settle". (I borrowed that line from someone on here :))

Now I have a clearer mind and can think properly. Its hard but you've got to think about yourself.

Tell your heart to shut the hell up, as its clear you will only be asking for big trouble, and no female is worth jail my friend.

You have no choice but to leave her alone, and stay away from her.

Sorry for your loss.

I think you're wasting your time trying to get her back. Do what she says and leave her alone, especially since she threatened to go to the police if you continue contacting her. You need to pick up and move on with your own life. I don't know how or why you broke up but you shouldn't have to bargain with someone that you'll "change yourself" in order to win them back. Remember, it's over for a reason. Whether you agree with the reason or not, something drove a wedge between you and you're just not compatible. If you really think that you need to make some changes in yourself, then stay away from the dating scene for a while and work on yourself to make those changes.

Mate,

One thing I would like to add:

I have been doing a similar thing, just less intense and still, my ex is seeking distance instead of closeness.

She realises that I cannot move on yet and let go. She MAY care about me still, but cannot allow this in her life. And I understand!! She is trying to build up her new life, moved on and the last thing she needs is a clingy ex...

So when I met her after 2 1/2 months, she told me straight that there is nothing she has to say to me anymore. She is done with me and won't get in contact with me until I do have a new girl-friend or even married. I never imagined that to happen. But it did... the gap between us grew huge just because I could not move on and she realised.

If I'd have left her alone, the gap might not be as big and the bridges not burnt.

So every step you take towards her is a step away from her as well...

You need to understand that... believe a guy who experienced it recently... and the pain just increases... until it might overtake you and rule your life... if you are at that point (I am close), the whole process back is hard, freaking hard... but not undoable...

... and to decrease the pain again, you need to back off, work things out for yourself. You need to heal for yourself and she cannot be part of that...

... a friend told me once, that if a partnership ends for good (and the signs in your case are clear, sorry to say this), the spiritual connection is cut and you do not have a right to linger around each others life anymore.

You are going separate ways and that's it... once you realise, you'll get better... start doing things for yourself...

Quote:

Originally Posted by anbuj

I and my lady love had loved aboout nearly 15 years .Now she had dumped me.its been nearly one year and she is not even want to see my face,take my call ,she is totally ignoring me.we had a great fight in which i and she had used some words which hurted each other.Even though i apologized for what i had done she is not ready to take me back and says that there is nothing to speak between us and her and dont disturb her anymore.And if i disturb her again,she will complain me to police and file case against me saying that i am harassing her.Even she had ill treated me my heart wants her back.i am not able to think the life without her but she is so adament and she is not listening to my words.i tried all the ways to get he back but all prove to be in vain.she is constantly ignoring me.i promised to change mysely but she is not ready accept.She had also shared the same thing with her parents and all of them are against me.now i am in a critical position.i am not able to leave her and i am ready to do anything to get her.please help me.

Firstly:

15 years of love? Are you sure about that sir?

Secondly:

She dumped you. Its obvious that her interest level has been quite low for quite some time. It wasn't just the ARGUMENT that set it off. It was all the things that added up to the argument. Not just the argument alone!

But you didn't see it sir!

Thirdly:

YOU NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN PERIOD!!! YOU'LL NEVER WIN!!! YOU LOSS ALL SELF-CONTROL HERE BUDDY!!! YOU JUST COULDN'T CALMLY TALK THINGS OUT WITH HER?

FINALLY:

LET HER GO!!!

You are beating your head against a wall here buddy! Theres no coming back for this one. Go NO CONTACT. Work on yourself, and your temper also. There is a lesson to be learned from this experience sir.

Chances of her coming back are 1 in a 10,000,000,000,000:

But there is a chance which I doubt:

The more you pester her and bother the more you going to push her. But like I said buddy it done...

Learn from it! And move on.

You've been dating a woman for 15 years and never asked for her hand in marriage. I hope I don't have to wait that long for my boyfriend to ask my hand. I'd dump him too if he makes me wait that long.