The title says it all I guess.ok,my problem is,that I have abandonment issues,so every time I start to date a new man,I end up sabotaging the wole thing doing something stupid.like for example,if I'm in a relationship with anyone new,and he doesn't call me for a few days, little voice in my head says that this man doesn't love me nymore and he wants to leave me,but doesn't know how to do it,and so I wind up telling them how I feel.or I will send him a text saying if he wants to leave me then he should do it in my face and not ignore me for days,and end up feeling like an idiot when it turns to be a missunderstanding.but he will break up with me after this obviously.and I do that every single time.also,if he wants to be with hi friends ll the time,I get jealous of why he is spending so much time with them,and little with me etc.
And after every relationship I can't stay alone,so I look for someone new,and repeat this thing all over again.I feel so tired and I don't know what's wrong with me.I mean,why do I do this every single time?please help me?I want to solve this issue.

You already know the solution. It is in your statement above. Stop sabotaging yourself. You have to want to stop doing it more than you want to do it. Im sure you can find a counsellor who can work on this with you - you have great insight and naming your problem is the beginning of recovery from it. I think you are in a very good position.

You can a good relationship,but first you have to have one with yourself..

The more secure you are in yourself the less you will need the attention of a man in a relationship...

Your being needy..

Work on yourself esteem,don't date for a few months,build up your confidence,and when you decide your ready to date,just take it slow,no saying I love you after 2 weeks!
Do not call him unless your returning his call.

You know where your making the mistakes,so just stop!

Again,take a break from dating and work on you for a while.

artlady agrees: Exactly,I titally agree.You can not be good in a relationship until you are good alone.And alone need never mean lonely!
Wow ! I can't believe I titally agree :)

At least your seeing a pattern. Now all you have to do is break that pattern. For one deal with your own issues, and stay away from situations that bring that kind of thinking back to you.

At the heart of this seems to be how you act, or react, when you don't get enough attention from a guy to be reassured, and it seems you need a lot of attention to feed your insecurity.

Think well before you speak, or act, and on top of that, you really need to prove to yourself that you can be loved, and to do that, you have to love yourself. Then you will not depend on someone else, nor put them on such a pedestal, that you want them more than they want you.

Stay out of relationships until you have built a life that you enjoy, and makes you happy. This is key to having enough balance in life, to not become overly attached, and needy, and it will give you a better perspective on the actions of others, and yourself. You also put yourself above unnecessary people who don't want what you want.

You can do this with time, and by being patient with yourself, as it's a process that takes work, and a lot of it.

You can change, if you really want to, so let being happy with yourself, and your life motivate you.

Good luck.

Putting stability in your life and getting rid of unstable relationshiops will help,I'm thinking its not just a proublem with the guys.. how are things with your friends? Family?
Start with one thing you know will stay with you this could be a plant ,pet anything
Then move from there

I really do think I should take a break from dating,I mean,all of this is going to drive me out of my mind and I have to take time just for me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rose246

i really do think i should take a break from dating,i mean,all of this is gonna drive me outta my mind and i have to take time just for me.

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That's a good plan.

Best of luck.