Before I get into my problem I will give some information about my girlfriend and I. We started talking about 3 months ago. I was introduced to her through my sister which whom she works with. It is a long distance relationship (bout a 10 hour drive). I have been seeing her approximately every 2 weeks. Were both 22 go to college and have jobs.

Sorry I forgot I mention that I came out of a loooong jealous relationship. I was cheated on mutiple times which further made me develop these problems.

Ok, here is my problem: She enjoys going out with her friends, going to bars and dance clubs. Now as I typing I can tell you I have no problem what-so-ever with her doing this. She gives me every reason to trust her. Always tells me who she is with or what she is doing. I don't have to ask she just does it. Now it doesn't happen every time but about once a week when she is out I start to get quiet which then turns to her asking me what's wrong. Take for example last night I told her that I really don't think she is ready for me. It was a dumb thing to say I know but it totally ruined last night for her and I. After about 10-15 minutes I realized how big of a I was and asked her to call me when she got home. Well we talked and I sincerely apologized and promised her it was never going to happen again. Now I want to live by my promise. Im tired of being needy, selfish, childish, whatever you want to call it. I know these types of things ruin relationships. I'm not trying to say were going to get married or anything but I don't want to lose this girl that easily. Any opinions are welcome :)

Trust her and leave it at that. No trust = no relationship.

Sounds like you're not busy enough either. I know you go to school and have a job. But do your own thing and see your friends. Part of you probably feels that while she's out having fun, you're sitting at home wishing you were having fun too, right?

Have you ever thought that because of your previous relationship being so harsh (cheating, lying, etc) you could possibly be trying to re-validate yourself and in return you are too desperate. Maybe dating someone 10 hours away isn't the best idea... I mean, if you had more options to choose from you would pick someone closer to you. Why date someone so far away. It sounds like its unfeasable to have a relationship long distance unless you have first had a relationship in proximity.


Also, you say she goes to the clubs and yada yada, then say you don't have a problem with it... well it sounds like from your previous relationship you DO have a problem with it. Just because you accept it and don't want to seem controlling / jealous doesn't mean you shouldn't evaluate how you actually feel.. Sounds like you'd be better off with a girl who is closer to you, and who you can hang out with and re-build the trust you lack from your previous relationship.

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Originally Posted by I wish

Sounds like you're not busy enough either. I know you go to school and have a job. But do your own thing and see your friends. Part of you probably feels that while she's out having fun, you're sitting at home wishing you were having fun too, right?

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No, between school, work, exercising, and friends I tend to stay rather busy. About going out, I try not to so much since it requires $$.

OP,

I think that YOU really are not ready for her.

If you don't want to lose her, and make problems, deal with your issues, and don't project your fears to her. LDR's are hard enough as it is, without putting extra stress on them.

Just think before you speak or act. Then you don't feel like a zip darn fool, and have to apologize for something you shouldn't have done, or said.

Threads merged

Well here is what happened. I've been in an LDR for around 3 monthes now. Things were going great up until I left from seeing her about 2 weeks ago. Since then everyday that passed I felt that she was slipping further and further from me.

So finally after thinking about it enough I finally asked her what was wrong. She came out and told me that she's scared to fall in love and isn't for sure if she's ready. Now 3 days from now I was planning on driving to see her (about 1,500 miles) round trip. So this kind of came as a huge blow to me. I politely asked her what she wanted to do and her response was
... I don't know. So the only thing I could think of at the time was lets take a break. I told her to take as much time but still get back with me about what she wanted to do. I said we can't talk as it won't help her decide what she wants.

Im pretty sure I did the right thing but something tells me I screwed up. Should I stay NC or still just send her a text a day saying something? We talked all day everyday. I would wake her up with a call we would text at work or school and then she would call me before she went to bed so NC is going to be VERY weird. Opinions?

I believe you did the right thing by giving her space and letting her have time to decide what she wants to do. Very mature of you...

If she is telling you she doesn't know what she wants and that she is scared to fall in love right now because she doesn't know if she is ready, then the best thing to do would be to give her time and let her figure this out for herself. Good work... :)

I'd say stay NC for now and let her make the first move, as she is the one who needed time to sort things out with herself. If you keep talking to her, then she won't really have had a break to figure out what she wants, and it would be like you are pushing her to make a decision.

Maybe forget the trip you planned and go hang out with friends, do something for yourself and enjoy, and if she gets back to you sometime, then that's cool. Just take it slow and see what happens and stay NC.

Good luck.. Peace :)

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Horth; Things were going great up until I left from seeing her about 2 weeks ago. Since then everyday that passed I felt that she was slipping further and further from me.

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Just by way of curiosity,what happened two weeks ago that you couldn't see her?I mean sometimes after the rosy beginning,the real test happens when there's a break in the rhythm of the relationship,which many people can't deal with.That starts a lot of misunderstanding,doubt,distance.Thats why I wanted to know,so that we could help you out better.

Yes more info please.

Two weeks ago is when I flew back from seeing her. I flew down there August 1'st and was with her for two weeks.

And the time you spent together was OK?no arguments etc?

You made a decision, stick by it.

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Originally Posted by amicon

and the time you spent together was ok?no arguments etc?

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No, it was unbelievable. I mean sure a lot of it was puppy love and what not but she's a great girl. The question I'm asking myself is if she saw me would it change her mind? I feel as though all these issues would be resolved but as tal said I made my decision.