Ask Me Help Desk - Complicated situtation !

Complicated situtation !

Hey there!! My question is not very original but the circumstances are quite tricky. I've been with my ex for 5 month and it's not even been 1 month I left her. I didn't really want to leave her I just wanted a brake but my head was all messed up so I took the wrong decision. The same night she texted me to ask if it was the right decision I answered yes instead of no because of my stupid pride. I wasn't sure of my feelings at the time and she was in love with me. Now I regret my decision and would love to have a second chance with her although the situation now has changed... I'm in love with her and she's not sure (pride once again) She won't admit she still has feelings for me but I know it. I'v had breakups in the past but there was no love involved so moving on was easy. This time I feel like my mind wants to move on but not my heart. Should I move on and miss the opportunity to live a nice relationship with her or fight to reconquer her broken heart and follow my heart instead of my head ?

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Originally Posted by lukasz

This time I feel like my mind wants to move on but not my heart.

I feel like your mind wants what it's interested anymore.

You walked away, your pride taught you a lesson.

Whether she wants to rekindle and risk you hurting her again is going to be her choice and you can only let her make it.

Accept the decision and be willing to move on, this can be an important lesson to learn about valuing something while you have it, so that you can appreciate it before it's gone.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I feel like your mind wants what it's interested anymore.

You walked away, your pride taught you a lesson.

Whether she wants to rekindle and risk you hurting her again is going to be her choice and you can only let her make it.

Accept the decision and be willing to move on, this can be an important lesson to learn about valuing something while you have it, so that you can appreciate it before it's gone.

Yeah!! If she's willing to give me a second chance I'll take it but if not I'll move on for sure!! Does that make sense ?

Even if you get back with her, it's going to take a lot of hard work to make this relationship work. Both of you have insecurity issues and in the future, both of you will be scared that the other person might leave them again.

You broke up for a reason. If you can't fix the problems that broke up you in the first place, then you're just going through the same thing again. Breakups are never easy. Sometimes it's better to accept what has happened and move on.

If you really think that you have a chance with her, then let her know. If she doesn't feel the same way, then you can finally move on without wondering "what if". But be ready to work hard at repairing the relationship. If you can't handle it, then maybe it's time to find someone else.

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Originally Posted by I wish

Even if you get back with her, it's going to take a lot of hard work to make this relationship work. Both of you have insecurity issues and in the future, both of you will be scared that the other person might leave them again.

You broke up for a reason. If you can't fix the problems that broke up you in the first place, then you're just going through the same thing again. Breakups are never easy. Sometimes it's better to accept what has happend and move on.

If you really think that you have a chance with her, then let her know. But be ready to work hard at repairing the relationship. If you can't handle it, then maybe it's time to find someone else.

Well that's the problem... I left her for the wrong reasons. I've always been afraid of engagement!! When I left her I felt something I've never felt before and realised it was love. It just sucks I had to lose her to realise it. Anyway I told her I'm willing to work hard as hell to repair my mistake and it got her confused but she didn't say no. She needs time to think about it!!

You can't look at the past and think that 1 or 2 mistakes here and there completely changed your relationship. Those are just bumps on the road. If you two really liked each other, you will find a way to make it work.

It's not just working hard to repair the past, but working hard towards the future. She seems confused about what she wants. She might still have some feelings for you, but she might not be ready to give you another chance.

I would let her know how you feel (which you already did) and then BACK AWAY to let her decide where she wants she wants. If she wanted to work things out with you, she will let you know. It's pretty much out of your control now. You can't force her to do something that she doesn't want to do. Give her time to figure out what she wants first though.

You were together for five months and discussing engagement? That is way to soon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

You can't look at the past and think that 1 or 2 mistakes here and there completely changed your relationship. Those are just bumps on the road. If you two really liked each other, you will find a way to make it work.

It's not just working hard to repair the past, but working hard towards the future. She seems confused about what she wants. She might still have some feelings for you, but she might not be ready to give you another chance.

I would let her know how you feel (which you already did) and then BACK AWAY to let her decide where she wants she wants. If she wanted to work things out with you, she will let you know. It's pretty much out of your control now. You can't force her to do something that she doesn't want to do. Give her time to figure out what she wants first though.

It's pretty much what I did... I told her everything I felt and it's her turn to think about her feelings. I'm leaving for France in 4 days so it's a good opportunity for both of us to clear up our minds. Another guy is interested in her and I told her that as long I won't get a crystal clear "no" the other guy won't have her without a fight. If she decides to move on with the other guy and be happy I'll move on to but if not I'll keep fighting. It won't be easy but everybody has their fight and I feel this is mine right now. My mother was already engaged to another man when my father told her "you'll be mine" and now they've been married for 25 years haha so I take example from my father. Like father like son

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

You were together for five months and discussing engagement? That is way to soon.

Not that kind of engagement... what I meant by engagement was a serious relationship.. like not just dating

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Accept the decision and be willing to move on, this can be an important lesson to learn about valuing something while you have it, so that you can appreciate it before it's gone.

Exactly. She's made her decision. You need to back off and get on with your life. She may or may not change her mind in the future. C'est la vie.

That is life my friend.

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Originally Posted by Imabadman

Exactly. She's made her decision. You need to back off and get on with your life. She may or may not change her mind in the future. C'est la vie.

That is life my friend.

I agree with the whole moving on thing in life!! I totally understand but sometimes the human heart has a weird way of acting and that's how I feel right now. I never had trouble moving on but this time it's different

Trust me bud... it's always different. You'll be saying that when your next relationship ends too. Been down that path more than I care to remember myself.

Your best play is to back off. Give her all the time and space she needs. Vanish from her life and let her miss you. That's the only way she'll ever understand what it is that she wants.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Imabadman

Trust me bud... it's always different. You'll be saying that when your next relationship ends too. Been down that path more than I care to remember myself.

Your best play is to back off. Give her all the time and space she needs. Vanish from her life and let her miss you. That's the only way she'll ever understand what it is that she wants.

I guess my trip to France is the perfect time for this. It seems everything was perfectly timed!! But won't she think I don't care about her and that all I told her was a lie if I just completely get out of her life ?

I think you back off, and let her come to her own conclusions, without your influence.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lukasz

I guess my trip to France is the perfect time for this. It seems everything was perfectly timed !!! But won't she think i don't care about her and that all i told her was a lie if i just completely get out of her life ?

No, she will use the time to figure out where she stands and what she wants and she will appreciate that you didn't smother her in the meantime.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

No, she will use the time to figure out where she stands and what she wants and she will appreciate that you didn't smother her in the meantime.

I see!! Ok thanks a million everybody for your time and sharing your experience!! I'll let her breathe and think of what she wants. Is it OK if I send like 1 postcard ? 1 postcard in 3 month isn't a lot haha!!

Probably nothing wrong with that... even though not recommended.

Thank you all again for the help!! I released a big chunk of feelings yesterday and I feel much better and ready to move on. I just want my ex to be happy and we'll see where life will take us both!! One love to everybody

Good luck!