This should probably go in the Relationships section, but I really need some Christian points of view.

Me and my boyfriend have been together about a year. We are really happy together, with great communication and trust and admiration and respect for each other. We are long distance right now, so we talk on the phone every day and get to see each other about every 3 weeks.

We both are Christians. I was raised non-denominational and have a pretty strong Christian background. My boyfriend was raised Catholic and it was very shoved down his throat (he even went to a Catholic elementary school) and now he is still a Christian, believes in God and Jesus as his savior, but is very private with his beliefs.

We've never really been as spiritually connected as we are mentally and emotionally, and lately I've been experiencing really terrible anxiety and it's drawn me much closer to God. I've been praying, reading my Bible, and have gotten involved in a Christian book study.
I really really want to grow spiritually with my boyfriend, and I've discussed it with him, and so we've started praying with each other every night. We're going to go to church together when I go visit him in 2 weeks. And we also discussed being abstinent until we get married, we are going to try and commit to it, because I really am sure that this is the man I want to marry, and I know I want to please God and do what is best for our relationship. He is 100% open to the idea of waiting till marriage from this point on, but he is doing it because I want it, not necessarily because he thinks sex before marriage is wrong.

Do you guys think that as we continue to try and grow spiritually, and as we journey down this path together, that it is OK to marry someone who isn't on the same page spiritually as you? I mean, I might be a little further down the path in seeking God and knowing Him than my boyfriend is. Do you think, if he is open to it and seeks God as well, that it is OK for us to get married?
I guess I've had this idea pounded into my head that the man MUST be the spiritual leader and be farther down the path to God than the wife. And my boyfriend is an AMAZING man, my best friend, and a huge source of happiness in my life. I am focusing on making God the strength and foundation of my life, and growing spiritually with my boyfriend.
Before I started to get closer to God, I was 100% ready to marry my boyfriend. Now I'm worried that because we might be at different places spiritually it means I shouldn't want to be with him.

I guess I could just use some advice/insights on this whole issue. :confused:

Even after marriage you will find your relationship to ebb and flow as you both will grow emotionally and spiritually at different rates. If the most important thing to you is his happiness and his most important thing is your happiness it will work. Spend time in prayer together even if its on the phone. Ask God for guidance and be willing to accept the answer and not keep asking till you get the answer you want. A relationship with God is nothing to be ashamed of and his private worship has me concerned. Pray with and for him. Nothing wrong with the Catholic faith but sometimes it becomes a matter of mechanics rather than a relationship. The name on the building is not what matters, it's who you claim as Savior, and LORD.
God Bless,
Eric

As long as he is not holding you back spiritually and is supportive and not hindering you then I don't see a problem.

Ashriel, everyone's relationship with GOD is different. If he's a good man, and has good qualities don't reject him because you feel that you're a little further in your walk than he is. Concentrate on you and your relationship with GOD. When he sees the changes in you and your life, it will draw him in and make him want to know GOD more. One thing that we do sometimes as christian people is try to change them into who we think they should be. We can not change each other we can only change us. Christ himself won't force people to come to him. He gives us free will to come to him when we are ready. So ashriel, your heart is right your desire is to please GOD that's awesome. Just pray for him in secret and let the holy spirit do the rest . Blessings to you. Your friend flayvur.!

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Originally Posted by Ashriel

This should probably go in the Relationships section, but I really need some Christian points of view.

Me and my boyfriend have been together about a year. We are really happy together, with great communication and trust and admiration and respect for each other. We are long distance right now, so we talk on the phone every day and get to see each other about every 3 weeks.

We both are Christians. I was raised non-denominational and have a pretty strong Christian background. My boyfriend was raised Catholic and it was very shoved down his throat (he even went to a Catholic elementary school) and now he is still a Christian, believes in God and Jesus as his savior, but is very private with his beliefs.

We've never really been as spiritually connected as we are mentally and emotionally, and lately I've been experiencing really terrible anxiety and it's drawn me much closer to God. I've been praying, reading my Bible, and have gotten involved in a Christian book study.
I really really want to grow spiritually with my boyfriend, and I've discussed it with him, and so we've started praying with each other every night. We're going to go to church together when I go visit him in 2 weeks. And we also discussed being abstinent until we get married, we are going to try and commit to it, because I really am sure that this is the man I want to marry, and I know I want to please God and do what is best for our relationship. He is 100% open to the idea of waiting till marriage from this point on, but he is doing it because I want it, not necessarily because he thinks sex before marriage is wrong.

Do you guys think that as we continue to try and grow spiritually, and as we journey down this path together, that it is ok to marry someone who isn't on the same page spiritually as you? I mean, I might be a little further down the path in seeking God and knowing Him than my boyfriend is. Do you think, if he is open to it and seeks God as well, that it is ok for us to get married?
I guess I've had this idea pounded into my head that the man MUST be the spiritual leader and be farther down the path to God than the wife. And my boyfriend is an AMAZING man, my best friend, and a huge source of happiness in my life. I am focusing on making God the strength and foundation of my life, and growing spiritually with my boyfriend.
Before I started to get closer to God, I was 100% ready to marry my boyfriend. Now I'm worried that because we might be at different places spiritually it means I shouldn't want to be with him.

I guess I could just use some advice/insights on this whole issue. :confused:

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You could try not to bring preconcieved notions of where someone is spiritually into your relationship. Your boyfriend may not be called to be a Pastor and exhibit an outgoing spirituality. His upbringing will have impacted on him, Catholics are not noted for being able to lead in prayer and express their spirituality. Being unequally yoked doesn't mean being at different places in your walk, it means not having the same beliefs. You both believe in Jesus, this is what is important. If your friend persists in Christ he will grow and eventually overtake you, particularly once he has a family and assumes the priest of his household role

Ashriel,
I must mostly agree with paraclete.
However, I am a Catholic and I do know how to lead in prayer as many others do.
It is wonderful to pray together. It is nice to have one another lead from time to time.
It is a great way so witness what is important at that moment on the leader's mind.
An old saying that is quite true is, "People who pray together stay together".
Peace and kindness,
Fred

First of all, through the whole bible there is no ceremony of a wedding only celebrations of marriage.
There is no law telling us that a wedding should be like this or like that.Isn't that strange?
Even Jesus was present only at a wedding celebration at Kana and not in any kind of ceremony.The ceremony takes place in our hearts and God is performing it!!
So, sex before marriage, there is no such thing because to God the minute I have sex with someone I am married to that person.
Sex outside marriage ( meaning having sex other than your husband/wife)does exist and it is called adultery.
Different level of spirituality should not worry us since both parts belong to Christ and only He knows.
Really, how is spirituality measured? Only the heart can tell how much of it belongs to Jesus and the only one who can see the depths of our hearts is Jesus.
Philippians 2:3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

Odd sense of morality. Something taken from bronze age Palastine that is suppose to have some relevance today.

Getting married is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in your life. With that said, you definitely need to have peace about this life-long decision. From what I have read, you sound like you know what you need to do, but you are afraid of the answer.

First, husbands and wives will not always agree but as a whole, their Christian values should be closely the same if not the same. Also, as far as Christian maturity, it will always be at different levels, but what is important is that there will be constant growth toward knowing God.

Here are some pre-marriage issues to think about.

1. What am I hearing God say? If yes with relationship, then ask God for wisdom in what you need to do. If no, then end it with integrity and respect. Remember, if you both are to eventually be married to someone else, then God has someone for you both that will "fit" you perfectly.

2. If someone asked you this same question, how would you answer them? Consider the answers that you would give. Are your answers that you would give someone else different than what you want someone to tell you.

3. Do both of you share the same values? Is God a top priority? What are your Christian priorities? These values should be the same or very similar or you can expect issues to arise later through out your marriage. It is hard to change another person when they are firm in their belief. How important is it that your partner view important issues the same as you?

4. What are your long-term goals as a couple? Children? Finances? Marriage is more than skin-deep. There are many responsibilities that go with it.

5. Lastly, there are several Christian books that help couples that are contemplating marriage. I would suggest reading Finding the Love of Your Life by Neil Clark Warren. Both of you read it. Be honest about what God is showing you.

There is nothing wrong with letting a girlfriend go, or a boyfriend go even when we think they are the "right" one. The most important thing is, "Is this person the one that God has chosen for me?"

Also, talk openly with your boyfriend about these issues. Find out what kinds of questions he may have. If you are having difficulty getting these things dissolved now, you will probably have trouble dealing with the "other issues" that will come along in marriage.

Courting is a learning and growing process for both you and him. Make good memories on every journey that God puts you on. Here is a verse from Proverbs 16:9 - A man's heart devises his way, but the Lord directs his steps.

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Originally Posted by cadillac59

Odd sense of morality. Something taken from bronze age Palastine that is suppose to have some relevance today.

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So you think that we are so far removed that it couldn't apply to us. Don't you realise that the vast majority of the population of this world live in conditions not far removed from the conditions in Palistine two thousand years ago. Even the more developed countries have pockets of squalor worse that that. Technology doesn't remove you from doing the same things they did, and being part of the wealthy 5% doesn't remove you from behaving the same way, in fact, it might condemn you to it. So you drive a car and they rode a donkey, So you have running water and they had a well, so your road is not dusty and covered in the dung of animals and you read by electric light and wear fine clothes, but in two thousand years you have not evolved at all, you are still human, subject to all the human frailties described in the Bible and your thinking stinks

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Originally Posted by paraclete

So you think that we are so far removed that it couldn't apply to us. Don't you realise that the vast majority of the population of this world live in conditions not far removed from the conditions in Palistine two thousand years ago. Even the more developed countries have pockets of squalor worse that that. Technology doesn't remove you from doing the same things they did, and being part of the wealthy 5% doesn't remove you from behaving the same way, in fact, it might condemn you to it. So you drive a car and they rode a donkey, So you have running water and they had a well, so your road is not dusty and covered in the dung of animals and you read by electric light and wear fine clothes, but in two thousand years you have not evolved at all, you are still human, subject to all the human frailties described in the Bible and your thinking stinks

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The morality of bronze age Palastine was utter barbarism, completely immoral and repulsive. I wasn't talking about paved roads or electricity. I was referred to the morality of that region of the world that was anti-sex (anti-sex anything outside of a hetero marriage and even then under restrictions), allowed for genocide and slavery (thinking those things were great, especially if your god told you to do it), allowed for stoning of adulterers, and the examples go on and on. There's nothing close to genuine morality coming from the time and place and people are expected to apply it today? No thanks. That sort of thinking belongs in the stone age.

rnrg,
That post of yours id very good.
I hope it helps.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

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Originally Posted by cadillac59

The morality of bronze age Palastine was utter barbarism, completely immoral and repulsive. I wasn't talking about paved roads or electricity. I was referred to the morality of that region of the world that was anti-sex (anti-sex anything outside of a hetero marriage and even then under restrictions), allowed for genocide and slavery (thinking those things were great, especially if your god told you to do it), allowed for stoning of adulterers, and the examples go on and on. There's nothing close to genuine morality coming from the time and place and people are expected to apply it today? No thanks. That sort of thinking belongs in the stone age.

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There has been more genocide in the last century than there was in the first as to morality what makes you think we live in a more moral world? I happen to believe the Jewish morality system of that day was superior to what was permissible in the societies that surrounded them and that their attitude of removing offenders from society actually had a lot to commend it. It certainly wasn't stone age thinking. You apparently think that anything goes but you are obviously part of the me society. The sad part is we haven't learned anything from these people. They failed because their belief system failed, they turned relationship into religion and excuse for license.

rnrg,
That post of yours is very good.
I hope it helps.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

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Originally Posted by paraclete

There has been more genocide in the last century than there was in the first as to morality what makes you think we live in a more moral world? I happen to believe the Jewish morality system of that day was superior to what was permissible in the societies that surrounded them and that their attitude of removing offenders from society actually had a lot to commend it. It certainly wasn't stone age thinking. You apparently think that anything goes but you are obviously part of the me society. The sad part is we haven't learned anything from these people. They failed because their belief system failed, they turned relationship into religion and excuse for license.

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Morality evolves, just like living beings evolve, and the so-called morality of bronze age Palastine was not moral-- it was immoral. Murdering people because they chose to have sex outside of marriage, or because they are gay is immoral. Slavery is immoral, genocide is immoral. By contrast there is nothing moral about not eating pork, or resting on some so-called sabbath. That is a twisted and perverted morality that has no place in modern society.

What you are talking about with the Bible is poorly evolved primates thinking they have the right to tell other poorly evolved primates how to live their lives because their imaginary god in the sky told them so. This is NOT morality. It is immorality.

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Originally Posted by cadillac59

Morality evolves, just like living beings evolve, and the so-called morality of bronze age Palastine was not moral-- it was immoral. Murdering people because they chose to have sex outside of marriage, or because they are gay is immoral. Slavery is immoral, genocide is immoral. By contrast there is nothing moral about not eating pork, or resting on some so-called sabbath. That is a twisted and perverted morality that has no place in modern society.

What you are talking about with the Bible is poorly evolved primates thinking they have the right to tell other poorly evolved primates how to live their lives because their imaginary god in the sky told them so. This is NOT morality. It is immorality.

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Since you have those kind of ideas about us why don't you do us a favor here and leave this place?
It is your ideas about evolving morality that brought the world to today's chaos and you blame God for it!
The so called modern society is all yours, I refuse to participate in it. I prefer the one God created thousands of years ago through His Son, who is the same yesterday, today and forever!
You are in no place of understanding God cause you are not willing to leave behind what is not good for you and you are trying to tell us that you living in dark is better than living in the Light of Jesus, or living for the world is better than living for Jesus.
The spirit of the world that is in control of you has nothing in common with The Spirit that dwells in Christians and may God spare us from its presence since He has already saved us from its authourity!

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Originally Posted by arcura

rnrg,
That post of yours id very good.
I hope it helps.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

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Thanks Fred. I may have repeated what others had already said, but wanted to point out a few more things more specifically. Marriage is hard work and can be beautiful when both partners are working together. But when expectations don't match up with reality, it can be disastrous! I have only 23 years of marriage "under my belt," and I am still learning "the what works and what does not," and making my marriage work is a top priority. Rita

Ash,

The question is this... does he see the Bible as the final authority and truth? AND does he have an honest desire to grow? If the answer to these questions is YES, then it doesn't matter if you are more spiritual at this point in your relationship.

However if he doesn't value the Bible as God's written word and the truth and he is just going along to please YOU... that will eventually get old and you will have problems. The Lord wants us to be equally yoked. ( I believe you can be unequally yoked with a BELIEVER if that person doesn't want to walk as a Christian)! That doesn't mean your boyfriend has to be as mature in the word or as spiritual or even know the bible as well as you do.. it means he has to WANT to grow. He needs to see the Bible as important as YOU see it.

This is what I believe the Lord would want you to think about before you married him or anyone. Trust me, marriage is hard enough and love really doesn't conquer all.

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Originally Posted by cadillac59

Odd sense of morality. Something taken from bronze age Palastine that is suppose to have some relevance today.

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In God's economy.. sin is sin is sin is sin. It doesn't matter how OLD something is or how modern and evolved we think we are now. God's word never changes and according to HIM there is nothing NEW under the sun. The Bible is as relevant today as it was 2000 years ago. In fact, you will find it is RIGHT ON! But that is just my two cents... and I know I know.. no one asked me. Ha :D

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Originally Posted by adam7gur

Since you have those kind of ideas about us why don't you do us a favor here and leave this place?
It is your ideas about evolving morality that brought the world to today's chaos and you blame God for it!
The so called modern society is all yours, I refuse to participate in it. I prefer the one God created thousands of years ago through His Son, who is the same yesterday, today and forever!
You are in no place of understanding God cause you are not willing to leave behind what is not good for you and you are trying to tell us that you living in dark is better than living in the Light of Jesus, or living for the world is better than living for Jesus.
The spirit of the world that is in control of you has nothing in common with The Spirit that dwells in Christians and may God spare us from its presence since He has already saved us from its authourity!

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I'm not sure what this "spirit of the world" is that you've been spared from. You live in the same world we all live in and are subject to the same conditions. And like all Christians I'm sure you know at some level this is all we've got, and hence you value it.

You are free to believe whatever you like; fine with me. But just keep it to yourselves and don't try to impose on the rest of us the moral beliefs of Middle Eastern sheepherders of 2000 years ago who thought slavery was okay or who thought that murdering people who are gay or who commit adultery was okay. These same ignorant people also thought the earth was flat, had no appreciation for microorganisms, and knew nothing of science or the natural world. And yet you are saying their moral teachings have relevance today, or are better than something we can come up with without their ignorance and superstition? The entire idea is absurd.