I am suppose to be co-hosting my sister-in-law's bridal shower with my other sister-in-law, but so far it has been a nightmare.

Firstly, I do not get along well with my in laws, but they made an effort to throw me a bridal shower, although I still believe that is was out of obligation instead of really wanting to and to make other people think that they "care so much" about me, and I feel that it is just right for me to make an effort for her bridal shower.

So far my sil has been keeping me in the dark about all the planning and she is making it seem that I am not contributing to the planning of the shower. She has also made me feel like I'm not doing anything and does not respond to my suggestions that I e-mail her. I have told her that I would really like to help with the planning and if she could let me know what I could do to please do so. And that's another thing, I don't understand why she hasn't come to me and talked to me personally about the planning. Instead she is ignoring me and saying that I'm not helping. She already ordered the invitations without my knowledge, my invitation was handed to me in front of everyone at my husband's birthday dinner. Surprised the heck out of me!

My mil came up to me the other day and said that the time is getting less to plan the party and that my sil said that I am not responding to her e-mails and that it was not right because they did so much for my shower. This comment was so hurtful as she is just assuming that I do not want to do anything. I told her that my sil has not informed me about anything and I left it at that.

Does anybody have any good advice for me? What would you do if it were you.

Sometimes I feel that my in laws set me up to give them a reason to be mad at me, seems like they are happiest when they are mad at me.

Print out the emails you sent to back up any problems they accuse you of. When they accuse you of anything reply your side.

Ask them how you were suppose to do anything whenever they kept you in the dark so you didn't want to go ordering invitations or anything when it may have already been done.

Politely stick up for yourself

I agree with Nohelp, but I'd take it a bit further.

Send an email to both your mil, and your sister in law.

Tell them that you are noticing that there is a lack of communication regarding the impending shower, and despite your best efforts to offer assistance, your input has been rejected. Attach the email you'd already sent out as an example of what you are talking about.

Offer to do something specific in your email. Tell them that because you were't involved with the invites, you have purchased thank you notes. Tell them that you are going to do the decorating and are buying the supplies this week. If they have a colour choice suggestion, please email you back.

Instead of letting your sister in law take charge, YOU take charge, with obvious, do-able tasks.

I would copy your husband as well. Don't let them make you out to be a deadbeat! Be assertive but polite, and don't let them walk all over you.

Maybe you should involve your mil and ask her what to do and hwo to help. You can do so also with your sis in law. Is anything surprises you you might have said privately that it would have been nice if you want had involved me in this.. how can I help you with this...
But yes it is very hard to get into this situationas I am myself in one such.. and whatever hellp you try to extentd also sometimes backfires. But what else to do. I have thought of it as well and I feel best thing to do would be to take a deep breath and continue asking volunteering, sharing tit bits, and where particularly you found relief in your shower do that and say that . Something really simple things will help. Also being available when something is done is also one major thing expected . Ask your husband also what is to be done and do it with him is possible. That should also help. Good luck .

Hi All

So the shower was yesterday and it was a nice shower.

After all the e-mails, texting, phone calls and voicemails I left my sil, I just decided to go up to her town, 2 hours away, and get the decorations etc. for there shower. That way she could not hide and make excuses.

She did however have a lot of excuses for everything that did not run smoothly. At one point there was a mix up with one of the games that were played and she kept saying to everyone... I did not have the games so I do not know what to do with them. Who does not know how to play bingo?

Anyway, just like the invitations, she ordered the favors without consulting me and now she is holding her hand out and throwing hints for me to pay her half of everything. I feel that this is rather rude. I do not have a problem with paying for my share, but if you want to do things behind my back, not considering my opinions or my budget, then how do you want to hold your hand out for money??

What do you think about this?

Wow- she doesn't know how to pay bingo huh? These people remind me of the evil stepmother and daughter in Cinderella.

Anyway, I'm glad you went, and it was okay.

While I agree with you about the favours, she should suck it up herself, I think for the sake of peace and harmony (sing with me now girl!. lol), pay the half, or even a portion of it that is less than half, and have it done and over with.

She ignored you,she belittled you,she complained about you,and now she wants you to foot the bill..

Pay for what you got and tell her to take a running jump,and her mother too for that fact.

You don't have to live with these people,I bet the minute you take a stand they will back off.

No point in prolonging this. Better to consult your husband and do accordingly.

Unfortunately, Redhed, I DO live with these people... and you were right Jake2008, for the sake of peace, it would be better if I pay half of whatever, but after asking her numerous times how much I can give her for my share, she still has not given me an answer.

But now that the shower is out of the way there is of course the bachelorette party. Another headache, because she has not said a thing to me about anything and I do not know what is going on. I must tell you that I do not feel that I should be begging her to give me some information or let me help with anything. So what now? I have my MIL and the bride running around saying that I'm not doing anything, but then I have my SIL (the MOH) not telling me anything.

What to do??

I don't think that there is going to be any pleasing anybody, no matter what you do.

Maybe Red is right, stand up to them, and they might melt a bit. As long as they play these childish games with you, you will never see it coming. Time to put a stop to it.

With your husband if possible, get a nice Halmark card, with a blank inside. Tell them you are confused and hurt by their lack of manners in responding to your email regarding helping out with not only the wedding, but the upcoming batchellorette party.

Tell them you aren't going to ask anymore, however, should they decide to take you up on your offer to help, then by all means you would be delighted to do so.

Keep it simple. Sign it, both you and your husband, and then mail it.

Then, put these ungrateful rude people at the bottom of your worry pile, and don't give them a second thought.