Last week, the boy I was madly in love with.. broke up with me. We had a strain in our relationship.. distance. We are both 18 and it was hard. We didn't get the time together we deserved. I am heartbroken. We've maintained our close friendship. Ive considered going to college next year near him. I told him this but he said there was no guarantee he'd be single or how he would feel. He has been blunt concerning us and inisted thinking of us as just friends from now on.Ive tried to talk to him about the break up but I think it hurts him too much... I don't know what I should do.I feel sick to the stomach thinking of him with another girl when I know he loves me... Im in love with him and it seems as if he doesn't want to pursue us anymore... if he loved me, wouldn't he wait for me? Wouldn't he wait a year? Why isn't he feeling like I am? Should I let go? Please help... :confused::confused:

Hey,its sounds like you really have your answer from him.. it sounds harsh but,if he loved you this really would not be happening..
He wants to move on.
He wants to be single.
And as hard as it is to comes to grips with he does not want you...

Its time now perhaps to pick up your heart,and start anew...

Leave him alone to get on with his life.

But he told me he still wants me but he doesn't want to talk romantically or anythn with me for now because its too hard. His words were "friends for now"until things change... I mean... he said "it wasnt in him" referring to strength of having me so far way... my friend said he's weak... is it really the case? Should I just cut my losses and let go? But I love him and I know he loves me too... but... im so confused...

So what he said was ' its not you its me'

Have you considered that maybe he is trying to break up with you the easy way?

If he needs space... give him his space..
No contact.
Give him time to miss you.. if he comes back with.. ive made a terrible mistake,I love you,please forgive for being an idiot... well and good!
However.. if not.. he is done.
And your reply should be 'its not me.. its you!'

Well, he didn't say "its not u its me"... he just.. he didn't want to do the whole distance thing.. wen we broke up, he said : "He cnt be with me when he wants and needs me" He said: "Im 3hours away at the quickest, and hes not doing it...he loves me but sorry its over"... I mean, should I tell him I want space to think, because he's still textin me... even everything I'm saying isn't the full story because it's a long, pain of a story..

Hey ash.. anyone who answers your question can only give you advice/an opinion on the information you provide...

He ended it.
He is still making contact.
Tell him to make up his mind or move on.

This sounds like a heart aching head wreaking situation... if can't cant make up his mind, you do it for him and stop the dancing around.

I know.. its what id advise too if I wasn't in the situation but I am... do you think I should move on(reluctantly)?

Really ash,I don't know the full story..

But,yes.. if it was me I would move on,if he wants you back he will come after you.. but try no contact for a while.. its hard.. but it will give you some head space to think things through.

OK... thanks for being honest... I needed someone to be honest... I hope he does... thanks

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Originally Posted by Ash17

Last week, the boy i was madly in love with..broke up with me. We had a strain in our relationship..distance. We are both 18 and it was hard. We didnt get the time together we deserved. I am heartbroken. We've maintained our close friendship. Ive considered going to college next year near him. I told him this but he said there was no guarentee he'd be single or how he would feel. He has been blunt concerning us and inisted thinking of us as just friends from now on.Ive tried to talk to him about the break up but i think it hurts him too much.... I dont know what i should do.I feel sick to the stomach thinking of him with another girl when I know he loves me... Im in love with him and it seems as if he doesnt want to pursue us anymore....if he loved me, wouldnt he wait for me? Wouldnt he wait a year? Why isnt he feeling like i am? Should I let go? Please help....:confused::confused:

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Ash,the foundation of an open,loving,honest,mutual relationship is that no one feels confused about what the other person means or needs or wants.If he says its over,yet still keeps texting you,then withdraws again,he's confusing you and leading you to eventually lose your mind,trying to figure out what he wants.

This has to stop somewhere,right,for you to be able to live like a sane person?So what you do is,you stop this round and round the mulberry bush thing yourself.Put your foot down in a BIG way and tell him:If we both want this to work,this will work in spite of everything,including the distance.But if any of us has doubts,lets end this and go our separate ways.Lets not play games.

You can't keep making excuses on his behalf,that it hurts him too much to deal with this or you think he still loves him.If all this is true,let him prove it to you and not make you go around in circles.

I don't know :( this is the second time he has had serious doubts... I can't just let go, I love him... :(

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Originally Posted by Ash17

i dont know :( this is the second time he has had serious doubts....i can't just let go, i love him...:(

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You can't let go?Are you the only person in the relationship?If the other person in the relationship has "serious doubts"as you mention,time and again,would you rather accept that and take a step or would you rather continue in this confused fashion where you are always hanging in a limbo?

Whose life is it,yours or his?Why are you allowing yourself to be "broken up with"all the time?Why don't you,for a change,make up your mind and be strong about it?What you are thinking of as "love"could just be a habit of holding onto him.Once you be firm with yourself(and him),you might find yourself wanting to do away with that habit.

So do u think I should continue with this friends charade till next year or just give him an ultimatium?

... I feel miserable right now... im not even happy as his friend because I want more.. if he's as sad as he says, he's doing a brilliant job covering it up and its hurting I'm the one who appears to be upset. He broke up with me over text and hasn't once mentioned it talking on the phone... like, after we broke up he didn't ring me because of "lack of privacy"... I mean, I rang him the next day, giving into being friends... and while I was miserable, he went out and partied... I just don't understand any of this... I spoke to him today and had to hide my mood... what do I do? I know an ultimatium would make everything awkward... I know he doesn't want to lose me but I don't want to make him be with me if that's his only way of holding onto me... ahhh!! :(:(:(:(

It's sad to say that relationships do not always work out. What you need more than anything is time. Trust me, I'm madly in love with my boyfriend and it would RUIN me if I found out he wanted to be with another girl, So I understand EXACTLY how you feel. If it were me, I'd talk to him rarely if at all. Sometimes pursuing someone is the opposite way to get them back. I knew a couple who had broken up after 3 years, and about a year after they broke up, they got back together, after not speaking at all. So you never know, maybe he just needs time for himself. I'm sure he doesn't want to hurt you. Just distance yourself from it, as difficult as it may be. If he calls, don't always call back, or if you do answer, be pleasant, short and sweet and DO NOT show him that you're upset. This will surprise him. If you really want him back you probably can, you just have to be careful about how you handle it. Always be kind to him if he calls, but tell him you're busy after about 3 min, you've got something going on and that you'll call him back, hang up, and DO NOT call him back like you said. I heard all of this from a teacher who councelled many students to do this same thing, and 9 times out of 10 it worked. Give it a try. And Good luck. It's going to be tough, but it will get easier.

But I'm afraid to do this since there's enough distance between us already... I have considered it but...

Hon, either he comes around or he doesn't. If not, it's going to be tough, but you NEED to be strong for yourself. And you need to rediscover who you are without him. It doesn't always work out the way we had hoped, but sometimes it's for the better. And although it seems impossible right now, there may be someone better for you waiting in the future. You've go a long life to live, create new relationships, friendly for now, and get to know many kind of people. Do not hold yourself back. Now is the time for you to test yourself and find out exactly what you can do. It'll be hard, it's okay to be scared, but don't let it cripple you. If you do, you'll probably never get him back and you won't feel lik eyou're happy with yourself either.

So should I tell him I want space? Give him an ultimatium? Maintain an awkward friendship?

You don't have to tell him anything, just start talking less and do not call him first, but like I said, if he does call, be nice and pleasant with him but don't stay on the phone too long, say you're busy and that you'll call him back later and then don't. He may start calling more and more. Let I'm come to you.

Makes sense... but at what point does that end? I mean, what if he doesn't want "us" back? Does the contact die out?