Hello, I'm fourteen years old and I have so many problems. My emoticonal health isn't good. I've had to go in hosptial once because of this.
I just have this jealous rage over my boyfriend who I've been with for a year and a month.
I'm even jealous when I take him out with my mates.
But he knows this isn't my fault.. he caused all of it to happen.
He's cheated on me, and lied loads and loads of times.. but these past weeks he's done nothing.. no lying.. no flirting.
He's promised me this time is different and he seems to have changed.. I know all his passwords and everything and I check everyday.
Just I don't feel normal cause I'm even starting asking my mates send the convos!
I just feel like I'm not making him happy.. I moan a lot because I'm trying to tell him how I feel but its like talking to a blank wall.. he doesn't mean to be like that but he doesn't understand.. he thinks he does. But nobody does.
Its like I'm obsessed with him and its killing me
I've lost so many people in my life who meant something to me I'm scared of losing him too. I've lost a lot of friends as well.
I have loads of rumours around schools about me, etc. 'slag' 'done it in the boys toliets'
And there not true one bit..
We are in a sexual relationship, but I'm on the rod. So I'm safe there.. and I still use condoms.
I just feel really down and depressed all the time.. I don't know what I should do?
Go on happy pills? (antidepressents) or change how I am?
My mums been on antidepressents and it took her years to get off them.. I'm just scaredd. I feel like I'm in the middle of the ocean.. its all dark, and calm and scareyy.. noones there. :(
Please help?

First off, no matter how much birth control you use, there is still a chance to get pregnant.

Do you support yourself? What about your boyfriend? Have extra spending money?
No, you don't. You are not ready for a baby. I don't care how mature you think you are, all it takes is one to ruin your life. Especially since you think you have such emotional problems, it would just make it that much worse.

Now, as for this guy.
Yes, it IS his fault. If he cheated on you, even ONCE, it is his fault. How old is he? I'm guessing 16 or 17.

Honey, you are too young to be living like this. Especially since school is back in. This guy is a blight on your life.
Trust me, I know from experience, he will promise you that he will change. He will look you in the eye and tell you he won't do it again. He will swear that he's sorry. Every time, it's a lie.
He doesn't care, he is just using you and you are letting him.

You need to leave him.
Once you do that, you'll find your life getting so much better (after getting over him) that you'll wonder why you were ever with him.

This guy does nothing but bring you down, and use you for sex.

Every one of your problems you've listed can be linked to your unhealthy (mentally AND physically) relationship with him. You say you are afraid to lose more people you care about. How many have you lost in the last "year and a month"? I'm willing to bet that most, if not all, of them were caused by this guy.

Seriously, he is no good, and no good for you. The best thing you could do would be to walk away and never look back.

He's fourteen my age and we both choosed to loose our V.
I know I'm young but I'm not going to get pregnant. We don't do it all the time.. its rarly we do it.
And no I don't mean in the past year I've lost people.. I'm on about in my life.
My nana was the closest one to me and she died when I was eight, then my two best friends left me.
I've always been a jealous person, and I know you might think my boyfriends and idiot but he's not.. he realise's I won't be around much longer if he carries on and he has changed. He's with me 24/7 and when he's not he's on the phone to me.
Atm I'm moving schools, as the rumours gotten that bad.. I was waggin 4/6 lessons a dayy and even when I got caught I was still doing it..
I've ran away from home about 4 times..
That's all stopped now, but I just feel down all the time..
My boyfriend makes me feel good when I'm in his arms, its when I'm not with him I feel crap? :(

Yes, you can get pregnant. Saying you can't is just cocky, and increases your chances of pregnancy, as that means you're not being careful. No matter how careful you are, there is always a chance! You need to learn that.

If you meant losing people like that, that's life. People grow up, change friends, grow old, die. If you can't move on, then you'll never get far in life. Sorry if I'm being harsh, but it's true. The only person you'll ever have all your life is YOU, and no matter what anyone says, they can't predict the future, and you still have you as long as you live. You won't necessarily have anyone else.

You can be a jealous person, but that is not the problem.
He says he's changed. He lied. He's not even mature yet, so he doesn't even know himself, so telling you anything is lying.
I seriously doubt he's with you that much. If so, then one of you is being clingy and overprotective, and that is worse than a (completely deserved) jealous partner.

What does this mean?
"i was waggin 4/6 lessons a dayy and even when i got caught i was still doing it."

Your boyfriend makes you feel good because you've grown accustomed to him. He is a downer on your life. It's like a drug. He brings you up, but then drops you farther down than you were in the beginning. The longer you continue to use, the worse it gets.
(Sorry, I just love these analogies!)

I stand by everything I said, you need to leave him, and do it now.

There's like a 1% chance of me getting pregnant. I'm not being cocky at all, I'm just saying I've read the leaf lets, my mum knows I've got the rod.

It's hard for me to make new friends expesally when I don't have much self confidence, and I'm scared to go out side.

As for the boyfriend thing, he knows this is his last chance. I'm not being played for a fool anymore. He knows every time he's lied I've found out. I'm a wizz on computers. And we're not together all the time because one of us is clingy or overprotective, its because we enjoy spending time together.. he comes my house everdayy apart from sundays and he's here about 9/10/11am till half 8 at night. We just like to be together.

For the wagging thing, it mean I skipped four out of six lessons a day.

And don't worrie you're not being harsh, you have your opinion and I appreciate this.

Thank you

Anti-depressants are not happy pills. They do not make you happy! In that sense, they are not a "'drug' to get off of." Anti-depressants help to balance chemicals in your brain that are abnormally skewed.

You might try them, with a doctor's assistance. Being jealous all the time is not normal. Getting angry all the time, whether your boyfriend is a putz or not, is not normal. It can be a sign of depression. Feeling down all the time can be a sign of depression.

The fact that you continue to do things that hurt you even when you know they're bad is a cry for help. Get help. Does your school have a counselor? Do either of your parents know about what is going on? Can you talk to them about how you feel? Do your parents give hugs?

We can only guess over the internet. We make our best guess based on what you tell us. Our advise is limited to that. Talk to an adult in person. Tell them what is going on with you. Let them offer assistance.

When my nana died my mum went on anti-depressants, and it took her about 2 years to get of them, it did nothing for her at all. I'm scared it will happen to me.

I've been to a thing called connexions and I didn't end up going to there counciling in the end. I'm scared of going into depression and to be honest I have self halmed myself. But I have group called CAMHS for that, its not I'm trying to 'kill myself' it just helps me calm myself down? Its weird I know.. but see it as smoking.. once you've done it its hard to stop.
Yes, I've stopped doing that now because I've found there's a different way.

My mum tries and understands but she doesn't get it no matter how hard she tries. I have a good relationship with my mum and dad.. I could ask them anything. And yes when I'm upset I cuddle up to my mum :).

I just think I've tried to grow up too fast, I have a older sister. She's 21 in 35 days, and I copy her a lot. Maybe that's some of the reasons?

The fact that you have a good relationship with your parents is wonderful. Many kids don't. Even if she doesn't get it, tell her about stuff.

The fact that anti-depressants did not help your mom means that her doctor didn't try a different one when she felt no change. I understand that they can be scarey. That's why you work with a doctor.

You can research them on your own. There are some that are older, make you sleepy and may work, the tricyclics. There are some that inhibit seratonin re-uptake only, SSRI. That means that more seratonin, which makes you feel good, is available. There are some that inhibit both dopamine and seratonin re-uptake. Different types work for different people. The one I take affects me before one day has gone by! They don't necessarily take weeks to work.

Your sister has 6-7 year of experience that you don't have. Can you talk to her? Tell her about your frustrations. Get her viewpoint on what it's like to be 14.

Going to groups is a good thing. Getting counseling is good too. A counselor can really help you learn how to think about stuff. I'm glad you aren't trying to harm yourself. Give yourself some slack. You aren't supposed to know everything about life at your age.

Learn what your choices are. Choices are everything. When you know all the different ways you could go, you never feel trapped, like there's no way out.

Thank you for your advise, means a lot. Also it feels better because I've told someone who will actually help me, and when I'm writing on here I don't feel like an attention seeker, pathetic or alone :).

Thankkyou so much.

Annonimus sorry to hear about these trials that are going on in your life and how you are feeling. It's best to start seeing a good therapist who can help you work through this. You already have depression, but if you seek help you have a shot at overcoming it, instead of being in denial and it potentially getting worse.

You should also get rid of your boyfriend asap. He has cheated on you and is a pathological liar. Regardless how long the 2 of you have been together, he definitely isn't helping with the situation and you need this time to be able to put yourself back together because you have grown a weakness for him and have given him some of your "power", so to speak. As it is now drawing your self-esteem even further down.

If you are already hurting yourself, may I ask how are you hurting yourself? Is it a physical hurt? If so, this could be a sign of borderline personality disorder... it is another way of trying to allow your built up emotions and sadness to seek an outlet. It's good to talk to someone who you really trust and will listen, that way you won't feel as alone.

Yeah it's like cutting wrist? I don't want to kill myself.. it helps me calm down? I don't know why.. :/ It just, I feel more pain doing that than in my heart when I'm hurt? :(

Ok, I see. You know that you could bleed to death if you had cut a vein. Here is a site were you can call, their helplines are free (U.S.), also, here are some articles that I would like for you to read:

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER - FROM THE INSIDE OUT - Articles on BPD written in 1999 by A.J. Mahari
Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder | Psych Central

Change will not happen overnight, it is a process. And seeking help is the first step to progress.