So, I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years last September (my story is on here somewhere) and I haven't spoken to her since. She immediately started seeing someone and I've been enjoying the single life since then. It's taken a long time to get her out of my system and I've just been getting to the point of not even remembering what it's like to be with her as well as getting over the whole ordeal (I know, it took a while).

Now, out of the blue she sends me a text message (don't they always come back for something?) asking me if I'm available to speak with her. I'm not the kind of guy who wants to be "friends" with any of his ex-gf's or take an ex back after they've been with someone else in the meantime. I was just going to forget it and not even reply and just go on with my life as I now want it to be. On the other hand, I still do care for her a lot but my stance on relationships doesn't allow me to consider being friends or getting back with her. She hurt me deeply and I'm not afraid to say that I'm bitter and resentful towards her and I think I always will be. I'm getting to know myself and one of my faults is that I can hold a grudge.

How the f--k do I handle this?

Hmmm. This is a hard one because I bet that you're curious.

Interesting that she contacted you just as you were starting to get things together, eh!

You're still feeling, by your own admission, bitter and resentful. You don't want to have contact with her because she hurt you.

I'd say no. Don't do it. What is there to gain? It's like pulling the scab off a wound that has almost healed. Do you really want to re-live all that angst again?

Get on with your life. She's in the past - you can only go forward.

Tell her you're not available.

I say you have every right to be bitter. I'm not saying it's healthy, I'm saying it's a right. I think you were just about to break completely free of her and in order for you to do that you should continue doing what you are doing. Let the message go and do not contact her.

Kiss her goodbye

6 years is a long time. What probably happened is she and her boyfriend split, and she is calling her old flame (you) looking for a rebound guy. I say like the rest, to let it go. Or at best, let her know that you're not interested. If you know that you don't want her, or the drama that comes with her, don't get caught up in a huge mess.

If you really fear as bitter and resentful towards her as you say you do, then you're probably best off not responding to her at all. Continue to work on yourself (which it seems like you've been doing) and understand that bearing grudges will hinder your attempts at future relationships.

Okay, so she sent me the text on Monday night and it's Wednesday now. I know that I definitely don't want to speak with her and I don't want to know nor do I care if she's thinking about getting back together again. For me, that ship has sailed and I can't do it, even though I still have feelings for her. I'm beginning to feel like this is one of the most important decisions I'll ever have to make in my personal life and it's pretty hard.

I'm just wondering what her motives are. On one hand, it would be nice to know that she wants to get back with me. But, the only reason I feel this way is because I want to reject her for my ego's sake. On the other hand, I kind of feel like she wants to alleviate some of her guilt because she knows she did some messed up s--t to me. I feel like this would come at my expense because hearing her voice (if this is the case) would probably set me back 1 or 100 steps from where I was even a couple of months ago.

I haven't replied to her text and it's probably going to stay that way. It's funny how after some length of time, a lot of peoples stories on AMHD come full circle, isn't it?

I was in a similar situation. I chose not to respond to the text. No point resetting all the progress you've made.

I'd say you're making the right choice by moving on with you life. No point revisiting old wounds.

Yes it is.and you re doing the right thing by ignoring her text.No point in stepping back to square not one but maybe twenty!keep strong.

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Originally Posted by itried

Okay, so she sent me the text on monday night and it's wednesday now. I know that I definitely don't want to speak with her and I don't wanna know nor do I care if she's thinking about getting back together again. For me, that ship has sailed and I can't do it, even though I still have feelings for her. I'm beginning to feel like this is one of the most important decisions I'll ever have to make in my personal life and it's pretty hard.

I'm just wondering what her motives are. One one hand, it would be nice to know that she wants to get back with me. But, the only reason I feel this way is because I want to reject her for my ego's sake. On the other hand, I kinda feel like she wants to alleviate some of her guilt because she knows she did some messed up s--t to me. I feel like this would come at my expense because hearing her voice (if this is the case) would probably set me back 1 or 100 steps from where I was even a couple of months ago.

I haven't replied to her text and it's probably going to stay that way. It's funny how after some length of time, a lot of peoples stories on AMHD come full circle, isn't it?

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Stick to your guns.

While rejecting her might be an ego boost,it would also make you a party to game playing and you sound like you are the kind of guy who is above that.

Like you said earlier,it may also cause to to back step and then you are giving her power.

It just isn't worth it in the long run to jeopardize your hard work.

You two don't owe each other anything, no talk, no response, no nothing. If you don't want to talk to her, then carry on as you are. No big deal at all.

Well, you broke it off with her and you chose to move on. It's not like she broke it off with you. So why do you even need ego stroking to reject her when and if she asks to get back to you? It sounds like you still want to play a game with her.

You broke up with her and it is done, don't let this txting event hurt you two any further. I think there is something inside you that still want to feel what it is like to be together again.

You have enough reasons to ignore her, and keep doing what your doing. I understand being curious as to what's on her mind, and what she is up to, but it may not be worth it, and for sure its not worth going backward in your healing, or opening a long closed can of worms.

Delete the text, and keep it moving forward.

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Originally Posted by xadmin

Well, you broke it off with her and you chose to move on. It's not like she broke it off with you. So why do you even need ego stroking to reject her when and if she asks to get back to you? It sounds like you still want to play a game with her.

You broke up with her and it is done, don't let this txting event hurt you two any further. I think there is something inside you that still want to feel what it is like to be together again.

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Actually, it was she who left me. I'm not saying I want to play any games with her. I'm saying that I would like to be the one who gets the last say in all of this. I'm just admitting to what every other person who's been dumped doesn't say. Every person on this site, whether they admit it or not, wants to come out on top of their break-up situation. I haven't spoken with her in a year and I've been living my life. Now, out of nowhere she opens up communication with me. If your girl dumped you after such a lengthy relationship then came back a year later wouldn't you want to feel vindicated at the end? Of course. My ego took a blow after all of this and it would be nice to get some of it back, if possible. I understand the concept of playing games and I'm not at all with it. It's just the curiosity that drives me now. This is why I'm basically thinking out loud on this thread. I have no intention of contacting her at all.

And no, I don't want to feel what it's like to be together with her again. I don't even know what that means.

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Originally Posted by itried

Actually, it was she who left me. I'm not saying I want to play any games with her. I'm saying that I would like to be the one who gets the last say in all of this. I'm just admitting to what every other person who's been dumped doesn't say. Every person on this site, whether they admit it or not, wants to come out on top of their break-up situation.

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Of course they do. I think most people would admit that to. The irony is, after the break up when you try the hardest to prove it, is when it backfires. You have the benefit of being a year removed and not in contact. That speaks to you on top, not her.

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Originally Posted by itried

I haven't spoken with her in a year and I've been living my life. Now, out of nowhere she opens up communication with me.

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Which tells you, you are getting coming out on top. It wasn't you who went to her, it was her coming to you. There is your victory. Don't start the battle again so she can have the next and probably final one.

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Originally Posted by itried

If your girl dumped you after such a lengthy relationship then came back a year later wouldn't you want to feel vindicated at the end?

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Hell yes. Which is why you shouldn't talk to her. You've won.

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Originally Posted by itried

Of course. My ego took a blow after all of this and it would be nice to get some of it back, if possible.

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Dude, your ego should be bursting that after a year she contacted you. How would going back to her get some of it back?

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Originally Posted by itried

I understand the concept of playing games and I'm not at all with it. It's just the curiosity that drives me now. This is why I'm basically thinking out loud on this thread. I have no intention of contacting her at all.

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Thank goodness.

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Originally Posted by itried

And no, I don't want to feel what it's like to be together with her again. I don't even know what that means.

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Okay, I don't know that that means, but just don't talk to her. The final result was her coming to you and you not acknowledging her.

Well said, chuff. I know that I've been feeling all that you've pointed out to me during your dissection of my post. I guess what this all really boils down to is this: I do still have feelings for her (i.e. I still care about her, but I don't feel like I want to love her again) and this is what confuses me about this situation. I guess I just have to sort all this out WITHOUT speaking to her at all. I also understand that reconciliation may not be on her mind at all, and it could just be her trying to shed some guilt from her conscience. This is what is stopping me from replying to her in any way. I just don't want to have to destroy everything I have rebuilt over the last year so she can feel a little better about our past.

Caring is ok-but just leave it now-try not to think about the whys and wherefores as regards this text out of the blue. You ve come a long long way.

You don't need to stroke your ego or get one up on her. Dude... you're living and moving (moved) on.

Be the bigger man.

Have you just considered a simple text saying that you're not interested in friendship, dating, or a relationship. You see nothing else to discuss as the day she walked out everything became very clear to you. Buh bye have a nice day.

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Originally Posted by Imabadman

You don't need to stroke your ego or get one up on her. Dude... you're living and moving (moved) on.

Be the bigger man.

Have you just considered a simple text saying that you're not interested in friendship, dating, or a relationship. You see nothing else to discuss as the day she walked out everything became very clear to you. Buh bye have a nice day.

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This is true. I'm thinking that if I were to contact her after the whole past year it would mean that I haven't learned a single thing about life, relationships or myself. I would be letting myself down in the biggest way by contacting her. I have come a long way. Why go back?

I think it's best to not even reply at all. Not even a text to tell her to politely "f--k off". I guess that sometimes doing nothing allows everything that you want to happen to unfold naturally. I'm definitely better off doing all my thinking and talking here rather than doing it with her. After all, I did end up on this site because of her, so it's only right for all you guys to have some input since this was the place that I did a lot of rebuilding over the last year.

Now that's the attitude!