I have been talking to this guy for about three months now.. I would not say that we are dating but I know that he likes me because we talk everyday and have maybe around hour long conversations every night which is extremely unusual especially for both of us since we are in graduate school and have no time for anything.. We also see each other almost everyday outside of school and he likes to come over and bring a movie.. or go and sit with me when I am studying. And he does the sweetest little things for me all the time which I'm not going to get into.. My point is.. From observing his personality I can tell he is the type of guy that likes a challenge. It seems that he would want something just because he can't have it so I am afraid that he will get bored or not try as hard once our relationship gets to the next level.. I mean, we haven't even kissed yet.. and he really does not know me because he thinks that I am so innocent... Like he is going to corrupt me or something... even though that is very far from the truth.. I want him to keep thinking that and I don't want to rush things.. but I know how these things go and if I continue with the way things are.. we might get in the friend zone.. and I don't want that.. But at the same time.. I don't want to admit my feelings for him , which are extremely deep , and I don't want to get into a relationship with him because of school. He doesn't try to kiss me or anything like that.. the last two times we watched a movie, we cuddled but only because it was cold.. and we give each other extra long hugs goodbye.. This is about as much contact as we have had. I know he probably thinks I have a crush on him because of how we flirt and the way I look at him. And he is contstantly giving me compliments... I mean he is so perfect right now its too unreal... I literally have been imagining him all of my life.. and its like the guy in my mind came to life.. However I have been in plently of relationships and know things can change fairly quickly... You pretty much teach people how you want to be treated.. My questions is... Based on what I have said.. what can I do.. to make him want me more and more but at the same time not evolve things to a boyfriend/girlfirend relationship, and not get bored... and also on another note.. Its really hard for me to stand next to him without literally jumping his bones.. I think I'm going crazy.. It's getting really hard controlling myself.. When he looks at me in my eyes I stop breathing.. And I am also really scared that if we do get into a relationship, I will most likely lose him.. Id rather be just friends anyday then lose him all together. He helps me out so much in school and so many other ways. I don't know what to do.. Sorry for the length of this question.

Sorry but I actually found your post quite confusing , you want this but not that etc. etc. etc. etc.

I really think you should just make your mind up , do you want him or don't you? He certainly sounds like he's interested in you.

Yes sorry, I am very bad at expressing my feelings.. Basically I want to keep his interest without investing any more emotions or moving forward in our relationship.. Like I want the things the way they are now without him getting bored.

Well if you don't want to become romantically involved maybe you should let him know. I don't think it's real fair to string him along if that's what he thinks your after as well.

If you tell him and he agrees all good , if he vanishes he's probably not all you think he is.

Just my opinion though.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html

There's an obvious attraction from both ends and you yourself are quite deeply involved already,as I can see.But you are worried because once you invest your emotions and deep feelings,he might just get bored and leave you,right?So,since you don't want him to leave u,you are scared to take a step forward,right?

Its like you don't want to take things to the next level for the fear of losing it all.But if you don't take a step,that's making you more miserable.U have two choices actually.1)U don't do anything at all.Carry on the way you are and wait for him to make a move.2)U take a step and test the waters.Where the heart is involved,u really can't play too safe and have your cake and eat it too.Either you love and get burnt or you stay away,hoping,waiting for him to make a move.Its your choice,honestly.

I would find it hard trying to plan your emotions and their involvement in a relationship... don't think you can script things and I truly think it is the wrong way to look at them.

May I suggest you just let things progress without trying to have control over details that really shouldn't be under robotic control? You only get out of something what you put into it, so if you can't and aren't willing to take a risk and LET things happen because you're scared, then you will never reap the rewards.

I think that the greatest relationships are just without thinking so much, but just letting the dates and conversations build for itself. And trust me, at times we do over think stuff because we just have that strong feeling that they might be that "guy" or "girl". But the truth is, we don't know unless we take a chance. That is what life is about mostly.

I think you just relax, and enjoy the time you share, and see what happens later.

Yup. Relax and let it progress at it's own pace. You can't control love... it controls you.

Of course you can always show up naked and bring beer. It helps... the beer that is.

One thing I would like to point out is your fear to be with him as a couple because of school. Sounds like you already spend a decent amount of time with him and just because you take the next level, doesn't mean you have to spend even more time together. You control how much time you want to see each other. It sounds like a very poor excuse to me. It almost makes me think that you don't really like him. You're just being a bit selfish by hoping that he sticks around waiting for you to finish school. Is that really how you feel?

If he's interested in you, he won't stop just because you're dragging it out. He hasn't even asked you to be his girlfriend yet. Sounds like he's just trying to get to know you better, which is what you should be doing too.

Just go with the flow and enjoy the time that you spend together.

All of you have great responses... but not quite what I was looking for:) everything makes a lot of sense though most of you guys are on point... For the whole school part, I Wish, it is a big reason for me simply because I know myself and I know that if I were to get in a relationship, I would put him first and school second.. even if I don't want to.. It always happens this way and it makes it very hard for me to focus.. let alone maintain my GPA.. But as for why I think he hasn't made a move is because from our conversations he is probably sure that if he tries he would get rejected, because I did tell him at some point I don't get into relationships nor want to unless its almost to the point of engagement. But I really don't want him to try to make me his girlfriend.. I want things the way they are now.. but I don't want to push him away or lead him on too much.

I think you just need to be honest with him and hope he's happy to keep things the way they are now.

I don't think any of us here can tell you how he'll take it , he'll decide that on his own.

Good luck whatever happens.

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Originally Posted by LadyI

All of you have great responses... but not quite what i was looking for:) everything makes a lot of sence though most of u guys are on point... For the whole school part, I Wish, it is a big reason for me simply because i know myself and i know that if i were to get in a relationship, I would put him first and school second.. even if i don't want to .. It always happens this way and it makes it very hard for me to focus .. let alone maintain my GPA .. But as for why I think he hasn't made a move is because from our conversations he is probably sure that if he tries he would get rejected, because i did tell him at some point I don't get into relationships nor want to unless its almost to the point of engagement. But i really don't want him to try to make me his gf.. I want things the way they are now.. but i don't want to push him away or lead him on too much.

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I want things the way they are now.. but I don't want to push him away or lead him on too much.

You sound more sure of what you want from this situation in this recent post than your initial post.If you read you recent post and your initial post,there's a stark difference in how you say "you want things the way they are now" rather than the earlier confused feeling of not being able to decide what you want.

I have a feeling you already know that you don't want a long-term relationship with this guy but at the same time you don't want to let him go.Which is certainly your decision and your choice.What is a bit worrying is that you speak as if you know he is into you and is maybe waiting to take this further but knows he will be rejected,which,from his point of view,could prove hurtful to him.So,be careful about setting your expectations right and be very clear about your terms otherwise things could get unnecessarily complicated for both.

Why not try being honest,telling him how you feel and approaching your relationship like an adult?

You sound like you are afraid to do this and that because this will happen and on and on.

You are making problems where there aren't any.
If he likes you ,he will like you for who you REALLY are.Not some one you imagine he would like.

Stop over-thinking this and be real.

Two things can happen,he will not be interested or he will be.

End of all the worrying and games and you will know where you stand.

He may be feeling the same way you do.