Ask Me Help Desk - OVERprotective parents

Being STUPID me... earlier this year, I told my parents that my friend had sex. Because of that my parents really don't like my friends. They want me to be with friends that don't party, and have fun... They think my friends are bad influences on me. And they really aren't! They are great friends and I love them. And I love to party and go out with my friends, but my parents are so afraid... and so overprotective.. they hate it when I party.

My parents won't give me a cell phone [AND I'M 17] so a boy had to call my house to get in touch with me. Now my parents are freaking out and they think I am having sex with him [which I AM NOT]...

I feel so overwhelmed, angry, and I feel like I have no one to talk to.

Seriously, they are being parents.
You are seventeen. You want a cell phone? Get a job, that's what I had to do. Just be glad you can have people call the house, I wasn't allowed to get personal calls until I was 16.

Your friends are having sex. You claim you aren't. If you aren't and they are, then they are bad influences.
I'm not sure what your definition of "party" is, but whatever it is, your parents don't have to let you do that either. They don't like it, but they are still letting you go, be thankful for that.

If you don't know how to have fun without "partying" then you are missing out on a lot in life.

A good friend doesn't mean a good influence.
You have parents who care, be glad about that. And, no matter what you think, you are still young and they are right. If you don't believe me, go browsing through the "teens" "dating" "relationship" and "pregnancy and new motherhood" forums here.
You will see unprescedented numbers of kids just like you, who let their hormones get the best of them, and did something they regreted. They thought they wouldn't be just like everyone else, but they were wrong.
What makes you different? Nothing.

Just be glad your parents care about you. It's really not that bad. You try to make it look bad, but it really doesn't even look bad the way you put it.

I am curious though, you say "they think I am having sex". How exactly do you know that's what they think? Have you tried talking with them about it?

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My parents won't give me a cell phone [AND I'M 17] so a boy had to call my house to get in touch with me.

Give you? It's not their responsibility to "give" you anything. If you want a cell phone then get a job and buy one yourself. You're 17, old enough to work for the things you want.

HOn, if you are partying, your parents need to be doing what they are doing. You are not acting responsibly at all. They want what's best for you.

How do I know? I'm 19, I know how you feel. But I found other things to do. Plus, partying is just an excuse to feel like you're around people who like you. Most of them aren't really GOOD friend to you. Anyway, you'll figure it out, if you keep partying you're bounde to get screwed over by someone. Sorry to be so harsh but it's true. You're too young. And even for adults, there's really no reason for the behavior that most people display when they're partying anyway. Find a REAL life with MEANING. Partying gets oyu nowhere, and you'll almost certainly lose those friends.

I agree so much with all of you. But at the same time, parents should trust their kids unless theere is a clear reason for not trusting them. Yes parents do need to intervene and be part of their child's life. But when you will be an adult in a YEAR, they need to let you make some of your own decisions. That's how we learn. It is only human to learn from our own mistakes and not others' mistakes necessarily.

As long as you are not letting your friends negatively influence you, your parents should see that. Try to party less. I have a ton of friends that are great people and amazing friends, that also make a ton of major mistakes. But their mistakes define them, not me. And my parents understand that. Show your parents you are your own person. Decide to do stay home and study and skip a party or two. It won't ruin your life if your friends are really that great. It will show responsibility. And it they may gain more respect for you.

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Originally Posted by jaimie02

Yes parents do need to intervene and be part of their child's life. but when you will be an adult in a YEAR, they need to let you make some of your own decisions. thats how we learn. it is only human to learn from our own mistakes and not others' mistakes necessarily.

True, But just because age says you're an adult, doesn't mean that you are one or that you act like one. If they don't trust her then there's probably a chance that she has done something in the past to make them feel like they can't trust her. A lot of the time, (not all of the time) when a parent doesn't trust a child, it's because the child has lied to them or done something untrustworthy. Trust is one thing that can take a long time to re-gain as well. There's a whole lot more I could say about the matter, but to put it simply, maybe if she spent time with people that were more trustworthy and responsible her parents would trust her more. It's only natrual that a parent would wonder what their kid is doing when they're alone with friends that aren't trustworthy. THey never know. Surround yourself with positive people and you'll get positive results.

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Originally Posted by avaanstar

my parents are so afraid... and so overprotective.. they hate it when I party.

Try being the first child of a fundamentalist minister. I could not even go to high school dances. Dancing, my father said, was the work of the devil and would inflame passion in someone. Passion was evil for teenagers. The little farm town we lived in was 7 miles away from any parties that my classmates and friends were having, and since my family had only one car that was mostly for my father's use, I stayed home -- although during basketball season I did get to go on the school bus to away games. :)

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My parents won't give me a cell phone [AND I'M 17] so a boy had to call my house to get in touch with me.

You should have grown up with me -- there was no private place in our house to talk on the phone (it was in the kitchen), and we had party lines. Several families shared phone lines. If you wanted to use the phone, you'd carefully pick up the receiver to listen for a voice. If there was no one talking, the line was free and you could make a call, BUT anyone on your line could pick up the receiver and listen to whatever you said. That meant every mother and grandmother and auntie in town knew what every teenage girl was up to if she mentioned it over the phone.

No one owes you a cell phone. Like others have said, babysit or find other jobs in order to earn the money for a cell. The pay-as-you-go idea seems to work better than a contract, from what I hear. My flip phone cost $89, and I spend about $60 a month for calls.