My daughter, Katarina, is 8 years old and going in to 3rd grade. Katarina has a large family because I am her stepmother, so she has family on her mother and father's sides. The problem is she won't talk to people when she is with us, but will talk to the people when we aren't there. We don't know why she does this, she says she doesn't know. She also won't do things like order her food, but only when it is just us. While on a family vacation with her cousins she ordered her own food. Does anyone know what would affect Katarina this way or what we can do to help her?
Thank you
shannon_xodkxo

Am I right in thinking that she only does this when there are no other children around?

She could feel shy or singled out when she doesn't have other kids to share the attention. She may also defer to adults in an effort to remain unnoticed. Having other children around would take some of the spotlight off her and give her someone closer to her own age that can draw her out of her shell.

There are times when having other children around helps this situation. But even when there are other children she is still shy with other adults. She clings to us and won't even look at adults-whether they are friends or family-let alone talk to them. If we leave her with my mother or her other grandparents she talks to them non-stop, but as soon as we come back around she is little ms. shy-cakes again!

I was the same way when I was that age.

My parents are dog show people, have been since I was born.

They starting taking me along to the dog shows when I was 3 years old.

Some of their friends never even knew I was there, I would just sit in the corner amusing myself.

Once I made a few friends my age (when I was around 8) I started playing with them and people noticed me and asked who's child I was... to which my parents replied theirs, everyone was shocked.

These days I have no trouble talking to people, it's just something that came with age for me.

My eldest son was very shy for much of his youth.I think it was because for his first four years of life we lived way out in the country and he rarely saw anyone except his father and myself.

When he got older that pattern of being shy was very hard to overcome.I was told by his pediatrician not to push him,that it was counter productive.

I suspect she will outgrow it.

Give her lots of positive reinforcement and help her to work on her self esteem by giving her projects to do that you know she will succeed at.

Encourage her by telling her what a good job she did.

Whenever she steps out of her comfort zone and does talk a little more be sure to let her know you are proud of her achievement.