Ask Me Help Desk

Im kind of having a problem. The problem is about my ex. I still love her and I miss her. She left me about half a year ago and I have stopped all contact with her for about 5 months now. It's a suggestion people gave me, to move on with my life and to do the things I want to in life. I have gotten better from the heart break, started to have more friends and more of a social life, working towards my dreams more.

I have known this girl for roughly 5 years and she cheated and left me for another guy. So yah I haven't contacted for almost half a year and I'm starting to think this is stupid even though everyone have told me not to contact her ever again. I feel like I still love her and miss her and this is stupid. Like I should fight for her and its now or never but at the same time I don't want someone who doesn't want me back. At the same time I feel like the right thing to do is to never contact her again but I feel like contacting her. I know its contradicting, I don't know how else to explain it.

Anyway what do you think I should do?

Thanks

By this time you should have moved on
You need to do some deep inside perspective as to why you have not
You have heard everything "theres more fish in the sea" etc etc your NOT listening why?

Let me put it another way
What if she died 5 months ago?
Would you not be ready for dating?
Or moving on? This isn't the mother of your children its not your wife it's a girlfriend that had ZERO respect for you so she cheated and left you... shes dead to you
Now live with it!

The way you're feeling is normal. It's hard to get over a lost love, but that's what you have to do.

What do you hope to accomplish if you contact her? She made it very clear that she doesn't give a damn about you, so why give her the chance to hurt you again?

No contact is the best way to go. Along with no contact comes the great feat of moving on. It's not easy, been there, done that, but it is possible.

Five months may seem like a life time, but obviously you need more time. You think you've moved on, but you haven't, now's the time to actually do it.

Leave her where she belongs, in the past, look to the future.

I really should be writing hallmark cards. ;)

Good luck.

Hey guys thanks for replying.

I know what you guys are trying to say and I totally agree. I guess deep down somewhere in my heart just hopes for me and her to be together but I know that is not possible anymore. I still feel sad sometimes.

She was my first love. Sometimes I just want to give into temptation to contact her but that would just mean my 5 months of no contact would be a waste. It would just bring pain back to me.

I just don't know what to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LifeAfterYou

Hey guys thanks for replying.

I know what you guys are trying to say and i totally agree. I guess deep down somewhere in my heart just hopes for me and her to be together but i know that is not possible anymore. I still feel sad sometimes.

She was my first love. Sometimes i just want to give into temptation to contact her but that would just mean my 5 months of no contact would be a waste. It would just bring pain back to me.

I just dont know what to do.

You do what you've been doing, no contact.

If you were to contact her you'd start at square one, you'd lose everything you've gained in the last 5 months.

First loves, first heartbreaks, they suck, big time. It's a right of passage, happens to all of us, and we've all survived, so will you.

Just do what you're doing. If you have a weak moment, hear my post in your head, it's saying "don't do it!". ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

You do what you've been doing, no contact.

If you were to contact her you'd start off at square one, you'd lose everything you've gained in the last 5 months.

First loves, first heartbreaks, they suck, big time. It's a right of passage, happens to all of us, and we've all survived, so will you.

Just do what you're doing. If you have a weak moment, hear my post in your head, it's saying "don't do it!". ;)

Thanks Altenweg means a lot.

Ever since the break up I've been doing all the things I wanted to but never had time when I was with her. My social life is also getting better. I think I've matured and learned a lot through the break up.

Now I'm just wondering when the next girl is going to come into my life but I want to be completely moved on before I meet her. How do you know when you have completely moved on?

And also all those sappy songs aren't really helping me and I'm still listening to it. ><

Quote:

Originally Posted by LifeAfterYou

Thanks Altenweg means alot.

Ever since the break up i've been doing all the things i wanted to but never had time when i was with her. My social life is also getting better. I think i've matured and learned alot through the break up.

Now im just wondering when the next girl is gonna come into my life but i want to be completely moved on before i meet her. How do you know when you have completely moved on?

And also all those sappy songs arent really helping me and im still listening to it. ><

How do you know you've moved on? That's easy.

You've moved on when you can accept that she's with someone other then you.

You've moved on when you remember the good times you had and look forward to having other good times with someone else.

You've moved on when you run across a picture of her and the only thing you notice is that it was taken at your favorite restaurant and now you want to go there for dinner.

You've moved on when she texts you and instead of responding, you continue doing what you were doing and then forget about the text.

Stop listening to sappy songs, go out, have fun, meet people. Trust me, you'll get there, it just takes time and patience. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

You do what you've been doing, no contact.

If you were to contact her you'd start off at square one, you'd lose everything you've gained in the last 5 months.

First loves, first heartbreaks, they suck, big time. It's a right of passage, happens to all of us, and we've all survived, so will you.

Just do what you're doing. If you have a weak moment, hear my post in your head, it's saying "don't do it!". ;)

They do SUCK BIG TIME, I've been in contact with my ex boyfriend on and off for 6 months since he broke up with me, and all I've accomplished with this has been pain, pain and more deep pain, because he doesn't wants me back. I was very mean to him after he broke up with me because I just couldn't control my anger and my resent, I tolds him I hated him with all my soul , I called him a jerk, I told him that he was a fake , that his emotions towards me were never real, a player, cause he played with my emotions. Like really hurtful things. My unconscious anger was so that I didn't even realize I was hurting him as well by telling him all that. He never replied with one bad word, maybe because ha wasn't mad at me or because he really respected me, I hate to say this but he kept his dignity, and I did not, and that makes me feel like sh** because I really regret everything a told him.

He was mu fist love, mu first heartbreak, I've never felt such an awful pain in my life, it was something new to me and I lost control of myself. I know better now. Something that hurt me really really bad was when just recently he text me " I wanted to get back to you SO BAD but after everything that you told, it;s hard to see you the same way". This made me feel like the worst person in the world. I wish he hadn't said that to me.

Its been 6 crappy months for me, same as you, half a year. I've had sleepless nights, I've shed so may tears, I've lost 10 pounds because I don't feel like eating, ( I am already really thin), I felt into a big depression. But honestly Imade all this time crappy and hurtful as hell because I didn't respect my NC. I had to hit rock bottom and realize that what I was doing was damaging me physically and emotionally, that he does not wants me back and that never will. I've been having such a hard time forgetting myself for my behaviour after the breakup and a hardest time letting go of my ex.

But I just can't keep on hurting myself, I can't keep on sulfurating my wound, I need to let heal, so I can be myself again. This break really knocked me down and I promise to myself I won't let this happen to me again.

You have been doing such a great job by keeping NC. Keep on with it. I will respect NC now , not to get HIM back , but to get ME back. To fall in love with myself again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by COCADA

You have been doing such a great job by keeping NC. Keep on with it. I will respect NC now , not to get HIM back , but to get ME back. To fall in love with myself again.

So there you go and the Nc will work for you

Your doing great without her and whatever has stirred those old feelings up about her will pass, so just stay on the path of NC and don't give in to the temptation to contact her.

Quote:

Now I'm just wondering when the next girl is going to come into my life but I want to be completely moved on before I meet her. How do you know when you have completely moved on?

When your ready for the next romance to begin. I think your closer than you think since your wondering about it. Keep moving forward and you will get there.

Stick with not contacting her. "Fighting" for her will never work. Live your life, knowing that this is a chapter in your past, never to be re-opened.

A sudden contact after FIVE months is just weird almost stalking you shouldn't be spending any more time thinking about her than you did your first little girlfriend in grade school MOVE ON