My boyfriend broke up with me just a few days ago, I tried asking him to rethink it but he is determined to go through with it.

The last 6 months of our relationship, he has been quite distant but we still had great times, went on really amazing dates and now he told me that he just wants his own freedom (especially after having to take care of the finances for the last 4 years). We have lived together for most part of our relationship.

He told me that he's too tired to carry on this relationship and that his career is what he wants to pursue and that he sacrificed a lot of his dreams for me. He hasn't been able to drop everything (since we live together) and go away to another country and work there. Or spend money on certain crazy things, which he can afford because he felt the money he earned was for us.

I agree it's my fault that I did not contribute enough to the relationship and when we tried communicating , I was either too hysterical to listen and also I had trouble understanding what he meant because we have such completely different lives. (he was working 9 to 5, while I was unemployed, fresh out of uni) He had to take care of me for a long time and now I've just become a burden to him over the last 6 months.

He wants us both to have our own lives and for me to grow up. And he has so much on his plate now that he can't handle me being dependent on him.

I really regret not being able to "get it" for so long and that it has come to this. I still love him and care immensely about him. He has initated NC right after but it is so hard because I am unable to move out (no $$) , he has been staying over at his friend's place. We never did really start the NC because I called and talked to him (which I shouldn't have done). And today I got my first proper job interview, I called him to ask for tips etc. (we both work as designers) He helped me a lot both over the phone and msn, the same support that I would have gotten if we were still together. But he did tell me that he can't do this anymore, that he has his own worries right now.

He told me that I was his best friend and that he'll probably never find someone as compatible and that we'll see how it goes after a year of being apart. That he's not going to just vanish and disappear and get married. That he just wants his own space. Does that mean I still have a chance?

Over the last few days, I also realised just how dependent on him I have been. But it is so hard for me as I am still living at the apartment we shared, which we both were so excited to move into (only 4 months ago). I see him everywhere, I see all the little gifts, I am reminded of the things that we planned to do.

I would want to get back together with him, to prove to him that I've changed (not for him but also myself). Yes as always, I still feel that he is the only one.

Right now, I'm having so much trouble letting it go which I know it's really the only thing I can do. I just keep wishing that everything is OK again.

I told him that he's right that I shouldn't contact him anymore. But the trouble is, he's got to come back to the apartment at some point and we are supposed to be working on a project together. (this isn't something that we can just reject since it's a really important client) And even though I know it is completely OK for me to tell him, no I don't want to do it. I want to work on it as it's a great project that I can learn a lot from.

I know this is probably asking for the impossible. What should I do?

Do I try to let go as much as possible and treat him as a professional friend / housemate until I move out? (I can't move back home because it's at the other end of the world) and none of my friends have their own space for me to stay over.

How do I get it out of my system that all the things that I see, I still want to do them with him. All the places we've gone to , are places that I still have to go pass/to and I feel so sad. My only 2 friends have their own lives and issues to deal with and they have been trying to support me but there's only so much they can do.

Is it OK for me to try and let go of him, so that he has his own space but still hope that we can still reconcile ?

I am starting to take steps to moving out, but every time I think about the fact that I'm leaving him hurts. I've started applying for jobs and actually have a trial run tomorrow & might actually have a chance at it. It's only been 5 days and I am at such a complete loss right now.

Sad as this is I think you must accept that its over and somehow find the strength to move and to move on. Find the job that's right for you and somewhere nice to live.breakups suck but time will heal you even though you may not believe this today.best of luck to you.

It's sad isn't it that sometimes it takes a crisis like this to kick start us into action and knock some sense into our heads?

From your post it sounds as if you took him and his support for granted. I can understand this, as you probably believed that his love was unconditional. But it wasn't unconditional - it was conditional on you contributing something in return and when you didn't he got tired and burnt out.

It's a really hard lesson to look back - and we always have 20/20 vision in hindsight - and understand that you contributed to the breakup of your relationship by not contributing.

I don't know if there is the possibility of reconciliation. But I do know that you must give him space and time.

Try to stop thinking about only yourself - as you seem to have been - and drop your involvement in the project. You can learn what you have to learn elsewhere.

Show him that you can contribute to his well-being by respecting his wishes.
Show him that you can be independent, mature and sensitive to HIS needs.
Show him that you have the capacity to fend for yourself.

I think putting distance between you is your best option. Whatever it takes. There is no relationship, business or otherwise. You have to move on without him.