My ex boyfriend broke up with me about a year ago. He said he loves me but wasn't in love with me. 6 months later he started going out with a girl that he was crazy about. Over the year we had no contact. A few days ago he called me and said he made a mistake by letting me go and that I was the best thing to happen to him. He got played by the other girl. It's been 2 months since she left him. Unfortunately I'm still in love with him. He wants us to be friends and wants to see if maybe he can love me the way I love him. Is he just taking advantage of my weakness for him? Am I being unfair to myself by letting him back in my life? Is it really stupid of me to hope that maybe this time around he'll love me?

Yes, unfortunately he is probably using you. Why now? Why is he willing to give you the time and energy he should have before? I'll tell you what I think. This woman he was "crazy about" has dumped him and now he needs a cusion to fall on. And that's where you come in. Whenever something like that happens to us, we either become a recluse, or we try to rebound. And that's what's happening . "He's willing"? As soon as he finds another girl like this other one, he's off. It's going to be like a horse race. In my opinion, he is most definitely using you. He's taking advantage of your good nature and love for him, and he should be ashamed. HE doesn't want to be alone and that's all this is. I hope you will have the strength to turn him down.

What are you going to do? Tell him no thanks, that you don't want to get hurt again, and used in the meanwhile.

You need to surround yourself with the people you love for protection and help.

Good luck to you.

I think he s attempting to use you as a rebound here.I d stay away from this-you re not over him yet and it sounds like a big red flag for more heartbreak.our exes are exes for a reason.Leave this-he s not what you need in your life.

He's probably feeling let down and hurt by the other girl.and what better way to boost his ego and show her she can be replaced easily!

That's where you come in..
Don't be a fool for this man,you are not his mammy,nor his blankie,tell to grow up and leave you the hell alone,because your busy being happy.

Tell him to move on,he lost his chance.. bye bye baby.

Yeah he's not even offering me a relationship. I told him that I feel like I'm being used for him to get over her. He said he is over her. And that if he really wanted to use someone, there are plenty of other girls to choose from so he wouldn't need to come back to me.he wants to be in my life as a friend and see where it can go. I just feel like an option. I see what you guys are saying. There's no guarantee that he will feel the same way about me so I'll probably be holding onto false hopes. The heartache isn't worth it and I really don't need his friendship. The only thing that's holding me back is my love for him. Why can't I be stronger? I've already lived 1 year without him.

You would be foolish to make a decision like this based solely on feelings. Rationale would tell you that he comes hopping back into your life when he feels lonely. He made ZERO attempt to contact you while he was dating this other girl, so why all the sudden this new resurgence of feelings?

It isn't fair to just be "friends" while you are still in love with him. I also wonder what his idea of "friends" is, as I am sure it includes sex and all the other stuff without the attachment on his part. Seems like a cool set up for him, but a raw deal for you.

Be strong-Im pretty sure you realise this is a nonstarter.

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Is he just taking advantage of my weakness for him? Am I being unfair to myself by letting him back in my life? Is it really stupid of me to hope that maybe this time around he'll love me?

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Yes, yes and yes. Unfortunately, you're his 'plan B.' Is that really how you want to be treated, as a backup? So things didn't work out with his "first choice" so he falls back on you? Not a good deal in my opinion. Steer clear of it.

It's not him using you. It's you allowing him back into your life.

You already closed the book on this guy, why open it again? How long will he stick around this time? You don't want to be his safety net. How long do you think he will stick around before he finds someone else again? Too many insecurity issues.

If you really care about him that much and you want to give him a chance, he's constantly going to be on a short leesh. The trust level between the two of you is already so thin, it can break anytime. Why put yourself through this again?

I don't thinks he's necessarily TRYING to use you, as much as he's on the rebound and he knows how you felt/ feel about him. His ex played him and he knows you're safe and wouldn't do that. If you really do want him in your life, keep him as just a friend for as long as you can. See if he still thinks he feels that way after a while. Give him more time to heal.

There is no physical contact between us, no sex/hugs/kisses. I do care about him and love him but it's not possible to just be his friend without any attachment. I've tried a couple of times to just stop all contact but he keeps trying and then I get weak again and let him in. he has an answer for everything and I keep falling for it. On the one hand I don't want to just wait around hoping that he will be in love with me one day but I also fear that I might always wonder what could have happened if I just let him go now.

You are in completely control of this situation. You should not do anything that you are uncomfortable with, including sex/hugs/kisses.

If you are happy with his progres + effort, then you can give him chances.

We just want to point out that you broke up for a reason. If those reasons are still present, then things can blow up again. So make sure that things get fixed before you move forward.

That is the issue, as I Wish has stated (had to spread the rep). You seem to be making a choice based mostly on your emotions, but in reality do YOU think you to could actually work out again? I will say that once someone falls out of love with you it is VERY hard to replace that to even half of what it was. You need to protect yourself and think with caution.

Yeah that's the problem. I can't get my head and heart to agree. My brain is telling me to run but my heart is making me emotionally weak. I guess it all comes down to doing what's best for me in the long run and not anyone else. If his love for me wasn't strong enough during the two years we were together, it would probably be next to impossible for him to feel strongly about me now. Life isn't a movie after all. I just need strength to stick to my decision.

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Originally Posted by Jenn24

If his love for me wasnt strong enough during the two years we were together, it would probably be next to impossible for him to feel strongly about me now. .

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Like I said before, he's on the rebound, And I really do agree with this statement. But remember that sometimes peolple change. So even if the chances are small that he'll actually care for you, they're still possible. People's experiences can really help them with making future decisions. IE "Don't do that again" So maybe he really has realized that he cared for you. But DO not move too quickly with him right now. Keep the relationship simple, no matter how complicated your feelings are toward him. Maybe he isn't the type of guy to use a woman, maybe he is. Either way, you have to decide for yourself if he's telling the truth or not.

Why open up old wounds? The more you talk to him, the weaker you seem to get so stop the contact, and be stronger for it.

You have feelings and your not sure of his, but isn't that what broke you up before?

What's changed since then? That's right, he got dumped by someone who played him, and so he comes back to old softie for support. Until he feels better.

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My brain is telling me to run but my heart is making me emotionally weak.

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Listen to your brain, its trying to protect your heart.

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Originally Posted by Jenn24

life isn't a movie after all. i just need strength to stick to my decision.

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I think you need to get back to no contact. Reconnecting with him has given you a rush of emotions, but at the end of the day, you realize that it's not a good idea to revisit that part of your past.

Cut all ties with so that you can move on with your life. If you stay in contact, you will continue to over-analyze all the signs and details, which isn't healthy.

There's lots of sage advice here from the other people. My hope is that you've taken it to heart and are either giving yourself space or cutting ties with this fellow. I'll add the following two things.
First, my own experience as a man. Years ago, I left a girlfriend for someone else. It was only after a few months that I realised that the new girl was a nightmare. Immediately, I started missing my ex. I dug around and found out that she was already dating someone new. I was crushed. But part of me knew that I was looking to her as an out from my current situation, and in the back of my mind, I knew that if I had gone back to her, I would have ended up back in the same place. Though I can't guarantee it, I bet I would have broken up with her again had she taken me back. I needed to learn some things and grow up, and to this day I'm grateful that things went as they did. I can't say he's the same situation, but history does not bode well for you two having a happy future.
The second thing is, as has been pointed out, you're running thick with emotions. Your emotions are not always interested in what is best for you--they just want to feel what they feel, and they'll feed themselves any way they can. This is where giving yourself space is essential. It allows you to have some objectivity without those drugs pumping through your system. If he really wants to be with you, he'll respect this and not go running away in the meantime. And if you can use this as an opportunity to start to examine how you work with those emotions, and to experiment with not acting based on them, then all the better. No worries if that's too much right now.
And keep in mind, people don't always mean to do things like use people, but it doesn't mean they don't still do it.

That's a great post.you re a wise person.

Thank you all for your great insights. I decided to cut off all ties with him. I realized that he's simply not the same person I fell in love with and no matter what, I would always feel like his back up plan. Trust would always be an issue and love would just not be enough. I did speak with him one last time to explain why it isn't healthy for me to keep him in my life. He didn't understand but I have to do whatever it takes to make myself happy. He was my first love and I really haven't felt the same about anyone else since we broke up a year ago. I will be able to fall in love again, right?