I've read some of the posts on here and I'd just like to give my personal story. I'm feeling miserable ever since the break up of last month. I've shared my first times of many great memories with my ex of almost 2 years and it ended because she felt she couldn't be in the relationship any longer. She has said many things, so of course I came to an understanding that its all been piling up. The reasons are, I've kissed another girl because of temptation and I told her right after because I felt guilty about it. I've let her down by mocking her and criticizing her own problems saying "Your complaining about useless things." and "So what, people go through so much more." Before, the first thing she said she left me was because she didn't want to lie to her family anymore because she felt guilty because they trusted her. Though lately, she's been giving me so much more reasons especially the one about the kiss.

About a week ago I tried to commit suicide but failed. Parents took me to the hospital and brought a doctor before me. After he was done talking with me, they admitted me into a Psyciatric Ward. I was released the next day because I felt I didn't need to be there and that I just couldn't handle it anymore but that I could be stable again.

Let me tell you, in those 3 weeks, I've been bothering her over and over because of the pain. Every time I felt so much better but I would feel so worthless. And today.. We've gone through a terrible argument. She said how she didn't love me anymore and how she likes another guy but he lives all the way in Maine while we are in California. Though she said I'm still a special person to her. It's hard for me to comprehend everything.

In another sense of way you could say I've become so desperate to have her back. And I won't deny it, my actions have been purely impulsive. I'm 18 and I've had so many useless relationships where I was the one being cheated on. And that kiss I gave to another girl is cheating, but I wanted to be honest with her. I couldn't bring myself to lie to her, I care for her so much.

I'm going to the shrink every now and then, but it doesn't help me at all. Every time I just feel worthless like I don't belong, I've become so attached to her. I don't know if it is too late but I'm guessing that it is. Though at the last few moments of our last conversation which was about an hour ago... She said she wants to be friends and doesn't want to see me for a long time. We've gone through this about 20 times now and this time I am going to commit to it. I don't want to lose it all, and I want to regain her love again.

Is this the only option left for me? To ignore her and just move on hoping maybe one day she will come back to me? Will it take weeks, months? Even years? For her to come back? Is there a chance? A percentage? Please tell me. It hurts so much.. But I'm trying to endure all of the pain. I don't want anyone else but her.

I'm sorry hanmimi...

But why did you even bother to kiss that girl? There was obviously a problem with your relationship to begin with if you made this mistake.

Not sure if you should carry on wishing she came back to you, but looking at it from the positive side, I think that there is always hope. Considering that you were the one who cheated on her, she may just be lashing out in anger and trying to get back at you by telling you all of those hurtful things.

Her having a relationship in Maine and then in such a short time after the breakup just doesn't sit right - and you know what they say about long distance relationships - they're usually doomed.

But I'm also sure that her family, friends and support group are telling her not to go back to you considering that a kiss with another girl is simply that... cheating

You have to let this girl go and start work on yourself. You have to address these issues that would cause you think of suicide. That is your priority. My guess is you have other issues that are underlying long before she came along. You must address those and work on those before you can offer your love to someone else. Your love should be offered to you first. You should be selfish about it. You are the priority in your life. Women are going to come and go, you will be with yourself for decades to come. It is that person that deserves your focus now.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hanmimi

About a week ago I tried to commit suicide but failed.

---

Wait... What? Wow...
I hope you are seeing the foolishness of this action. You are 18... and wanted to kill yourself for a girl. You really don't seem to control your emotions.

First of all, even if you want her back and if you want for a chance for her to get back to you (which I believe would be a mistake from your part), you need to take care of yourself!
Taking martial arts might be a very good idea as it will give you a lot of control over your mind and body. You need to get much, much better psychologically and get into No Contact right now. If you aren't in contact with her, you are stopping the cause of the pain.

Hey guys, I guess I left some holes in my story so I'll just fill them up. My girlfriend was the one who told me to go kill myself. And I acted upon it, it wasn't for revenge or to make her feel sorry for me so she would come back. I just had it with all the stressors. Though I'm avoiding her at all costs starting today, it's just so troublesome for me. I tend to get pretty emotional which my psychiatrist says is really good but says it can be a curse for me at times. I've abandoned the plan to killing myself. It was a wrong way to approach things.

The reason I kissed that girl was just for stupid reasons. She told me her story of when she got raped mulitple times by her so called "friends" and felt no one could treat her right and I guess I felt pity for her because she's gone through so much trouble. It was just a one time kiss that's all. Nothing more.

Another thing, me and my girlfriend were secretly dating because her parents won't allow her to date and I guess that's what bothers her as well. I'm young and foolish I suppose. I just started college this week and it's been helping me feel slightly better. I'm trying to do more things for myself although I don't really know where to start.

Thanks for the advice so far guys, it makes me feel much better.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hanmimi

My girlfriend was the one who told me to go kill myself.

---

What a b!tch. It still doesn't excuse your behavior but for her to deal with your pain by telling you to kill yourself speaks everything I need to know about her. You'd be hard pressed to find someone actually worse then her.

you do not need to be in a relationship with a girl who tells you to go kill yourself.

second, if you DID kill yourself, what is your X going to do? Cry at your funeral? Maybe... but you won't be around to see it, so its not like killing yourself is going to help anything... you don't need to put yourself in harms way to see if your X still cares.. it seems like you were reaching out to her in your attempt.

third, you REALLY do not need to be in any relationship if you are in your current state.

and finally, you need to change your outward perspective on the future. You write stuff like, how long before I get her back, will I get her back, etc, etc.. You need to get your mind right like this relationship is over and its "how long before I meet someone new and amazing" Enjoy life, work out, hang with friends, focus on yourself and eventually you will find someone who blows your X away in every respect. She is not the only girl for you, so don't act like your life depends on her to be happy. Stay strong and keep motivated.

She doesn't want you, and you do have to accept it, and rebuild your own life, without her in it.

You have many issues, my friend, and you need to solve them through growth, and more experience, but I can understand being stuck on her. Just get unstuck, and you will, once you have learned how to deal with yourself better.

She ain't coming back, for sure, so its on you, to get healthy.

She sounds pretty dysfunctional. You don't see it now but you're so much better off without her.

You are foolish, yes, but you can work on that. You're starting college life, that's a new page. Start from there. Do a lot of sport and martial arts, it will give you the control you need over yourself and your emotions.

It's actually good you are admitting your mistakes and that's great! There are tons of stuff you can do in college, many activities, fundraising etc... get involved, go out there. There should be so many things you can do, you won't have time thinking about your ex. It's actually good you are keeping away from her, she's just trouble. Don't break No Contact for any reason... especially you.

You need some time alone to get your life back in order. Don't hesitate to come back here to talk to us, we're here to help!

Thank you guys very much for your support. I don't exactly open myself up to anyone but I thought this would be the best place to do so. I always keep to myself because I guess I have a sense of pride which I don't want to lose. But now that it is, I'm just feeling down. I'm pushing my girlfriend to the side and get more active. I've always avoided sports and martial arts but it will be something to keep me occupied till I'm fully healed. You guys are the greatest! Once again thanks for your advice and support.

- Christian

You seen to be doing better after talking to people, so please Don't go away, even if you are asking about other things.

Did you read 'Talaniman's signiture (at the bottom of the post?) they all make sense.

Just talking to people about anything will help you get on with your life:)
I feel it helps a lot when you need it.

Keep on posting and we will keep on helping, or just talking:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hanmimi

Thank you guys very much for your support. I don't exactly open myself up to anyone but I thought this would be the best place to do so. I always keep to myself because I guess I have a sense of pride which I don't want to lose.

---

Dude, I came from a family where we all kept everything down and never spoke on it. I can relate to that feeling, but as you get older I encourage you to open up and don't be afraid to speak on what's eating you inside. We always seem to keep are problems hidden for fear of what people will say, but the truth is nobody is leading the perfect life, even if it appears so from the outside. I know what you mean about taking pride in yourself enough not ask for help, but sometimes making positive life changes means taking pride enough to admit that you might either be wrong about something or just not have enough information at the moment.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hanmimi

But now that it is, I'm just feeling down. I'm pushing my girlfriend to the side and get more active. I've always avoided sports and martial arts but it will be something to keep me occupied till I'm fully healed. You guys are the greatest! Once again thanks for your advice and support.

- Christian

---

Nice job with seeking out something besides her. If those aren't your interests keep trying until you find something else that is. I encourage you to stick around the site and learn from other poster's experiences. I gained so much and still do from what other people are going through, it really helps you make decisions in certain situations in your own life.

Kept it up bro, actually sport and martial arts are not just for healing, it's for after also. As you can see there IS light after the tunnel.

Hi, I'm back again..

I tried to forget everything. I Tried to push everything aside, but she just won't go away. I really wish I could somehow erase the memories but I can't. I feel like I'm nothing without her and I can't have her... God I really need to stay away from relationships. I finally got a job and I'm doing well in school but its this one thing that's bothering me so much. How do you repair a relationship that's trying to mend itself?

Me and my ex are happy at times when we see each other but end up getting into an argument later. It's the same thing. She said I should knock some sense into her by hitting her but that's not something I would ever do to a girl, not even anybody. I'm not a fighter or any sort. This has gone way out of hand lately, and I truly do want to fix this...

I'm not sure if I'm in the state of mind to think of a decision for myself.. I'm so utterly confused with everything. Is there any suggestions?

No contact. You're not allowing yourself to heal

It's something I could try to put more effort into, is there a way to motivate myself into thinking I'm okay without seeing her for awhile?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hanmimi

It's something I could try to put more effort into, is there a way to motivate myself into thinking I'm okay without seeing her for awhile?

---

But you are okay without seeing her for awhile. You lived years without her prior to meeting her. Make a list of short term goals and put it up by your bed or bathroom mirror and start working on those daily. Start putting yourself ahead of her.