I'm 17 and my ex is currently 18. I just began my last year of HS and she began her first year of college. We're never really more than 6 miles away from each other since we go to school in the same town. We've been dating for about 1.5 years. We never argued until the beginning of 2009 or so. We were sexually active with each other and we both wanted to get married and have children. This past June I found out she cheated on me with one of my friends a few weeks earlier. She said she thought I was going to break up with her, but I never felt I showed that and I never thought about doing it. If anything, she was the one acting distant.
She said she wanted us to work, so I forgave her and we tried to move on. She told me she needed a break from us a week later. I took it seriously and became very understanding and even discussed rules for the break with her. Although I was doing all the talking.. she barely spoke up about what she needed. So the break goes on.. we speak a little bit each day. Good morning's, goodnight's, I love you's. Until one day I hear nothing from her. Freaking out, I drive to her house. Her parents tell me she's at a friend's house. She never goes to a friends house so I knew exactly where she was. I drive to his house and find her there. Enraged as I am start yelling at her at the top of my lungs as she walks out with her head down. I find out she's been having sex with him. I talked to her that night and the next few days. I don't even remember why or what we talked about. But it was about everything that happened and it was tense. I should have just threw her out of my life, but I held on to her. I didn't want to believe this happened and I still told her I wanted to be with her. My first serious relationship coming to an end so it was a buffet of bad decisions made by me.
She said she was torn between me and him. I gave her a choice and after a few days, she said she picked me. She didn't seem overjoyed, but she felt relieved. She said she would cut contact with him but she wanted me to tell him that she wanted to be with me. Because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. I thought it was weird but I did it anyway. We lasted a week as you could have guessed before she broke up with me again. Telling me she wanted to be my best friend but the other guy makes her happy and I don't. Yet after the breakup, she never got back together with him. That week I did bring back things she'd done to hurt me almost every day when I felt enraged about it..
So yeah, she broke up with me, I became depressed for a few days afterwards then all of a sudden I quit talking to her. No contact out of the blue without telling her. Within the day, she kept texting and texting begging for me to talk to her. Saying things like "I think Ive made the wrong decision", "I guess it's that easy to throw me away..", "I have changed my mind, but I guess you dont want to have anything to do with me...". And things like that. I wanted her so bad, but I was on guard for anything. We made a date together and we went to a local park. I dressed up a little and she dressed in this beautiful summer dress and we spent the day taking photos of the animals, ponds, woods, etc. There was no tension at all that date. It was like none of this had ever happened. I took her home and gave her a kiss and she embraced me for a few minutes. She said that she wanted to be mine again. I told her that I didn't know. That we both would have a lot of work to do if we really wanted to make this work.
The month and a half afterwards was incredible. We began to make love again. It was easily the best sex we've had. She acted so happy around me, clinging to me, hugging on to me, wanting to come over every other day. She was going on a trip to Virginia to visit family friends for about 5 days and before she left she told me that when she came back, she was going to give me a lot of kisses, hugs, love (just sweet things that she normally said).
So she left for her trip. Up to the mountains in virginia. We had no way of contact. She told me she would text and call me everyday, but it didn't happen. She said it was because she had no reception. This time away from her, I began to get paranoid. A few days into her vacation something just hit me. I got this gut feeling. The feeling I got back in June when I know something isn't right. My paranoia took over me and I started with things like "I guess you dont want to talk to me then.." and it progressed to more and more stuff like "are you going to break up with me?". And I told her I felt like I did in June, and I told her to please understand that even though it is forgiven and forgotten, there are still going to be lingering thoughts. And that I will just need her reassurance and love to get through it. It kept up for about a week after she came back on Aug. 17th. Everything became weirder and weirder.. she all of a sudden had no time to spend with me.. Every day was chores, cooking dinner, etc when she never had that keeping us apart. We hung out 2 days since she came back the 17th and had sex one of those days, it seemed normal.
Around the time college started (Aug 25th), She wouldn't text me, call me, talk to me except for a few minutes each day. I kept telling her about this gut feeling. That I knew something was wrong and I kept asking and asking and she kept telling me I was just paranoid. That she wasn't going to break up with me or have a repeat of June. I didn't insult her or anything about this gut feeling. I just needed to communicate this problem to her and talk about it. She didn't seem to understand that.
August 27th she broke up with me. She told me that she needs to focus on education and that we had our whole lives ahead of us. That she doesn't want to think about marriage or kids right now. When she broke up with me she told me I was immature and irresponsible. Because she lives with a family who make her do all the chores and cook every night for them. And I'm fortunate to live in a house where all 4 of my family members equally take responsibility for chores. I told her this and she kept saying "That's good". She said I didn't take initiative one time when my dog peed on the floor and she stepped in it. At the time it happened, I remember that I was looking around the house for something important and that I needed it quickly. That's why I didn't stop and clean the ing mess up. I told her that. I disproved every reason she had to believe I was irresponsible and immature. It was a shock to me because my family and I knew SHE was always the immature one.
I think this college is getting to her head. She's been stressed to hell about it for the last week of our relationship and it's turned her into some cavalier person. And she's pushing everyone close to her away. Enough of her attitude post-breakup...
So she broke up with me, I quit talking to her. I ignored the few texts she sent apologizing for insulting how my family runs things here and wishing me a good day at school and that she still cares about me. I haven't returned a sing message she's sent to me on my phone and computer, which hasn't been too many. Just messages wanting to talk to me. Like we're going to have this great friendship after she broke up with me. Like she can have all the benefits of having me in her life without commitment.
No. F'ing. Way. I love her to death, but these breakups just keep getting easier and easier. Right now I feel fine. I get the occasion sadness, longing for the good times. But I soon realize that the person I fell in love with is not the person she's been for the past 3 months. I realized I don't miss her, I miss who she used to be. I miss the thought of having someone who loved me and wanted me as much as I wanted her. That is why it has been so easy to get her out of my life. Because I realized she is no longer the person I knew. Or maybe she was never the person I thought I knew. Doesn't matter now, it's over with and I'm doing good.
I did bring back her bathing suit yesterday that was still at my house. I left it on the backdoor, knocked and backed out of her driveway (I knocked because I cared enough to make sure she got it immediately and that no insect made its home in her suit). She stood outside after I had backed out and stared at me. I stared back for a few second then drove away. Later on that day she sent a text thanking me for bringing it back and asked why I didn't knock to come in and talk. I didn't respond to it and remember, I haven't responded to anything since the breakup 3 days ago.
Well this is where Im at now. I feel good, I feel I can get her out of my life. I understand a lot of things I didn't during this process and Im not going to list it all here since Ive already said too much as it is.
I guess the reason Im typing this here is to see what everyone else believes her feelings and motives were during this whole thing. Still haven't talked to her and the urge to is very minimal. From all of your experiences, why do you believe she did the things she did, said the things she did.
I believe I've been used to the point it's just funny to me now that I see it all clearly. I do still feel the pain, but I know I'm doing the right thing by cutting off all contact with her. I still love her and I'm still in love with her, but I believe it'll all soon go away.
